Ageing and other big stuff….

[Baycitystroller]

It’s nearly 4 am and am awake over thinking.

I’m in my 50s and recently have become very preoccupied with ageing. I’ve realised I have less time alive than I’ve lived. I feel time passes so quickly and that I’m hurtling towards old age!

It’s scary. It’s not just the grey hair , wrinkles etc that concern me, though obviously I hate this, but I’m scared of illness, fragility, death I suppose! You live this life and one day…gone.

I look at young people and envy them really.

I don’t think I’m depressed but I ruminate on this stuff when I can’t sleep and find it gives me anxiety.

I know I just need to get on with my life and enjoy my days. I’m silly really. Do others ever feel like this? Any tips for dealing with this existential angst?

Well, sleeplessness is a very 50s thing - you need to exert some control over it. When you can't sleep get up and do something, immediately. Start your Christmas shopping online, lose yourself on Net-Porter or Matches or wherever, watch an entire series of streamed TV that you missed when it came out originally. Best of all, find something new to study and apply for a course.

I know this isn't answering your existential crisis - but that is mostly in your head. There are eighty year olds celebrating their first gallery showing, ninety year olds hearing their music performed for the first time - hell, one of the most entertaining actors on The Archers is 102. You have millions of things left to do and so much to look forward to!

(Net-a-Porter ... But you knew that!)

Following. I am in my 30s and feel exactly the same!!

Nearly 50 feel the same but try and shake myself out of it by thinking next year I'll be older so better to not waste now. I sometimes feel nearly tearful about it all. I want to do it all again 😒 maybe without some of the dramas and mistakes 😂

4 am is the time for existential angst (not belittling...I just speak from 20 year experience as an insomniac, all is worse in the wee hours)

Agree with pp better to get up and do something (I read and have a cup of tea)

I think most people feel like this at some point.

If you can't shake yourself out of it, or it's dragging you under then that's a problem. Could you talk to your GP about anti depressants maybe? Or some talk therapy if you don't want medication.

It's easy to say try and focus on the positives, but if you're depressed it probably wont work.

I do sometimes think about people who lived hundreds of years ago, how they could probably never have imagined how our world would be now with mobile phones and internet. The things that are so important to us were never even in their consciousness, which is fascinating. And then I wonder what weird and wonderful things will be invented in hundreds of years, and then realise I won't be here to see them .

The things is, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Everyone's time will end eventually, no matter what you have, or achieve, or who you are, we all go the same way.
Just try not to dwell on it I guess. Easier said than done maybe.

I know what you mean. Dye the grey hair. Get Botox for the wrinkles. Have a couple of wines before bed. Book a holiday so you have something to look forward to. Try not to over think. You're younger today than you'll ever be again. When you're 85 you will look back at this time and wish you were in your 50's again, so enjoy what you can, in the here and now.

It’s a natural realisation (I know, I’m waaaay over 60) it only becomes a problem if you dwell on it too much. I find it scary to think about so I don’t think about it, or at least try very hard not to. I keep telling myself I’ve still got 30/40 years left which is aaaaages yet. Plus there’s nothing we can do about it so what’s the point in worrying?

I think it is a pretty normal thing to hit most people around our age.
Hence the commonly held notion of a mid-life crisis.
It hits you at some point that not only are you likely more than half way through your life, but that you are more than likely more than half way through your adulthood.

It often strikes people when they lose someone from their own generation - a cousin or a friend or a sibling, rather than a parent or Aunt or Uncle. It tends to make you start thinking of all the things you haven't yet done yet that you think you'd like to.
Combine that with hot flushes and insomnia with the menopause and things always look worse in the middle of the night.

This was a definite symptom of menopause that I went through.

Thank goodness it passed.

I am not religious but saying old prayers/tapping my chest/counting backwards really helped.

Thanks all. Will try not to dwell on it.

Well it’s crap, I’m 59, I mind most about my changing shape, the rest I can a deal with.
The biggest thing tho is getting my mood stabilisers right ( I have mild bi polar and hormonal depression) yep antidepressants finally ok, if only my 3D vision was near perfect I’d be happy.
I’m aware lots have far bigger worries tho

Hi. If it helps I am only 29 but i feel the same. I'm not like other young women as I've already had a bad bout of cancer, I had it young at 24. My mum is healthier than me, so is my dad. Neither of them have had any health scares in their 50s. Because of all the cancer treatment I have had by the time I am your age its a given that I will have heart disease and another type of cancer. I am also now in menopause. The future used to terrify me, now I know what nearly dying is like I do get very anxious about even my 40s. But I know I have to put those fears aside so I can carry on living.

You can't help ageing, but you can help how you deal with it and feel about it!

I'm nearly 62, so I do understand how you feel. At this age my mum was diagnosed with cancer, which went on to kill her, aged only 66. So I'm very aware of the need to live my life.

The best advice I can give you is to try and make every moment count.

If you don't like the grey hair, get it dyed. I have my hair, eyebrows and eyelashes done regularly! I know that some women look stunning when they go grey, but I don't. I look worn out and tired. Similarly when I have my eyebrows and lashes done I look much more 'present' and vital.

Make sure you're eating well and that you're keeping yourself fit. That doesn't mean you have to be a gym bunny, but make sure you're not starting to slump into/onto the sofa all the time (very, very easy, especially in lockdown)

Try not to worry about things like insomnia. The more you worry about it, the more likely you are to suffer from it. I always thought that when I retired, the insomnia might recede - but sadly no! However, at least I know I don't have to get up to go to work, so if I'm awake in the middle of the night it's no problem. I get up and go and read my book for an hour or so.

Do you work? Do you have plans for your retirement? Best advice I can give you here is to make sure you have something you will enjoy doing when you're not working - whether it's gardening, golf, fitness, learning a new language, DIY etc. Something that will occupy your time but also your brain.

Try and switch your perspective so that you view the next decades as a time for you - once you're no longer working, your time is your own and no-one has any call on you. It's hugely liberating.

BTW - brilliant username!

Mmm ... I'm inclined to think one needs more than simply doing something you enjoy, at this stage. I think we need challenge. Something extraordinary that neither your children nor your wider family or friends would ever have believed you could do.

(I recommend it.)

Some great advice on here. I appreciate it all. Thank you.

@Winecurestiredness

Hi. If it helps I am only 29 but i feel the same. I'm not like other young women as I've already had a bad bout of cancer, I had it young at 24. My mum is healthier than me, so is my dad. Neither of them have had any health scares in their 50s. Because of all the cancer treatment I have had by the time I am your age its a given that I will have heart disease and another type of cancer. I am also now in menopause. The future used to terrify me, now I know what nearly dying is like I do get very anxious about even my 40s. But I know I have to put those fears aside so I can carry on living.

Well if that hasn’t given me a healthy dose of perspective I don’t know what will!

My mum is 73 and regrets thinking her career was over mid 50s.

I think a lot of the time we are worrying about the problems of the LAST generation, not ours. Now, lots of people still work part time in their 60s and 70s. In future, there will be MUCH more technology to make the fragility, illness of which you worry much less of a concern. I'm not saying we shouldn't ponder but focusing on meaning, relationships, what we can contribute, is a surer way to happiness, though easy to say when in good health.

I'm in my 50s and just try and enjoy each day. If there's something I really want to do i try my best to make it happen. I've lived an interesting life and while I'd rather not die just yet, I'll have no regrets and no unfinished business when the time comes. Of all the dreams I had for my life I've fulfilled those that it was possible to do. I still wouldn't mind winning the lottery but that might not happen even if I lived to 500!

I think it helps to look around at others you know of your age who you think are getting it right, and remind yourself they are in the same position as you.
It kind of feels better to feel you're in company, especially if they are less pre-occupied with the future.