How to have closure on completed family?

[kayde12]

Hello,
Does anyone have any tips of experience of this?
I’ve just given birth to our 3rd ds and am absolutely loving life at the moment. But there’s a part of me that feels sad that this is our last baby. Especially after having a desire for a little girl.

We are grateful and besotted with our boys and know that 3 children is more than enough for us to live comfortably. As the baby is growing out of his newborn close and just don’t have the feeling of readiness to pack it all away/give it away.

Has anyone experienced this feeling? Or am I just hormonal?

I was only talking to someone about this today. I was fortunate to want all DDs & got that x 3, however my husband would have loved a son. People always assumed we were trying for a boy on no 3, but not the case.

My new acquaintance today said she so dearly wanted a DD after 2 DSs. She went on to have three more DC & all boys. She was (quietly) upset to not have the DD she'd dreamed of, however after a kind of grieving period, she was ok with it.

Now she adores that they are all the same sex, they're so close, enjoy the same hobbies & interests.

My grandparents had SEVEN girls, then a boy. Then they stopped trying 🙈 My poor uncle, the youngest of 8 with seven sisters!

Is there a way to edit my first post? There are so many mistakes
* the baby growing out of his clothes*
* tips or experience of this*

@Passthewinebottle how has your dh come to terms with this? Does it come with time?
There are so many families like the one you have described! I just think it’s such a different climate now.

I wanted one more but am too old now, last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. Intellectually I know I'm very blessed but I am secretly deeply sorrowful that my time has passed. I hope time will heal.

I suggest reading some of the infertility boards, being thankful for the babies you have and the time you have had and will have with them.

Don't miss out on what you have by wishing for something else.

I have two grown up children, and during their childhood often had periods of yearning for more babies/children. Basically, at the time, finances dictated that we stopped at two. However, now that they are adults, I am glad of not having more children as they both have suffered with their mental health, education and job searching. I don’t have the mental strength to worry about the masses of adults the the cute babies I had wanted when my hormones were trying to convince me to keep continuing the species. It’s hard worrying about adults!

we agreed on 4 before we got married.
had 4.
then I realised I wanted more.
next pg ended in a MC so it took a long time to not see it as "meant to be"

then I got brave, had 2 more but still didn't feel we were finished.
long story short we set a time frame within which we'd TTC but be done after that.
I got pg in the 11th hour😁 & when our youngest was born I had this calm wash over me that our family was complete, the missing piece of the puzzle has arrived!

(well, obviously it will be never fully complete because we lost a baby, but despite missing her we felt like "mission accomplished" if that makes sense)

DS6 is almost 7 and I can look at & hold babies without my uterus glowing🤣
in fact occasionally I have a dream that I'm pg again and when I wake up I'm so grateful that I'm not.

I'm going through this too. We had a DD who died and now have 2 DSs. I totally love them to bits but feel like I have a daughter-shaped hole in my heart. I wonder a lot about having another but there are lots of reasons not to. I found the most helpful thing has been to think about the adventures we can do with older DCs and throwing myself into a hobby that I would love to try once I have a bit of free time again. I'm not completely decided though and don't feel I have closure so following this with interest.

I wanted a 4th but DH wouldn’t entertain it. It’s only now, when I’m too old for another, that the longing has gone and I’m glad I’ve not still got one in school like I would have had.
Be grateful for your healthy boys, and don’t throw all of your baby clothes away. Keep the special bits to use on your grandchildren.

We agreed on two and had two, but for probably 5 years after our second was born I would have liked a third.

When I had my sentimental, broody moments DH would gently but firmly remind me of all the reasons we had decided to stop at two (there were many, very good reasons!) and eventually the feeling mostly passed. It definitely dampened when they were both in school and there were fewer babies in my social group. It felt like life was moving away from that phase.

I’m in my forties now and my DC are teens, and I still get broody occasionally! I think it’s natural to reflect on the wonderful things about pregnancy, babies and expanding your family. But ultimately, it’s best to be pragmatic and make these decisions with a cool head.

Mostly I’m absolutely delighted I only have two hormonal teens in the house right now!

@LBTM

I'm so terribly sorry about your DD

I once read someone here saying that they lost a child (had older & younger kids) and that triggered a "fuck it" response and she decided to have more kids - not to replace the one they lost but because they had lots more love to give. they had 2 more babies.
It still makes me emotional when I think of them and that such a heartbreak was the catalyst of something so life-affirming.

wishing you all the best, whatever you decide x

A lot of it might be hormones at this stage OP but I do understand. We had always planned on 3 but our second was an absolutle nightmare of a baby so we agreed to stick to two. Now she is nearly 5 and heading to school in August and I want another so badly but it feels like we have such a good dynamic Im terrified of breaking that plus we have just bought our 'forever home' and it only has 3 bedrooms so I know its best to stick as we are but it hurts inside quite a lot.

I was like that after two. We had a third and I felt like I was done as soon as he was born. He was the completing piece. All boys. I’ve never craved a girl though..

No chance of a fourth? The thing is if it were just another baby I’d say go for it but you want a girl. You can’t be sure the next will be a girl.