What point are you trying to make here OP?
These threads come up about every week or so, “everyone who cheats is scum, they’re all deceiving their partners, never to be trusted again, once a cheater always a cheater,” and whatever other cliches exist.
But the world isn’t black and white. The fact is that more people admit to cheating than don’t, which means that cheating is far more common than not, because there will be many people in these surveys who will have cheated but answered no. So essentially what you’re saying is that most people are deceptive and never to be trusted, except it’s never that simple.
I had an affair 9 years ago. Do I regret it? Absolutely. Would I ever cheat again? Absolutely not. And in theory there are no excuses. But in practice I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and had been for several years, with a man who controlled everything I did. Who isolated me from my friends and family by moving us out of the area, and making it impossible for me to go back to work. Who made it clear that not having sex wasn’t an option, in fact he once said that it seemed I like some rough sex, that I enjoyed him raping me.
There’s more, and I’ve written about the abuse at length on various threads.
No, I didn’t leave for OM, in fact ex would have taken me back, but the affair was a catalyst to leave the relationship. I’d tried before.We’d talked about splitting up for a few years. In fact he told me we should move for his benefit and the DC’s benefit and then split up, and then expected me to stay which was much easier because i had no support network and no job and was dependent on him.
Of course people will say that it couldn’t have been that bad, that this was a script which I told everyone to justify my scummy behaviour.
The irony is that he’s in a new relationship now and he is the same towards her.
My DC no longer see him because he essentially cut them off in favour of his new partner. His parents and I have a fantastic relationship, even though they know why we ultimately split up.
you are free to say that I should never again be trusted, and that is your prerogative.
I am fully aware that people may choose not to associate with me because of what I did. Or that a man might not want a relationship with me. I accept that.
But the fact is that the affair is seen as far to much of the problem. When someone has an affair any previous wrongdoing is forgotten, after all, he/she had an affair and the cheated on partner must have been perfect and never did any wrong.
I can hand on heart say that I would never cheat again, and that splitting from my ex has made me a stronger person in terms that I will hopefully deal with things better in the future if that should be necessary.
But while I accept responsibility for my part in the divorce, my affair did not cancel out the person that ex was. He was and still is that person.
It strikes me that people who claim you should never trust a cheater/that they’re all scum, are trying to prove themselves to be morally superior in some way.
You will know people who have had affairs. You will know people who you know are having affairs, and in reality if you cut them all off you would have very few people left in your life.
Life just isn’t as simple as that.