Tell me I can do this.

[Lemonsandlemonade]

I have a beautiful 5 week old baby who after a long 5 year wait is here.

He is utterly gorgeous but is quite a needy baby. Screams if he is put down in the day and not entertained.

Won’t sleep in the day only if I walk him in pram Will he sleep meaning from 5 am until DH gets home at around 3:30 I am on my own. I have to let him cry a bit in his bouncer when I need a cup of tea or a sandwich.

DH is great with baby but struggles if he is being fussy or needs winding. I always have to ask for him to have him though.

DH works full time and can’t cope with sleepless nights so is in spare room. I am up every 2 ish hours until 5. Then a full day with baby.

Baby has suspected colic . I give a anti colic stuff which helps a bit but tonight I’m struggling. I have had baby since 6:30 ( not to mention all day ) as DH in bed with migraine. He has fussed since about 5:30 tonight.

Please tell me I can do this? !

I know DH could do more but I plan to tackle that s

You absolutely CAN do it. But the point here is you shouldnt have to. Why does he get to "not be able to cope" with sleepless nights?

Can you share lie ins at weekends at least? That kept me a bit more sane.

Sorry, but could you try a sling? At least you’d have your hands free. If he sleeps better in the day he may sleep better at night. It’s so incredibly tough at the moment but you can do it!

You can do this. The days and night may be very long right now, but the years go by very quickly. Honestly, it's simply a matter of plowing on and keeping your chin up. It won't be like this forever.

i am here. I survived, (fed multiple times a day, up to about 21 times per day) it was hell as I had post partum haemorrhage (lowest boundary so not the worst) and kept bleeding for ages and was bed bound for a month. (except when she was ill and I walked to the drs, oops) she cried, a lot. I got good at washing up on one leg while using the other foot to rock the car seat. (not recommended now)

propping up the cot was recommended. (yeah right, I needed to velcro her to the mattress for that to work)

try a different collic med

they said it started getting better from 6 weeks. you have done most of this and it is not long to go now before things start improving.

you will get a very strong bond.

your second may not be the same as this.

my horrendous sleeper turned into a very good sleeper. number two on the other hand....

Thanks all. I did manage some sleep eventually.

DH did take over last weekend at about 6 am ( after a feed) so I could get some shut eye. That said he works every other weekend.

I think we need to share jobs more co I’m finding housework quite hard to do and end up doing it as soon as DH home. DH Will do the house work but I have to ask. He wouldn’t just think oh there are plates to wash up I best go do them.

I will be chatting to DH about sharing the load more. DH is home by 4pm so could do the dinner or tidy up a bit.

Just fee a bit overwhelmed.

Couldn't read and run.
Ive got 8 week old twins and a DD who turned 2 this week
I'm going through hell with out boy twin who sounds similar to your newborn. It's a nightmare. He crys all the time too, won't be out down, lie flat etc. Pretty much exactly what you've described. Husband also works crazy hours and starts at stupid o clock meaning all night feeds are up to me. We've tried all the colic stuff with boy twin, had tounge tie released, a suspected cow's milk allergy so changed his milk, which did make him a bit better but still not great. And now treating him with omprazole for silent reflux.
With all of that, boy twin sleeping for max 90mins at a time, the other twin and the toddler, I am honestly on my fuckin knees.

BUT it is just a stage. And it will pass (or so I repeat 345662 times a day) going from experience with the toddler who granted wasn't as difficult as boy twin, I don't even remember the sleepless nights with her and she since about 11 months has slept through the night and is just the happiest wee soul.

And it's okay to cry or be frustrated as It does get better and it does get so much more enjoyable. So hang on in there and remember and tell yourself you are doing an amazing job!

Have you taken baby to docs or contacted your health visitor about colic? Keep pressing at them. You got this.

It’s hard. My eldest was a difficult baby, never seemed happy but it really did get better. Unfortunately your ‘d’h can’t decide which bits of parenting he wants. If you have a baby you have sleepless nights, on what planet did he think he doesn’t have to do that bit! You’re doing a fantastic job just keep going you really will turn a corner soon

@rosegoldivy sounds very hard! Saw nurse then doctor who told me why was I wasting his time didn’t examine ds or hold him when I can get anti
Colic stuff from chemist. Made me feel as if I was wasting his time. Heath visitor like wet weekend.

@hellywelly3 we sort of fell into a pattern where he went in spare room for my sanity as he was like a bear with a sore arse on broken sleep. All we did was argue.

[quote Lemonsandlemonade]@rosegoldivy sounds very hard! Saw nurse then doctor who told me why was I wasting his time didn’t examine ds or hold him when I can get anti
Colic stuff from chemist. Made me feel as if I was wasting his time. Heath visitor like wet weekend.

@hellywelly3 we sort of fell into a pattern where he went in spare room for my sanity as he was like a bear with a sore arse on broken sleep. All we did was argue.[/quote]
Please don't be palmed off by shit docs or nurses. Can you contact your health visitor? Or next time he had a rough night take him to out of hours, they tend to take you more seriously there!
Sometimes it's not as easy as "just colic" and there could be other options available!

Sorry missed the bit where u said your health visitor was shit. Keep at them. At end of the day your his mum and if you think there's more to it then push for it. If we didn't push for more help we wouldn't have realised twin had a cow's milk allergy

You can absolutely do this and I am glad you will be speaking to DH, sit down together and make a list if he just doesn't realise when things need doing. He should have things he needs to do too. Also, I would recommend a sling too, it saved my back and helped with naps.

@Lemonsandlemonade you’re right in the thick of it now. It WILL get better. My dd was like this and tbh it was hell, the toll it took on my mental health was dire as we couldn’t get any professional to take us seriously and actually help us. She was our fourth dc so we weren’t inexperienced, we KNEW something was wrong. As it is, it took 18 months for us to be given reflux meds for her which made a difference immediately and we were given a pretty grovelling apology from the consultant we’d been trying to get to at least trial reflux meds since dd was 6 weeks old, but was adamant there was nothing wrong with her and we were just neurotic. Not being helped was almost as bad as having to suffer through the actual screaming. I’ve never known such an unsettled child, I spent a fortune on different gizmos in an attempt to actually put her down happily, we tried about 5 different swings, chairs, fancy moving contraptions. None of it helped. I spent my whole day just holding her. Unfortunately sling wasn’t an option for me as the pregnancy had really damaged my back and hips. I couldn’t even put her down on her playmat so absolutely NOTHING got done. I’m not one to sit around and it was so difficult. Even now, at just turned 2, dd has never slept in her cot for a nap, it’s always been either holding her or by taking her out in the buggy. It got to the stage where I couldn’t even take her in the car as she’d scream so much I was worried I’d crash.
Practically, your DH needs to help out way more. Even in that’s getting up earlier to make you a flask or tea and a sandwich you can grab later. DH didn’t realise I wasn’t eating as I never had 2 hands free to make something, as soon as he did he made sure there were things in the fridge for me.
Please please go back to the doctor and be more insistent. I suspected cows milk allergy which was later proved, and cut it out of my diet as I was breastfeeding. After a year I was on my knees and switched her to oat milk, and started anti depressants. The improvement was huge, and almost instant. I’d been resistant to both bottle feeding and trying anti depressants but god, I wish I’d done both earlier.
You MUST try and sleep. We had no easily asked for help as both sets of our parents and all of our friends work full time, but I wish I’d just asked. I’d be round like a shot if one of my friends needed this kind of help. It feels like a huge imposition in your head, but asking someone to have a baby, even a screaming one, for a few hours will generally be something most people will happily do. And don’t do the bloody housework while they have them. Shower. Sleep. Eat.
I should say, I have an incredibly supportive DH who has done more than his fair share (likely as he saw me crumbling under the weight of it all tbh). I don’t know how I’d have managed without him. Even now, he’s the one who gets up with dd in the night and if she wakes early (posting this from bed while they’re already downstairs!) as he knows how much the first year of constant walk by and feeds took it out of me, and he’s one of the fabled men who can sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow whereas even if I’m absolutely knackered I’m a very poor sleeper who takes hours to drift off. It’s a hard slog but I’m so grateful that it’s never felt unfair. I’d have found it so hard to deal with a baby this difficult by myself. It’s time for a frank talk. Work doesn’t trump his responsibilities at home.