Help - table manners in a business environment

[InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest]

Nearly a year ago we hired a new member of staff to join our small (15) team. We are all based from home so that, coupled with the Covid-linked restrictions, means we haven't had a chance to meet over lunch, with or without a client until recently.

A few days ago I had the opportunity to have lunch with this person and I couldn't fail but notice that their table manners are quite poor. From talking with their mouth full (not open wide, but enough to be unpleasant), to holding their fork from the bottom of the handle with their 'fist' wrapped around it, I was quite surprised and disheartened. There is no way we could have this person join a lunch meeting with a client, especially given our client contacts are usually GMs, VPs or CXOs. However this person is fairly good at their job so I'd like to eliminate this table manners issue and have them join client meetings taking place over meals.

What is the most tactful way of bringing this up with them? I looked up relevant etiquette courses for business people but they are several hundreds of pounds and we would need to offer them to everyone so as to not single out this particular member of staff, costing the company thousands of pounds.

Any suggestions gratefully received. Thank you!

I shouldn't worry, plenty of senior people talk with their mouths full and I can't say as I've ever noticed how people hold their cutlery. If they are good at their job, that's all that matters.

Meet for coffee instead

Are you the manager? If it worries you this much and it’s a serious flaw in their ability to do the job you need to catalogue your concerns and raise the worst issues with them, giving them examples of how to improve and let them know that when's you have important client dinners you need them to do xyz not abc
It doesn’t matter what the issue is, if your employee can’t do an element of their job you need to coach them to be better.
However is it really that serious how they hold cutlery?

If it is of such a concern, I would have a quiet word, however part of me wouldn't have be able to stop myself from saying - Ted, I can see what you are eating by looking at your plate, please lets keep it that way!

The way they hold cutlery, I wouldn't have noticed, having had dinner with multiple clients, I have never noticed how they hold their fork and I expect that they have not noticed that I swap my fork and knife between hands.

Talking with your mouth full and not covering your mouth at least, is basic manners.

If the direct approach worries you, do an internal training session on how to present yourself over dinner with a client and include other topics such as polite conversation, if it is ok to discuss business etc. Include everyone in this and then you are not singling out the newbie.

If entertaining your clients is a major part of the job you have to address it , just as you would address anything else

When I was a teenager one of my friend's mothers arranged us to go on this slightly bizarre one day course that was all about presenting yourself professionally. Literally a mix of how to dress appropriately - in a way that ws useful, basically talking about how clothes are communication, why certain events have certain dress codes, and how basically instead of obsessing with what people think of us we should dress in a way not to cause discomfort (obviously this is in the workplace/with clients) - how to speak on the phone, and there was a brief session on table manners. It was a bit random, but some bits of it were useful.

I'm sure rather than a course, you could get someone to come into the office for a half day and cover various elements of interacting with clients, and brief them to cover 'basics' of table manners.

While I agree that the mouth open thing really needs improvement, the cutlery hold may well be something that they just can't do anything about and IMO is just a difference, not ill-mannered. Look around any dining table and you will see all sorts of ways of holding cutlery.

Manners are mportant. It’s like how if they were dressed inappropriately (eg offensive slogan on T-shirt; wearing T-shirt when business attire required etc) you would say something.

However, difficulty is that what you’re describing is relatively minor and quite subjective. Could you get someone else’s opinion to check that you don’t have unreasonably high table manners expectations? I used to work with my DH and I told him off after a business lunch for cutting his bread with a knife rather than tearing it and not eating his soup away from him (hard to explain in writing!). He also used to finish his main in about 2 minutes flat while people were just getting started. All in Michelin starred London restaurants. Anyway, he thought I was ridiculous and said that no one cared about manners and he’s now senior level at his firm!

Could you present a course as a ‘brush up on social skills lost due to covid/wfh’ for the whole management team? Like pp has suggested as day course in the office thing?

(Yanbu imo).

There must be a YouTube training video on this? Why not create one that you can show all staff to communicate expectations so that it doesn't single out this particular individual?

If there isn’t - that might be a good business to be in.

Like this OP:

Treat it as any other critical skill for the job and either the company pays the training or they trian themselves using success criteria outlined by you (eg presumably you don't need them to know how to behave at a state dinner, but you do want them to use cutlery in the conventional manner, know which pieces to use, and you might want them to know that port is passed to the left?)

You do need to make sure there's no physical disability which dictates how they hold their fork etc.

people often judge a company by the behaviour and appearance of its staff. Scruffy unkempt people that are allowed to represent the company are making a statement about the standards set by the company. Those standards could be evident in the standards of their work as well.

Your description of how the fork is handled is frankly appalling. I don't believe this is subjective. You are right to question how this would be viewed by customers. You would be doing this person a favour by talking to them about this.

Anyway, he thought I was ridiculous and said that no one cared about manners and he’s now senior level at his firm!

Well, quite. Especially if you are male, you can be the more boorish lout on the planet and no-one cares.

Manners, apparently, do not maketh the man.

And absolutely do not circulate a YouTube video about table manners, unless you want the entire company to laugh at you behind your back.

Thank you very much for all the input. Having someone meet the whole team with a 'how to present yourselves to clients' hints and tips day may be the way to go. Especially since we are often 'MCing' the events so have all eyes on us for parts of the time.

I'm a pretty sure there is no disability that affects how this person holds cutlery (see picture - not mine. Just lifted it off the web to give you an idea) - they also had an issue with dress code but I managed to address this (I am her boss by the way - someone asked).

I am just surprised at how some people are not taught 'OK' table manners - I'm not talking how to use a million pieces of cutlery. Just how NOT to use it should you get a job in an environment where these things matter (flame me...).

You just have to be boss like about it; the same as if it was a hygiene issue. Its awkward to tell someone they smell bad, but managers need to do that. The script for that is usually a quick word, to the point and blunt whilst acknowledging that it may be awkward to say but is important for harmony in the business.

Why not find a script for telling an employee they need to improve their hygiene, and just replace all hygiene comments with relevant table manner comments. Just blunt and quick, but kind. And include the context for why it is important (client facing meetings over fancy dinners).

@HarebrightCedarmoon

And absolutely do not circulate a YouTube video about table manners, unless you want the entire company to laugh at you behind your back.

If they're that juvenile perhaps they're not mature enough to have a job mixing with clients

If this is really a development area for the staff member, that affects their ability to be effective in their role, of course you can book the training just for them, just as you would if they were lacking any other skill.

Obviously you don't make it public knowledge, but then you wouldn't for any other development need.

Do check about the disability thing, one of my teen DCs holds cutlery like that because he is dyspraxic, we've tried everything under the sun to try and help him use it more conventionally in case he's ever unfortunate enough to be in a situation like this where it's important but he just can't do it any other way.