(Tw: severe depression). New strategies?

[Classicolive]

NCed as I don’t want to link to old threads.

Am wondering if there is anyone else who suffers from long term depression and can give me advice?

Ive had depression for at least 25 years. I take anti depressants which take the edge off. But right now I’m having a dip and I can’t quite take the fact that this is it. For the rest of my life.

I’m 42. Kids are just past the needy stage (7&9). Perhaps I need some new coping strategies? I’ve tried cbt, exercise, therapy healthy eating etc. Nothing lasts.

I try to be open about my depression but today I overheard dd9 telling dd7 that people with depression want to die. I don’t think Ive ever said that but of course I do feel that way and I am terrified I am infecting them with my illness too.

Have you thought of studying depression? Digging in to the science, the psychology, the history, the development of treatment? Maybe approaching it as something outside of you that you can learn about as a 'dry' subject will shine a light on your situation and help your daughters gain a better understanding.

I’ve suffered with depression for 20 years with 3 major spells. I’ve been medicated on and off the whole time. For me, what broke the cycle and has given me my life back was therapy. 6 months of bi-weekly private therapy. It was life changing. My therapist dug deep into my childhood and adolescence and she managed to unravel the source of my decades of depression. I had no idea what the source was, her patience and excellence changed me. If you can afford it, do it.

@Sarahlou63 interesting idea, thank you

@Hardchoices how did you find a therapist? My last one was not great. I don’t trust my judgment any more

Really sorry you are suffering op

I can't advise about medication because I have never dared to take it and although I have been very low at times, I have come back out of it eventually each time. And now I have changed my life significantly so that I am not as badly affected as before.

This website is excellent therapynutshell.com/

There are different types of depression as you probably know eg atypical which might be worth researching.

And, this isn't true for everyone, as every individual is different with different symptoms, causes, some with no apparent cause etc, but I am of the firm belief that depression can be a sign that you are living the wrong life. Some psychologists would prefer to frame that as having to adjust or lower expectations. But I think sometimes actual change is necessary which may not always be practicable or possible.

This book helped me a lot: Sunbathing in the Rain: A Cheerful Book About Depression by Gwyneth Lewis

A list of other helpful books.

Good luck op

Did you really try the exercise? It really helps me but it's more than a walk. I run outside nearly every day, rain or shine and at weekend I cycle. It's a serious time commitment and it took probably three months to feel change.

I'd said for probably fifteen years that I was too busy. Didn't have time. Was tired. But it's the only thing that's made any dent. I don't think I'll ever get off ADs but I feel better than I have done for probably 25 years.

My depression is, to me, very obviously hormone related, not that any doctor has ever been that interested to find out. I think that probably responds particularly well to exercise.

Yes, I’ve been exercising 6 days a week for 15 years. Running, cycling, swimming, yoga, weights, hiit. It makes a huge difference but it is not a cure. Plus it makes me terrified about any change in routine, at a certain point a dependence on exercize is quite limiting. I am frankly terrified about the summer holidays when I will have 6 weeks of f/t childcare to manage and so they have to exercise with me but it’s not the same

I would agree with other PP.

I suffered increasing bouts of spiralling low mood, depression and PND. ADs had a minimal impact and at one point I believed I didn’t have the capacity for another depression in me and that my husband and children couldn’t handle this anymore.

Therapy - with an experienced psychotherapist (over 3 years) turned my life around. I learned that I was experiencing complex PTSD from negative parenting style in my childhood and learned techniques to intercept the symptoms. That was about 90% “cured” - it look about 2 years of hard work in therapy but I was improving from about 6 months in.

Other lifestyle stuff helped. Exercise started with minimum fast 1.5hr walk a day - now I run 30 mins x3 a week as well. Needs intense regular exercise every morning first thing.

I rarely drink any alcohol now - it just doesn’t help my mood / body chemistry.

I note your age - I would look at peri menopause symptoms as these on top of my underlying depression (insomnia, anxiety, short fuse, rage) put my MH onto another level. I wish I had got HRT sooner.

I also believe that living the wrong life with the wrong person is not helpful. I changed my career and approach to work which wasn’t some workaholic, high stressed, crazy paced life.

But a good therapist (psychotherapist NOT counsellor and certainly not CBT) was the starting point for me.

What was your upbringing like? Was your parents marriage happy and were they both open, warm, respectful, kind, supportive and encouraging of you?

@Tendonsandjoints thank you

@Sssloou thank you for the psychotherapy recommendation. Perhaps that is what I need to find. I had a very bad experience last time.

I had a troubled childhood and have tried to work through the issues. I am so tired at the moment that I can’t face having to explain it all over again to a new therapist but that may be a symptom rather than anything else

@Classicolive - have a look at this article and see if it resonates with you.

www.psychotherapy.org.uk/

This directory is for psychotherapists only rather than BACP which is for counsellors as well - easier to navigate. Psychotherapist take 5 years to train at either Masters or PhD level.

Have a read of Pete Walkers website about complex PTSD and the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Koch.

I understand being overwhelmed and not having the energy to want to talk through your past but you just need a half a sentence of words to start the process. It’s more about gently exploring physical feelings that emerge with the therapist guiding, holding and soothing rather than a complex verbal exchange - my therapist was skilled in sensorimotor work.

www.pete-walker.com/

Oh Classic. I'm sorry. I suppose I can see me becoming exercise dependant too. I'm worse this week after having to isolate with kids.

Maybe the right therapist is the answer. I'm similar to you though that I just don't know how to pick the right person.

Do you ever feel better? I definitely see a lessening of symptoms when the sun is out.

Hi. I was assigned a random therapist when I arranged an appt at a private clinic. It was sheer luck we clicked so well. I had previously been assigned a therapist through the nhs but he was bloody awful and pretty much said I should be glad I didn’t have a terminal illness

If you don’t click with the therapist in the first session - leave them and get another. I am a huge believer in trusting your gut in who you chose to have a patient/therapist relationship with.

TAAT. Try this course;

www.udemy.com/course/online_course_for_help_with_depression/

But don't pay the full price! Click on the link over a couple of days and it magically discounts to less than £20.