How to stop feeling responsible for my colleagues' mistakes?

[subtlerose]

I work in a small team of four. We are all at the same level and have the same responsibilities. Our work is all interconnected, it's one big task with several steps and we each pitch in and help with all of the steps within the task, if that makes sense.

We had a day where we made a lot of mistakes and our manager had to have words with us. It was awful. I ended up secretly crying in the toilets on my lunch break as I felt really guilty and incompetent (I know, embarrassing but I'm quite sensitive). However, I went through it all in my head and I'm pretty sure I didn't contribute to any of the mistakes, but we are viewed as a team with equal responsibility so I just brushed myself off and moved on.

Since then there have been a few incidences of mistakes. They were not my mistakes and my manager knows this. My manager spoke to me the other day off the record and said he is considering moving one of my colleagues to a different department as he feels that this colleague is not performing well and not working well with us as a team. I didn't really say anything as I felt awkward speaking negatively about a colleague, it was also after a specific incident that I was not present for so could not comment on. My manager said he doesn't want me having to shoulder the responsibility of everything. However, that colleague is still working with us so I don't know if my manager changed their mind or if they are giving them another chance.

My manager also asked me on on one occasion to help one of my colleagues as they were struggling/being slow. I tried to help my colleague. He didn't want to say anything to my colleague so asked me to do it quietly and without making a big deal about it which I agreed to do. But my colleague ended up feeling frustrated with me and I felt awkward like I was hovering over their shoulder.

Since then I have realised how stressed at work I am about two of my colleagues. I am constantly looking over at what they are doing to make sure they are doing things the right way. For example, I am opening up the documents they produce and quickly checking them when I have a spare moment. A colleague made a mistake yesterday and when our manager found out he talked to us as a group again and said it's not acceptable. It really knocks my confidence even though I know that it's not my responsibility or my mistakes that are occurring.

I need to speak up to my manager, don't I?

Your manager probably doesnt want to be seen to single anyone out.

You haven't been asked to check anyones work, so while its a conscientious thing to do, you know you are adding to your anxiety. Its not your fault if your colleague got frustrated, thats more likely their issue, and as long as you showed them what you needed to and they understood then you did what was asked. If they didnt understand then raise that back with your manager.

It sounds like your manager doesn't really want to deal with the situation, I'd just be honest that its affecting morale, and you would like to clarify that it isnt you responsible, but also try and come with a solution - is there an area where you could introduce a process that would stop there being so many mistakes?

I think you've got a manager problem. It's not fair you're copping the flack for other people's mistakes. Sounds like your manager doesn't want to deal with this one person. Poor management.

Agree with others, the manager knows it's not you but is reluctant to act. Maybe, when he told you his plan, he was waiting to see if you agree with him. When you didn't say, yes good idea (and you were right not to) he bottled it.

I really like my manager. I completely understand his reluctance to act as it removing this colleague would leave us short-staffed and so may even make things worse...

I admit I felt really awkward when my manager brought it up to me and I wasn't expecting him to tell me that so I kind of brushed it off "oh it's just hiccups as we all get used to working with each other" but since that conversation I have been paying more attention to the group dynamics and I can see that this colleague is quite difficult to work with.

One example is something wasn't working and they made a big deal about it so our manager got up and came over to help and she just brushed him aside "it's fine, I'll keep trying" and didn't let him help or even see what the issue actually was. I felt really awkward as it's like you've interrupted our manager and he has come over to help and you're telling him to go away basically... She does the same when I try and help her with things.

Ok well, I think you need to stop feeling responsible for things that are not your fault, not your problem, and not your job to sort out. Or else, drop your colleague in it Apprentice board room style, the next time there's a team telling off!