Positives - being an older mum

[Acc575]

Hi any one on here who is an older mum (had 2nd plus child after 40) who is now a few years down the line? Interested to know if people would do the same again given the chance or if it was difficult (esp with menopause pending) just people's personal views please. I had first daughter at 35 and found I had the energy and more but is a baby at 40 a lot harder then 35? Or with 2 at 40?

If I could go back I probably wouldn't have had kids ( Had both 40+ and I am now approaching 50). But that is because my entire life imploded and I am having to restart my life from scratch and its incredibly hard (to put it mildly) to do that at this age with young children. I know I am pretty much fucked long term in most areas of my life.

If my life had remained secure I think I would be happy. I guess its tiring but if I had my old normal life with kids I think I would be laughing. It would certainly be a piece of piss compared to what I am actually living,

I think age is about attitude. I am an older mum (typically, DS arrived at the 11th hour ) and because I have no idea what it would have been like to have him in my 20s, I can't compare it.

Yes I was tired but so are younger mums, I just had to make doubly sure I got as much rest as I could, as soon as I could.

For me the big positives were/are that I have done a lot of the other stuff I want to do with my life, so I can thoroughly enjoy doing mum things (always being available for school stuff, enjoying looking after him because I fit other stuff around it, not the other way round - I still work part-time) and also that I have MUCH more patience than I did even a few years ago...watching him grow and develop is a genuine delight.

The menopause was not without its challenges, being woken up by a hot flush/insomnia when I knew I'd have to get up early to be with DS and so on...and some menopausal anxiety which of course focused on DS...but generally it was ok, manageable is probably the best word.

I had my last baby (she’s 10 months now) at 40. I had my others at 22 and 34.

I’m knackered

With ds, at 22 I didn’t bat an eyelid at being up all night. At 34 I was beginning to feel it and at 40 I feel it more BUT I am ten stone heavier than I was which doesn’t help anything.

I’ve always been a SAHM though, apart from a few stints of part time care work. And I’ve done a lot of travelling with my kids.

Day to day nothing is different to with my first 18/19 years ago, and my age gaps are so big that i’ve not had two tiny kids to care for at the same time.

See my daughter didn't sleep for 3.5 years, I mainly struggled with the nights at 35 but that's because she was unwell and it was all night for years while I was working full time but she is now OK. I have alot of energy still, I can get up do full day at work, come home do house stuff then go running at 10pm but conscious of the fact I won't always be like that. I have just turned 40 and iam desperate for another child, we have bn trying for about 4 months but I feel I may have left it too late and then the other part worries because iam not sure if it happened then in 10years time I will feel like I should have been grateful of what I have now and it was too much. Although I feel so guilty on my daughter as an only child, she kps asking for a brother or sister also. My family think I'm mad starting again at 40. Iam not sure how long to kp trying for really. So hard as feel if I had of bn younger so 30 and 35 I would 100% try again and not even be concerned about age, even trying to 38 or 39.

Don’t worry about what other people think! You should have heard some of the comments I got for being pregnant again when my eldest was turning 18!

At the time I was very robust about age is a frame of mind etc. Physically I'm not sure whether I was any more knackered than much younger mothers. I had an advantage in that 2 decades of wanting a child gave me a much more balanced and appreciative perspective of the hard stuff when I actually had one, and having had 20 years linger to advance my career was a big plus too.

It's now, in my 50s with 2 primary aged DCs, that I'm seeing the disadvantages more clearly. Most people at my career stage have older/adult kids and dealing with the disruption and demands of small ones is out of step. I could be the mother if many of the other class mums, and while I socialise with them and they're lovely, it adds a note of distance. I worry that my age will affect my kids and have more angst about aging/fitness than I otherwise would.

Some only relate to my own situation: if you have a financially supportive partner and can balance your life, plus enduring relationships with your own friends, then it would be hugely easier. I wouldn't give them back!

@OneMoreForExtra snap, I waited 10 years for DS and honestly, compared to all the hard stuff we went through to get him, getting up at night with him was a pleasure!

And yes, it is strange being much older than the other mums at school, but that's a small price to pay for the happiness DS has brought me. I also worry about ageing and fitness and everything that goes with that...but then I remind myself that there are no guarantees at any age.

And no, I wouldn't give DS back...he is worth every moment of the heartache we went through before he arrived...and his happy smile makes every day wonderful.

Bless you. You sound like you can deal with people like that! Life isn't always simple or perfect is it? I work with alot of young men who think my age is ancient they would laugh if they knew I was trying for a baby but then on the other hand they have said a few times that you can't have just one child they are spoilt or strange and that's upset me a few times. People do not think! behind closed doors I've bn desperately trying for a baby and also upset about my daughter possibly being on her own and that I may have left it too late.

Thankyou onemoreforextra... My oldest daughter will be leaving senior school when I'm 51 if I have another now and at 51 I'd have other going up to senior school... Do u think from your experience that would be any easier or still hard with the age and you would say the same?

The main advantage is all down to financial situation imo.
Having a small mortgage and investments means being, primarily, a SAHP. This goes on to mean that night feeding etc. does not impact in the same way as it would if I was on the 6am commute. Ongoing it means I am around for school stuff.