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Original poster

I keep dreaming my mum is still alive

22 replies

CallMeNutribullet · 07/07/2021 09:03

Ok i've not put this in bereavement because it's been over 3 years and i'm really ok, I don't think i'm stuck in a stage of grief or anything, but I keep having dreams that my mum is still alive. Not that she's come back to life or anything, it's just that she never died and I was wondering how common this is?

My mum and I were very close but had in some ways a difficult relationship. Around the time of her death I was having some talking therapy due to my low self esteem and she was a big cause of it. She was in many ways a brilliant mum who would have done anything for me but was also very critical. I can see now this was a big part of her anxiety - she was always negative and worried about things.

In my dreams i'm often angry with her.

Does this mean anything?

OP posts:
Mummysausage36 · 07/07/2021 09:27

Hi, I lost my mum nearly 4 years ago. Like you we were close but had a difficult relationship she was an alcoholic so we often had fallings out due to her drinking. I dream of her also and like you I have dreams where she is still alive but I'm angry with her over the things I got angry with her for when she was alive. I don't know what it means really maybe it's just part of the greaving process, it's awful to lose a parent I'm sorry you have also gone through this Flowers.

CaptainCorelli · 07/07/2021 09:34

I lost my mum in 2016 and Dad in 2018 and still regularly dream about them both, being alive and reliving their deaths. I think it’s fairly normal, especially when you get to a place where you think about them less in the day time. I think the thoughts are still there but they get pushed into your dreams instead.

BonnyEm · 07/07/2021 09:34

I think it's quite common. Dh dreams of his dad alive, he died many years ago. I too, dream of my mum, nan, aunt, friend who are no longer with us but are very much alive in my dreams.

DonLewis · 07/07/2021 09:36

My mum also died three years ago. Last night I dreamed I was offering to make her beans on toast. Like nothing had happened, just a regular day.

My sister also dreams about mum. She is often angry with her in her dreams.

We both assume it's normal and just some subconscious processing of stuff.

Yoksha · 07/07/2021 09:38

I'm 64 & my dad died 38yrs ago this November. I still dream of him in an enquiring way. He was young compared to me now & I always have a bitter sweet feeling when I awake. I think I'll experience this until I'm no longer alive.

Original poster
CallMeNutribullet · 07/07/2021 09:50

Thanks everyone, glad to hear it's normal. Sorry for everyone's loss.

OP posts:
5128gap · 07/07/2021 10:40

15 years for me, and I still do. Usually at times when I particularly miss her, DDs wedding, new job etc. Its always lovely to see her.

Arsebucket · 07/07/2021 10:56

My mum died when I was 11, it’s 40 years later and i still dream that she didn’t die, or that I was told she died but didn’t really (she wasn’t great and her children, my older half siblings were awful to me so that’s where it stems from).

They are very distressing dreams to have.

TeaAndStrumpets · 07/07/2021 11:16

My mum died 30 years ago. Occasionally she will be in one of my dreams, just to chat with, nothing dramatic. OP I am 70 and have lost several close friends over the years - but in my dreams they are still alive. I'm always pleased to see them!

Fleamaker123 · 07/07/2021 11:22

I lost my mum 14 years ago, I sometimes dream I go in the house where I grew up and she's sat in the chair knitting, she says she's feeling ok now. Sometimes I dream she didn't really die, I got it wrong. Other times she's just there but doesn't say anything. I think it's just part of processing it? Such a big loss 💔

haveaday · 07/07/2021 11:27

Not my mum but my husband died over 3 years ago. I still dream about him most nights. I look forward to going to bed so I can see him 💔

SirenSays · 07/07/2021 11:53

I keep dreaming of my Nana recently. It's always such a shock to wake up and realise she isn't here any longer.
Does your mum have a grave or is there somewhere special you would feel close to her, I wonder if you would benefit from going to talk to her and get some things off your chest. I'm not very spiritual but it can be quite cathartic to just lay your feelings out.

KittytheHare · 07/07/2021 11:56

Very normal Op, I frequently dream about both my deceased parents.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 07/07/2021 11:59

OP I have almost exactly the same experience (my mum died 3 years ago and your mum sounds very similar to how mine was) except that in my dreams she's always angry at ME 😂

I think it's very normal. My dad died when I was about 16 and for a long time I had dreams that he was still alive, that everyone thought he'd died but he hadn't etc. That was my teenage brain's way of coping with grief.

motheroreily · 07/07/2021 11:59

My mum died 7 years ago and I've been dreaming about her every night for the past week. It's nice to see her in my dreams. I know she's died and I'm surprised to see her. But I wake up feeling sad

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 07/07/2021 12:01

Just to add...in one of my recent dreams I knew it was a dream (if you know what I mean) and gave my mum a big hug. That was a lovely dream 😊

BigGreenOlives · 07/07/2021 12:04

I dream about my son who has a complicated life and we rarely hear from, I dream that he is living a simpler life and happy. I don’t dream about my mother who died 15 years ago but used to see women who look like her often & think I’d seen her.

Lipz · 07/07/2021 12:06

Oh gosh was sitting here just thinking this. I dream most nights of my Mum and Dad, I was wondering why I was dreaming about them. In my dreams They are both healthy and it's normal stuff we are doing together. They were both so ill before they died that it's strange 'seeing' them the way they use to be. Every morning I wake with that one second of happiness thinking they are alive and then it hits me that they are gone and I'll never see them again 😢😢 it's so heartbreaking.

Inthesameboatatmo · 07/07/2021 12:08

I still have dreams sometimes of my parents being alive,not the greatest of relationships with either of them ,the dreams seem to happen when I really haven't been thinking of them to warrant a dream like that.

MummyJ12 · 07/07/2021 12:10

I lost my dad very suddenly when I was 22. He was only 48. I sometimes dream of him coming back, and by the end of the dream I always lose him again. In the dream I am living in fear that he dies again and always does.
The only exception to this is when he had recently passed (21 years ago) I had a dream that he came back to say goodbye and to tell me he loved me. He also wanted his wedding ring that mum didn’t bury him with. That one didn’t feel like a dream at all. It felt very real.
So sorry to hear about everyone’s loss. It’s good to know that these dreams are common and I’m not entirely bonkers!

PiddleOfPuppies · 07/07/2021 12:11

Not quite the same, but I have vivid dreams where I'm having normal conversations with my FIL - he had a stroke 3 years and lost his voice. I loved chatting with him and putting the world to rights and it's what's confusing when I wake up and realise it will never happen again.

Wheresmrpenguin · 07/07/2021 13:09

This happens to me most nights, my mum was 6 years ago, and they're usually the most in eventful dreams such as asking me to get something from the shop, or babysitting my DD( who she didn't get to meet) . It's nice, it helps me as it feels like she's here.

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