I can’t shake the idea that everything would be better if I were gone. I’ve contacted the GP, on the waiting list for counselling, don’t want drugs because I am breastfeeding my second child. My husband had a nervous breakdown and abused alcohol during my second pregnancy. My marriages feels like it’s been hanging by a thread for a year. He is in paid for therapy but we can’t both afford it. My relationship with my mother and father is very strained. My husband and parents are completely estranged. I just feel like the common denominator is me. I love my two DD so much but I just feel like whatever I do I will eventually fuck them up. I fought so hard to fix my relationships with my parents, I’ve been fighting so hard for my marriage but it’s just endless. My husband and I agreed guardians for my daughters in the event of any tragedy but I just feel like I should get my will written, get their guardian ships set up before I can damage them too. Part of my brain is screaming that I am wrong but th evidence just feels a overwhelming. They are such sweet girls, I love them, I love feeding them and caring for them, playing with them but everyone I love I now have terrible relationship with. I cannot bear that to happen to them and it must be me. Please help. I am not about to do anything. Just find the arguments for my absence overwhelming