Anxiety and parenting...

[GallopingGreen]

Talk to me about anxiety... my two dc started in a summer sports camp today. Younger DD is with a friend. Older DS (age 9) has no friends at this camp. He is a verrrry awkward and shy boy. No confidence in himself. Low self esteem. He really didn't want to go ... but I suggested he go for 3 days and see if he liked it (as a way to get him there and Hoping he would enjoy it)

So I collected them both this afternoon and felt huge relief when I saw him smiling and talking to another boy. BUT out of nowhere I am now overcome with anxiety. DS is very naive - what if these other boys have phones and are showing him inappropriate stuff. There seems to be no real supervision at the summer camp and is run by teenagers. Can I ask the teenage supervisors tomorrow to keep an eye on him?

I think the real issue here is my anxiety... I have a demanding job with a large team that I manage. I am generally a relaxed happy individual. However I am having sleepless nights over my DS encountering difficult situations as he grows up and I HATE it- it is exhausting.

I don't know what I'm asking in this post- I just wanted to write it down and get it out of my head.. any advice?

One thing I find helps us working out what I’d do, so what would I do if someone showed something inappropriate to my child, how would I address it with the childcare setting, how would I support my child. There are very, very few things that can’t be overcome, so understanding what my worry is and then having a plan to deal with it lessens my anxiety somewhat.

I think also accepting that we can’t control their environment when they aren’t with us, we can equip them to know when to ask for help, keep an open relation etc but we can’t stop them coming up against difficult stuff. Control what you can, let go of what you can’t.

Thank you so much for that really practical advice. That has already helped me this morning.

The problem with anxiety is that it robs you of being able to take pleasure and pride in him being able to cope in that setting. Accepting that there will be things he finds tricky, and knowing you’ll find a way through it allows you to hopefully park some of the worry until you actually have a situation you need to address - and not start blaming yourself if/when something does come up (I just knew that would happen).

Remember that healthy development happens over a lifetime and adversity is all part of it - he needs to meet tricky stuff so that he learns he can come through it with help. Google “growth mindset”, there are some helpful resources for him that might give you ideas of how to frame things for you and for him.