He hasn't left, has he?

[Backhills]

I have a friend who was completely conned by a man about 10 years ago.

He was "separated" and living with his mother, after a couple of years, they spent 2 years making plans to move in together. She never met his mother because she disapproved of the marriage breakdown. Friend bought a flat in her name (thankfully) because his finances were too complex for him to contribute. On the day he was due to move he had to come clean that he'd actually been living with his wife, as a married couple for their entire relationship - 4 years in total my this point.

She didn't see home for a couple of years then for reasons that are unclear to me, she decided to "try again". By this point he'd had a child and the fact he was married was no secret, she was well aware she was the OW for another 4 years.

Then, a year or so ago he left again, to live with his mother. Again friend is unable to meet mother.

He has been due to move in each of the last 4 weekends. Various excuses ranging from Covid isolation, through to mother being ill and hospitalisation of the child. Friend has no proof of any of this, but who lies about their child being in hospital?!

It's not going to happen, is it?

She's a strong, educated, professional woman. A very senior position and well respected in the industry. Lots of friends and interests. Why is she prepared to live like this?

She's invested too much already. And she doesn't want to lose face by giving up now. Maybe she wants a baby? Maybe she can't face starting all over again with someone new? Silly woman.

She's already in her 50s, so the baby opportunity passed last time round. He's a lot younger.

I'm sorry for your friend Backhills. It's amazing how easily some people are conned, scammed and generally shafted but those who do that are very plausible. I am surprised she wants to 'try again' with him but he has obviously got her under a spell. Nothing you can do but stand by and support her. Hopefully she doesn't actually lose a lot of money over this.

Poor, silly woman and his poor wife. If she finds out that may put an end to it.

She's a strong, educated, professional woman. A very senior position and well respected in the industry. Lots of friends and interests

She's also a complete fool, and a willing one at that. If he's playing her again its because she is letting him. Stay out of it.

She might be educated but not very clever.

I do feel for her, she's so sad, but also bringing it on herself.

I have two friends like this. One has been in love with a guy for years who has gone on to get married to someone else and start a family but for completely cruel reasons of his own seems to take pleasure in popping up in her life as a "friend", usually just when she has determined to move on, with sad wistful bullshit about how she was the one who got away and isn't it nice that they are such good friends now. Knowing full well it will bring her back to square one in love with him again.

The other has had relationships with a series of emotionally unavailable men, and usually finds out a few months in that they are married. It's crazy.