How can I help DH, bipolar?

[LouLou198]

DH's behaviour has become increasingly erratic over the past few months. At times he is quite manic, but more often than not he appears very depressed. We have had another weekend of him mainly in bed or sat on the sofa on his phone. He has barely conversed with me all weekend, and when he has he has been snappy, complaining about something really minor or making some unkind comment about me. I have tried to talk to him about what is wrong but he won't talk to me and won't access any help, saying he will sort it himself. Other than the stress of the pandemic/lockdown there isn't anything difficult going on in out lives. We are fortunate that we both have jobs, supportive families, a comfortable home and no money worries. We have 2 primary school age children. The situation is becoming increasingly miserable for us all, and I worry about how it is affecting dc. I wondering if he could be Bipolar. I really don't know how to approach this with him, and would welcome any advice, especially from anyone who has a partner with Bipolar. Thanks.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have a partner who has a bipolar diagnosis. I've commented on a few other threads about it.
I'm 37 and my DH is 38. He has struggled since he was 18, but was officially diagnosed when he was 35, so it's a very, very long road.
He takes lots of medication - lithium (life changing), orforil, quetiapine, atarax and occasionally valium. He also takes anatabus to prevent him drinking alcohol.

I could write hundreds of pages about being a partner to someone who has bipolar, but I'll just start here: getting a diagnosis and the correct medication doesn't "fix" it. We'll never have a "normal" life, I'll always be hyper alert to the next episode and I'll always be the "facilitator".
If you have any questions, I'm more than happy to answer them. I have been together with my DH since we were 15 and been with him every step of the way, so I know what you could be facing.
But, think very carefully about the future and do everything you can to protect yourself emotionally, physically and financially.

I am bipolar and would say getting treatment the earlier the better is key. Things get embedded others and are much harder to treat. The obvious difficulty is getting him to recognise he is ill. If he doesn't then you might need to be really harsh and kick him out for a bit (maybe to his parents) so someone else can see he is not right as well and support you?

@JimLaheysWhiskeyBottle thank you so much for your reply. We are a similar age to yourself. We have been together since we were 17. Can I ask if you don't mind does your dh manage to work whilst taking all that medication?

@Pinchoftums thanks so much for your reply, interesting to hear from your perspective and how some tough love may be the answer. His parents are nearby and I was wondering whether it was time to discuss this with him. He only sees them for very short periods of time as dh is rarely leaving the house apart from work, so they may not have noticed anything.

I have bipolar disorder.

In a sense I don't know what to say because the key is getting diagnosed and treated and if he is resistant to this then you're very much stuck.

Has he said why he is resisting getting help?

My life has completely changed since getting treatment. I used to suffer terribly with horrible episodes of depression.

Now, I still have times where things are tougher than they are for the average person but they're on a whole different scale and so much easier to live with.

I'm only on two meds - Venlafaxine (anti depressant) and Quetiapine (anti psychotic).

I have made lots of lifestyle changes though - regular sleeping patterns and pretty much cutting out alcohol.

I work in a mid level management role.

Thank you @wheresmymojo that's really helpful. He won't get help because he just keeps saying "I will sort my head out" but clearly that isn't going to change anything.
Interesting what you say about lifestyle changes. His sleeping pattern will vary from going to bed at 3/4 am then 10pm the next because he is exhausted. No proper routine at all. His eating is just as erratic, will insist on only eating clean foods for a week then will eat McDonald's/takeaways/ high fat and salt snack for the next 2 weeks. Alcohol the same, either excessive or nothing. I do feel some lifestyle changes would really help.