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Original poster

Returning to work with a frequently waking baby

26 replies

endofjune · 04/07/2021 19:50

My maternity leave ends in the next seven weeks and my baby is still waking three times a night.

I’m a bit worried about being a bit zombie like when at work. Can anyone reassure me it isn’t as bad as I’m anticipating?

OP posts:
Usual2usual · 04/07/2021 19:55

It's not that bad....most days.

I felt that, for me, the plus points of being back at work made it worth while but yeah some days can be rough.

I remember one colleague giving me the whole 'cheer up it might never happen' line one day when I was really struggling and I honestly nearly bit their head off with 'I've been awake since 3am it's already happened!'.

It's part of parenting as they get older you will have distrubed sleep with nightmares, sore tummies, weird noises, needing drinks...etc. etc. etc. and have to power through the next day.

If you don't drink coffee yet its maybe time to start.

BendingSpoons · 04/07/2021 20:02

Weirdly I found it easier being at work sleep deprived than being at home. I think this was because I was busier, so less time to think about being tired and because I didn't expect to enjoy work so didn't feel it was tainted by a fog of exhaustion.

waitingvpatiently · 04/07/2021 20:14

Agree with pp it was easier at work as you have to just crack on.

Mine used to wake 3-7 times a night til 18 months. I ended up on the floor next to the cot with baby loads of times just to get sleep although sleep when next to baby was never proper sleep as I expect the mother instinct was to be alert/ not move!

Mine still wakes now a couple of times most nights and you have to just crack on.

Before child I NEEDED 8+ hours to function- now I manage on 5 hours! Confused

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PeonyTime · 04/07/2021 20:14

Err, we decided it wasnt working, so I got pregnant with number 2. By the time I returned from my second maternity leave, the oldest was only up once a night (and up for the day at 5am....).

Peppallama · 04/07/2021 20:16

I returned to work when both DC's were 10 months. Both of them have continued to wake every 2 hours until they were much older. My eldest didn't stop waking every 2 hours until she was 4. You get used to it.

HelloViroids · 04/07/2021 20:16

@endofjune I’m similarly terrified, and I’ve now only got 4 weeks left… Do you have a DP? Am hoping that when I’m back at work it will be easier because I can share the wake ups with DH Confused

Lemonmelonsun · 04/07/2021 20:19

Well I was a sham when they were little and I had no idea how to working mum did it. I was shattered... Although in one respect being able to escape away in the day may help rather than be trapped with the same child who needs 100% care all day when your shattered!!

However even working now dc get odd illness up all night and it's really hard.

Original poster
endofjune · 04/07/2021 20:19

Thanks … I do have a DP, but he isn’t brilliant at waking to be honest. At the moment he takes ds for a couple of hours in the morning while I sleep but won’t be able to do that in September.

I don’t find being tired too bad at home but I hate going to work after a bad night!

OP posts:
Nefelibata86 · 04/07/2021 20:28

I was worried about this too. Are there any changes that could be done to increase your sleep ie ironically cosleeping? I was pleasantly surprised I think us parents can and do rise to the occasion. Can you take multivitamins to try to address other areas in life you do have control over

Treehaus · 04/07/2021 20:30

I think it does depend on the job a bit, but you'll get used to it! I was fortunate enough to go back to an office job which was walking distance from home so I could get by quite happily on little sleep with some caffeine.

squiglet111 · 04/07/2021 20:32

I returned to work when lo was 9 months and breast fed. As I wasn't there in the day to feed her she basically wanted feeding all through the night! For a while she was up every hour. I am a secondary teacher and still managed to cope ok. The sleepless nights don't last forever, its just getting through it!

NuffSaidSam · 04/07/2021 20:33

How old is your baby? It's not for everyone, but you could try some sleep training. Sleep is important.

GoldenOmber · 04/07/2021 20:36

It is hard but doable. I used to drink huge amounts of coffee and still fall asleep on the train home.

You need to be sharing the wakeups with your partner if both of you are working though! If you don’t want to end up arguing about who’s more tired in the middle of the night break it into shorts beforehand, and then you’ll always know whose turn it is.

Original poster
endofjune · 04/07/2021 20:38

Seven months. I’m not sure sleep training would be effective. I can’t hand on heart say he’s a bad sleeper. He goes to bed, but the problem is getting him back in his cot once he’s woken up. He would sleep fine on me but obviously that’s not ideal for my sleep!

OP posts:
PolypGrunterPulpit · 04/07/2021 20:38

I was a zombie until DS started sleeping through at 18 months. Went back to work when he was 13 months. Won't lie, it was a grim few months. But it does get better!

GoldenOmber · 04/07/2021 20:39

break it into SHIFTS I mean, not shorts! Although if a big pair of Bermudas gets you through sleep deprivation then crack on with that too.

NuffSaidSam · 04/07/2021 20:41

Sleep training could absolutely be effective at that age, particularly if the biggest problem is just re-settling during the night. But it's not for everyone. You can always think about it down the line when you've seen how the sleep/work situation is going.

Toomuch2019 · 04/07/2021 20:42

My DC2 slept horrifically compared to DC1 and didn't start going through until I'd been back to work 9 months. What I hadn't realised was how emotional and likely to get upset at small issues the sleep depravation made me.

If you have a supportive manager may be worth flagging in case you are similar (dependent on how much it affects you)

Original poster
endofjune · 04/07/2021 20:43

I can look into it but I don’t know. Especially as he’s teething so seems a bit unkind to deprive him of comfort.

OP posts:
AliMonkey · 04/07/2021 20:46

To be honest, it was pretty hard - the only thing that made it doable for me for a while was that I only work 3dpw (thought that's not to say the other days were easy being at home with a baby and toddler!) and that my first couple of months back at work were at a relatively quiet time workwise. However, once I'd been back three months and was in the middle of a really stressful period, I couldn't cope. DS was breastfeeding before I went to bed (so maybe 11pm, then again around 2am and 4.30 before waking up properly around 6.30 but that was definitely comfort feeding not hunger). So we sleep-trained in as much as one weekend we agreed that when DS woke in the night, DH would go in and I would stay away. We had two nights of hell (DH spent half the night trying to comfort DS and I put my head under the covers and tried to ignore the crying) and after that DS slept through - occasionally woke in night but only ever wanted a feed if he was ill - and with me then able to sleep 6 solid hours each night, everything was fine. I know not everyone is comfortable with such things but I'm glad we did it.

NuffSaidSam · 04/07/2021 20:49

You've got to do what you're comfortable with. It's just an option that exists (and works) for those who want it.

BackforGood · 04/07/2021 20:50

It's hard.
I don't do well without enough sleep, BUT, you survive.
You work out, with your partner, how each of you can get enough sleep across the week.
That might be going to sleep yourself by 8.30 /9pm. It might be alternate nights where one of you has the full night's sleep and the other does the waking then swap for the next night. It might be a good 4 hours lie in at the weekend.
Or going off for a sleep in the afternoons at the weekend.

Everyone does it differently. It might depend on what sort of work each of you do. Losing concentrations for a few minutes when you are doing a bit of shelf stacking or floristry is different from losing concentration when you are driving (be that for work or on your commute).

Muststopeating · 04/07/2021 20:50

I don't have good advice for you. But you have my full sympathy! It was actually me going back to work that got DC2 to start sleeping. I had been avoiding sleep training cos he was great at self settling to go down so I didn't think it would work. I had to travel for a few days when I first started back and DH (who is a wonderful wonderful father) decided to let him cry a bit when he woke up. By the time I got through he was sleeping through the night most nights (still some hiccups but infinitely better).

The only other thing I can say is I think the worst place you can be when you are sleep deprived is the sofa. The second you sit down you just want to crawl up and sleep. (Doesn't stop me sitting at every opportunity).

I find the thought of 'how the hell am I getting through today' (or tomorrow when you are in the middle of it) is often far worse than the reality. Once you get going it is normally fine.

If you scheudle meetings though, categorically avoid them in the hour or so after lunch. Especially if you won't be talking much. Always the hardest time of the day.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 04/07/2021 20:57

My eldest slept very very badly til she was 4 (and is still difficult at 9). I went back to work when she was 11 months and was still awake for most of the night. Never slept more than 2 hours in a row until she was 4 and even after that she still slept badly. Going back to work saved my sanity. I was having a massive breakdown, close to doing something stupid, surviving on 2-3 hours sleep often. But being back in the bustle of the office, people making me tea, concentrating on a job that I enjoy and is important, thinking about anything other than nap times and feeds, frankly. Also having a great nursery and my DP having to step up more. It all saved me. I know it sounds dramatic but I credit going back to work as being the turning point when I could suddenly cope.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 04/07/2021 20:59

I have to say though that I would probably not be saying the above if I was wfh. Being out of the house without DD was helpful. Wfh probably would be worse.

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