What is success?

[AnxiousByDesign]

Hi peeps,

Just wondering if anyone would be willing to share some thoughts on 'success'?

What is success, to you? How do you measure it in yourself and in others?

Some context:

I am in a kind of transition phase at the moment - following a period of personal challenge and grief, I have decided to follow a dream. I have resigned from my reasonably well paid and secure middle management job to go back to university in September and (hopefully) pursue a new career. I am in my thirties, married with children. I am financially secure.

I am wrestling with conflicting feelings of optimism and paralysing self doubt, and find myself thinking a lot about what it means to be successful and what will happen if I 'fail' at this.

Curious to know how others think about success and whether there is a difference in how you think about your own success versus other peoples...

I am what people would generally describe as “successful” I suppose though have had a traumatic last year involving grief and injury which taught me a thing or two about life and happiness.

I previously thought success meant achieving and earning money. Success to me now is wanting what you have, having enough money to not struggle, having a loving family, having friends you can count on, doing a job that you like and having enough free time to spend with loved ones or doing hobbies

I don't really think about wether I am successful or not until some mentions it.

To be you don't know if you are successful til the end of a journey. My private and work life aren't at the end.

But to other people I have success. I have a well paid, flexible level job. My kids are at an age where flexibility means I can be working at home with them in the house, but don't need supervision. So, I can make full use of it.

I cab spend time with my partner when he is off. Rather than waiting for us to have the same days off.

I now have shares in my employers company and from This year, my income goes up a a big amount.

But my job isn't exciting or life changing. I like it. I like my colleagues and when I look at it all and how it all fits together, it is success.

But I won't ever change the world. But its still success.

I've been through this questioning you describe over possibly the last decade of my life as I've pursued 'not normal' paths in life. I'm now at a happy stage of having let go of what society approves as success (income, career, prominent or valuable role in society). It's been a long process for me because even though I sometimes feel different to others (introvert, odd ideas) I'm not that different really and the pull of doing a thing approved of by others is still really strong. Some days I still get the feeling of having failed but those days are fewer and periods between them longer. I now try and rate success by an inner measure. How close does my life match what's important to me, my values etc. How often do I get the feeling of doing just the right thing for me. How is my marriage and home life. These measures are of far greater importance to me than getting a nice smile of approval or recognition from strangers at a dinner party.

Success would be coming to the end of your life and feeling you've realised as many dreams as you have been able to.

@FindingMeno

Success would be coming to the end of your life and feeling you've realised as many dreams as you have been able to.

Definitely this.

Having a family has considerably shrunk my definition.

My children enjoying health, contentment and fulfilling their potential will give me a huge feeling of success.

Being happily married after 30 years counts as huge success also.

Material things less so, but of course I appreciate the complete irony of saying that whilst being fortunate to be financially secure.

Lots of choices and opportunities arise from financial success, not all, but a lot.

Thank you all for your replies.

@AllWashedOut What you say about the pull of others approval is, I think, the thing I'm hung up on. I am stuck firmly in the trap of comparison which is definitely contributing to my wavering self confidence.

I watched this TEDx talk this week about 'Resume v Eulogy Virtues' which I found interesting. I should say that I am an atheist but feel the principles are worthy of thinking about regardless of faith.

https://www.ted.com/talks/davidbrookssshouldyouuliveforryourresumeeoryourr_eulogy/up-next

For me it's a combination of contentment and reaching goals.

Materialistic things, job roles, educational achievements etc. are much less important to me than they used to be and I no longer use these as a measure of success.

For now, it is ensuring my family are happy and thriving.

If you and your family are truly happy I think you are succeeding at life.

Success for me is being happy & content & no worries. I have lots of good memories to look back on so far.

I have lived the life that I wanted to, with no compromises

I've followed my dreams so far & I have some more plans for the future

I am fortunate to have so far; my health, family & friends, job, savings, hobbies, strong, independent, positive out look

Success will mean different things to other people

Of course my life has had its up & downs, but I've made it through the bad times