I have ended my marriage

[RainbowRaine]

Now what the fuck do I do?

After 20 years, I can't do it any longer, I can't listen the bullshit anymore, the lies, the deceptiveness.
I deserve better

The OW is alcohol

I feel like no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I was never good enough.

I don't love him anymore, I don't feel anything.

I just feel exhausted

If he changes, and shows sustainable change, you can choose to come back.

How old are the DC?

DC are all teens, I never ended up moving out, he told me to keep the house, so he is staying elsewhere, still begging for another chance everyday, more than once and crying saying he can't loose me. the word sorry seems to be spoken every time we talk and all he is doing is annoying me more and more.

.

Have you changed the locks? And you don’t have to speak to him, just don’t answer the phone. Or when you do, ask him what he is doing to get sober.

MinesAPintOfTea
He is currently 8 days sober

Good for him. You still don’t have to forgive him, and you can ask what steps he is taking to make that a lasting change for your children’s safety

You still don’t have to forgive him

There is far to much hurt, I'm not I could ever fully forgive but I do need to try and let go of some of it, only for my sake, so I can move on.

It's a bit soon to expect yourself to let go of the hurt! Concentrate on the divorce, disentangling yourself from this man. Then, later, get therapy and let it all out.

Don't believe anything he says. Look at it this way, if you truly are his whole world, post-divorce he'll stick around, continue to avoid alcohol, be the man you need. But it isn't going to happen.

Focus on yourself, and the children if they want that.

He won't sign any papers, can't let me go, needs to win me back now he is sober.

Fottfsofawygtfosm

You don’t need him to sign papers for you to move out.

Depending on his behaviour, you can ask the courts to give you an occupation order, also not requiring him to agree to anything.

He can win you back by respecting your boundaries and need for space to heal. Then you can decide what you want. And for him to fuck off is one of the valid options.

My dh is an alcoholic been married 10 year soon and together 13 years. I'm 31 and fed up. But again it's down to having a family thinking it's better for them. Good for you it must be so hard

Christmasfairy2020

It's honestly not better for them, when your teens text you, to warn you that dad is drunk, you know then how much they actually do notice.

@Christmasfairy2020 how are you doing?