How did you explain sex to your child?

[PatSharpsMullet]

I'm just looking for a bit of guidance with appropriate explanations for my 6YO son.

He has asked questions in the past about where babies come from and about the difference between girls and boys bodies which I've done my best to answer in a matter of fact way using proper terms and also have a children's book we look at together. He understands that a mans sperm joins with a woman's egg and the baby grows in the mother's uterus till it's ready to be born.

His aunt has recently become pregnant and he has been asking more questions lately so I want to be prepared for the inevitable questions about how the sperm gets from the dads testicles into the mothers body. I have no idea how to word it for a 6 year old though.

I don't want to mess it up because if I'm not prepared I will probably flounder and stutter. I never ever discussed anything with my parents, including periods and I don't want him to end up embarrassed to ask me questions or talk to me so some help with phrasing would be very helpful if anyone has any advice please

Get a book and not that God awful mummy laid an Egg ! We had an Usborne one,really clear and matter of fact.

Don't have sex. If you have sex you will get pregnant, and die!

Kay's Anatomy does it quite well. Has he ever seen animals mating, either in real life or on the TV, because that would make a reasonable starting point. To be honest though, I let my husband do it - he was very matter of fact and honest and he's completely unembarrassable!

I had this recently when my DD (7) asked exactly how the sperm gets into the mummy’s womb. I just said it- didn’t have time to really think- that it’s a sort of very special cuddle and the daddy’s penis goes into the mummy’s vagina and that’s how the sperm gets to the egg.

She then asked interesting follow-up questions on whether it can happen by accident and whether the mummy can do it if the daddy doesn’t want to and does it always make a baby etc. So we had a basic but open chat about it being something both the mummy and daddy really want to do/consent/infertility. It was great!

We had done the basics via that book “Where Willy Went” (even though I had to steel myself to use the name Willy in that context!).

Thanks all, we do have a book that we look together occasionally. It's pretty good in that it has all the correct terms for male and female body parts and it explains that a woman's ovaries release eggs and male bodies make sperm. Also that babies are made when a mans sperm joins a woman egg. It explains that baby grows inside the uterus until the uterus begins to squeeze and baby comes out through mum's stretchy vagina. It's quite descriptive and has been really useful to help me keep things matter of fact.
It's just the act of intercourse isn't explained so was unsure of the best way to do it.

He hasn't seen any animals humping and his dad is really unhelpful. When I asked his advise he said something like "he's too young just tell him he'll learn about it at school and he'll ask his teacher". Also last time he overheard DS asking questions I could hear him laughing in another room and saying to me laughingly "yes where do babies come from?"

I started a thread on this the other week, might come up in a search.
What's the book you've got, op?

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Don't have sex. If you have sex you will get pregnant, and die!

@RedLemon

I had this recently when my DD (7) asked exactly how the sperm gets into the mummy’s womb. I just said it- didn’t have time to really think- that it’s a sort of very special cuddle and the daddy’s penis goes into the mummy’s vagina and that’s how the sperm gets to the egg.

She then asked interesting follow-up questions on whether it can happen by accident and whether the mummy can do it if the daddy doesn’t want to and does it always make a baby etc. So we had a basic but open chat about it being something both the mummy and daddy really want to do/consent/infertility. It was great!

We had done the basics via that book “Where Willy Went” (even though I had to steel myself to use the name Willy in that context!).

This is what I was thinking about saying, but wasn't sure whether is was appropriate...it's probably just a case of getting over my own squeamishness . I was also going to make sure to tell him it is something only grown ups do and only when both grown ups want to. I'm just terrible at wording things, I really need a script 😅 I will look at 'where Willy went' thank you.

@Orangeinmybluelightcup

I started a thread on this the other week, might come up in a search. What's the book you've got, op?

Ah thank you I will search for that, did you find it helpful?

The book is called 'amazing you' it is really good, and descriptive for both male and female bodies!

@RedLemon

I had this recently when my DD (7) asked exactly how the sperm gets into the mummy’s womb. I just said it- didn’t have time to really think- that it’s a sort of very special cuddle and the daddy’s penis goes into the mummy’s vagina and that’s how the sperm gets to the egg.

She then asked interesting follow-up questions on whether it can happen by accident and whether the mummy can do it if the daddy doesn’t want to and does it always make a baby etc. So we had a basic but open chat about it being something both the mummy and daddy really want to do/consent/infertility. It was great!

We had done the basics via that book “Where Willy Went” (even though I had to steel myself to use the name Willy in that context!).

This is what I did when my son asked at age 4! He was absolutely adamant that he wanted to know exactly how a babies are made and no amount of "age appropriate" explanations were good enough so I just bit the bullet and said pretty much the same as you.

OP, it's so much easier at that age than when they are older and it's all bit more awkward so go for it if he's asking.

We've never had to have a big conversation but I have had to remind them of how it all works at various points in their lives (teenagers now) when they've asked but I'm glad it never became a big deal.

We've got an American book called "It's not the Stork" which is really great and my curious 8 year old read it on her own last year at some point. It's been in her room and I thought I'd let her just familiarise herself with it. She's not asked me any more questions about it though (probably because most of them have been answered by the book) and I do want to open a dialogue with her about it so that she knows she can come to me and talk. So I will probably just ask her soon if she's read the whole book and if we can re- read it together and I'll just chat with her about it. I think I'm going to have to approach it as matter of fact as possible at this stage, like a science lesson, and let the book set the tone as I know its age appropriate to her. There's not much point in getting into the emotional side of it at this stage, I feel its something that has to be revisited a few times.
The whole nudity/technology/online/consent stuff needs saying earlier than I would have thought though, as I've heard a lot about kids in the playground at primary school with phones looking at porn
Then again once the hormones start to rear up, maybe age 11 or 12. At that point they'll have had a lot of it taught at school so it will just be about the emotional side of things.

That's really reassuring @idril I definitely prefer the idea of answering questions honestly as they come up so it doesn't become a big deal or one big conversation.
I prefer to just chat about it naturally whenever he has questions. That's why I bit the bullet and fought past the embarrassment when he was younger and made an effort to stick to factual language whenever he asked questions (the book def helped with that) so I probably just need to bite the bullet again and once I find the right wording (will probably just copy along the lines of @RedLemon ) the embarrassment will hopefully fade and will feel much more natural for me to talk about!

I just said the penis goes into the vagina. He say very worriedly: "ooohhh mummy, doesn't that hurt" 😁

Ahh bless him @Golden2021

Thank you everyone I definitely feel a lot more confident about keeping it simple and factual.
And I agree it's definitely something that needs to be revisited over time (as opposed to just one big talk) with updated/more detailed information added.

The stuff about children viewing porn on mobiles in playgrounds is awful and so upsetting. It makes me want to homeschool DS and keep him away from the internet .

I know, bless him. "It's not that big, son!"

Yes I think it needs adding to over time. I sort of touched on sex being enjoyable, loving etc and people don't always want a baby, but it was a bit much. He's nearly ten though. You do have to tell them as they will hear things. Yesterday he asked me what a pussy was as he'd heard it in the playground at his teeny village school. I definitely want to hammer home that porn isn't real or normal sex.

Masturbation is another one!!

I just answer what they ask.
Where babies from?
Mother’s womb.
Several months later...
How get there?
Men & women cuddle naked and the man’s seed moves into the woman.
Several months later....
How exactly does it get there etc
I’ve also emphasised consent and that sex is illegal below a certain age. Primary-aged DD was relieved to hear that.

He also has the 'underpants rule' book which we read together sometimes too which teaches the idea of bodily privacy so hopefully when discussions around consent comes up that could be a starting point...although of course the book is around teaching children it's ok to say no but hopefully I can expand on that into consent for grown ups at some point...or does that not sound right? Now I've written it I don't know