Does anyone else feel this way

[FlorencenotRatchet]

So I turned 50 last year. In a job that will see me through to retirement. Not cash rich but comfortable in the sense that all the bills are paid and can put some savings aside and do things throughout the month without worry. Grown up DC. Nothing to complain about right?
It feels like one part of my life is over and I'm not really sure what to do now. I'd been interested to hear how you coping with this new chapter in your life. No DP so pretty free to do as I please.

Are you happy in your job op? I only ask because you potentially have another 15 years left of your working life. Is there something you have always wanted to do? Could you consider retraining or a career change?
50 is not old in the slightest - on my recent uni course there were actually more older people than younger people.
Other than that, are there any hobbies or interests that you have always wanted to try?

@PoptartPoptart
I do like my job. I actually retrained for it in my 40's and was a mature uni student. Plenty of room to advance or switch roles if I want.
I know 50 is not old and feel much younger. Hobbies is definitely a good call. Just need to find something to hold my interest.
Would love to take off and do some travelling but unfortunately money and the current climate have put a stop to that.

Buy a dog? I am not kidding! My fitness has improved through dog walking and I have met so many new people on dog walks and dog related activities! It helps if your dog is well trained and friendly.

I'm in my mid fifties and still have teens at home and I am hoping to launch a new mini business in the next year to eighteen months but I tend to look at life with myself at the hub of a bicycle wheel , with spokes emerging from that, such as DH, family, extended family, housework, meal planning & cooking, animals, job, health and exercise, volunteering, cultural interests, weekend trips and holidays and trips. I try and keep a balance between all of those things but obviously when the teens leave home some things will take more of a back seat and I will have more time for others. It is a case of packing it all in as much as possible!

Out of all those spokes, DH and DC aside, I guess my animals, the creative things (painting and sewing) and the volunteering (second hand clothing charity) are the things that give me most pleasure and satisfaction.

@Tealeavesandscones
Unfortunately a dog is out of the question, small flat and working full time.
I think your attitude of packing in as much as possible is the way to go.
Unfortunately COVID put a stop to a lot of things over the last year. But on the other hand lots to make up for.

I feel a bit like you Florence. I’m older than you and widowed with dc living at home. Two of them are about to move out and I feel a bit like my purpose in life is coming to a close. This is ridiculous since I still have another two at home, one of whom is only 16, but it’s the way I feel!

I’m trying to appreciate that, in theory, I have so much freedom in my life with no real money worries, a job I like, dc who are nearly adult. In practice, I feel almost lonely - lots of lovely friends but they are all at very different stages to me. They have dp’s, or full time jobs, or younger dc, or extended family (I have none) etc. And, as you say, the pandemic has limited life.

I don’t feel old and I want to make the most of life - but I don’t know how to really! I’d like to travel as well but don’t know where and I don’t want to go on my own!

I keep saying things to my dc like I’d like to live abroad, and they keep saying “well do it then”. But I’m not brave enough and I worry about the practicalities, and although my friends here are busy, at least I have friends here!

I feel a bit the same. I could retire next year but not sure what I'd do with all that time on my hands. I also have quite a bit of money, with a lump sum to come with my pension and want to spend as much as I can so it doesn't get swallowed up in nursing home fees, should that happen.

My problem is that I find it difficult to spend money. My mother saved everything and had 80K in her account when she died so got no benefit from it. Other than holidays, I can't think what to spend it on.

@Americam
That really resonates with me. I think we follow a structure in life which can be quite boring. I remember as a teenager thinking that anything was possible and didn't have the barriers of life stopping me doing things. I think we just need to do rather than think. Start with small things and then it would be so daunting.
I'm quite happy to holiday on my own - dreaming of a Greek Island..hopefully next year

@RaraRachael
That would be a worry of mine as well. Unfortunately that's way off for me. I completely agree re the mone, although I would have no problem spending it :)

I think I would probably in your shoes op.
I had a late comer to the party, a very unexpected baby at 43 so at 51 (almost) I’ve still got a junior school child as well as an adult child.
So I’m busy and very occupied bringing him up.

But if I didn’t have him our lives would be planning one holiday after the other after the other. We would be travelling ALOT.
Probably have a holiday home somewhere
gorgeous.
Life’s what you make pf it, with about 20 more healthy years of life, I intend on living it to h the e full.

I don't know how to say this without it coming across as horrible preachy which is not my intention, and everyone needs to find their own individual purpose in life, but an RE teacher said to us at school that if you don't know what to do for yourself, then do it for others ... and volunteering in an area you enjoy/ are skilled in, can be surprisingly fulfilling. Plus if you are focusing on others, you are not so bothered about yourself and one's "purpose".

It's a cliché but loads of people I know enjoy growing things because it is satisfying and you always have the next growing season to look forward to. And obviously you get fresh air and exercise doing it. Are there any allotments near you op?

@FlorencenotRatchet when you holiday alone do you stay in hotels or hostels or all inclusive? I really need to do this and stop waiting until I grow up!

@Tealeavesandscones you don’t sound preachy! You’re right and I do actually volunteer and get a huge amount from it. I work part time, and put in nearly as many hours volunteering as I do work!

@Americam
When I was younger hostels but now like my home comforts too much so stay in hotels.
I'd recommend starting with a night just to see how you go. I used to go to champneys a fair bit. There's always plenty of solo people there.
Best thing to remember is you're the only one worrying you're alone. Other people really don't care. Once you've done the first one it will be easy

@Tealeavesandscones
Not preachy at all. I used to do quite a bit of volunteering but my job keeps me busy and need my down time.
Unfortunately I'm not green fingered and tend to kill anything I try to grow

@imaginethemdragons
Such a good attitude to have and
A holiday home sounds like heaven

Really investing in my relationships with old friends and taking opportunities to make new ones. Taking up every opportunity that comes my say such as invitations to things I'd typically pass on (bands I've not heard of, different types of holiday) obviously this has stalled a bit during covid, but I've a few plans again now. Basically I'm using the time to pack in as many experiences as I can, both tried and tested and brand new, while I'm still blessed with the health and fitness to do so.

@5128gap
This is definitely a good attitude to have. I think we tend to stick with things that are comfortable. I'm going to start trying to do things out of my comfort zone and see where it takes me

I’m almost the same age and in a very similar situation to you. So I get how you’re feeling because I feel the same. I also do a lot of solo travel in normal times so I’ve felt a bit lost not having that to do. I ended up pouring all my efforts into my house, which hasn’t necessarily been a bad thing but I find myself thinking that I’m kind of already preparing for old age! Like I bought a piece of furniture and thought ok I won’t need to replace that again in my lifetime!

I’ve realised I do need to get out more and do things whenever things are properly normal again. I enjoy being at home but I have fallen into a bit of a rut. In my late 40’s (a couple of years prior to covid) I went to Japan for 3 months, took Japanese classes there so made friends there. Plus I rented a room in a shared house (shared houses are common over there) so got to know people there too. It was an amazing experience and I’d definitely do something like that again. You get to live a different life for a while.

@Meruem
Wow Living in Japan sounds amazing but not sure I'd be brave enough to do that. I was supposed to go last year for a holiday but COVID put a stop to that.

I was starting to feel a bit like that and then I became a grandparent