Workplace collections

[Breathebreatherepeat]

I am part of a small team. I work in a different office a short distance away (the others all mainly work in the same office) but we are all part of the same team. I do my best to be part of the team. I pop in at lunch etc and have lunch with them. I do always feel a bit of an outsider because there are obviously lots of conversations and sharing of information going on that I am not a part of. I am becoming more and more conscious of the number of collections that I am being asked to contribute to, there have been two in just the last few weeks. It might be a birthday or most recently it was because it was felt that a particular member of the team was having a hard time and needed cheering up. I just feel I am always giving and yet my birthday was ignored and when I was very unwell last year and was off work for a number of weeks, I didn’t receive so much as a card.

Obviously what people do is up to them and nobody is obligated to think of me but it just feels horrible. I want to say that I don’t want to be included in any requests for money in future but I’m worried it makes me look petty and mean. Should I just suck it up for the sake of goodwill?

Isn't it just easier to ignore the requests for "donations" if they come in by email?

If they ask you face to face to contribute, just say no, as nobody contributes for you, so why should you bother . I wouldn't worry about them, they aren't anymore than people you have to be around when working.

Yes you’re right. I suppose I’ve always just gone along with it in an effort to be part of the team. My birthday being ignored and nobody thinking of me when I was ill just really brought home to me that it is one way traffic.

Was your birthday in lockdown? We always get something where I work but unfortunately my birthday was in lockdown so I got nothing but I didn’t exactly mention it prior as all wfh at the time.
That’s rubbish about you didn’t even get a card when you was off for a while though .
Like others say I’d just avoid collections from now on .

No my birthday wasn’t in lockdown. The birthday was bad enough but what I’ve found really difficult are the collections for team members that it’s decided are having a ‘tough time’. ‘Oh we must buy something for Pam she’s so amazing and she’s having such a difficult time.’ I would have really appreciated a card or some sign I was being thought of when I was unwell but I got nothing! It almost feels exploitative - I’m part of the team when they want money but I seem to be invisible the rest of the time!