Am I wrong to feel weird about what my friend did?

[tartanpyjamas12]

I’ve worked with my friend for a year. We text a lot and meet up outside of work. I felt we were fairly close.

Recently I’ve decided to take on extra training at work and put extra hours in with the aim of a promotion to a certain department perhaps in the future. I told her about it in passing at the beginning of this week and she said she didn’t feel it was a path she would take personally for various reasons.
So then yesterday we are waiting for a meeting to start and she is in the same corridor having a loud conversation with a manager and the manager is saying ‘oh yes we would love to have you in our department’ and I’m getting wind of the fact that my friend has decided to do the same as me. She was telling the manager that she has also found an out of work training course for it that she has begun.
She is doing the exact same as me. And not said a word to me about it. And told me a few days ago that she wouldn’t want to do it for several reasons.
If she had said to me ‘oh yeah I might do that too’ etc I’d have said oh great, we can pursue that Avenue together then. But I feel weird that she poo-pood it only a few days ago but has now begun training and organised the same thing I have without saying a word to me.

AIBU? I know this isn’t AIBU btw I’m just scared of posting in there- it can be vicious!

She’s a cow!
She doesn’t you to be better than her so she’s so jealous that she’s copying you.
She is not your friend and I would consider looking for another job ASAP.

That’s not a friend

I would feel a bit weird about that, too. If she had already thought about it, maybe she didn't want to appear to you as if she was copying your idea, but you'd be bound to find out. So that's weird. Maybe she went away after your chat and thought, actually that's not a bad idea after all. But the chat in the corridor that you overheard, that's where it all gets nasty. The only reason for that is to get in there first before you do.

She is not your friend.

Of course you're not wrong. Do you think she saw you when she was talking to the manager? Perhaps she feels awkward about telling you. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and all that. While it might be good to have company as you go through training just make sure you have the edge and get promoted first. Ask her about it and see what she says.

Did you speak to her about it?

She really isn't your friend. I wouldn't tell her anything I was doing from now on and I certainly wouldn't help her if she was struggling with something.

I didn’t have much chance to speak to her about it because she was off somewhere after I saw her but I did say ‘oh so are you doing the training and overtime?’ And she sort of coyly said ‘yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for ages’. And I said but only the other day you said it wasn’t for you! And she said ‘yeah I literally just decided yesterday.’ I had a horrible feeling inside like she had betrayed me. I can’t shake it and it feels shit.

Life's too short for shit "friends", cast her a side

I’ve a good mind to text her and tell her how I feel but a) it will probably just get unpleasant and b) I still have to work with her.
I certainly won’t be going out of my way to be matey anymore and there won’t be anymore out of work meetups.

She is definitely shady. If she wasn't she would have told you.

Have to you spoken to the manager yet?

It sounds like she thought it was a good idea and decided to 'network' to give her step above you

Does she copy other stuff you do too? Style, ideas? If she's not directly competing with you or disadvantaging you maybe it's not so bad, but I understand why you find it weird.

When I was 17 I volunteered in a charity shop on a Saturday. My fellow volunteer was a guy who was maybe 10 years older than me - he was nice, seemed lonely and keen to be friendly, didn't get any sexual or weird vibes off him. I smoked like a chimney and he was a non-smoker. A few weeks in, I turned up and he had taken up smoking the same brand as me (Marlboro, so not really for beginners...) I didn't go back after that!

Definitely not a friend. Actually she's a back stabbing b who has probably been pulling this sort of crap for the last year.

Certainly don’t tell her anything else you are doing to better your prospects.

Sly and sneaky. She also knows she’s being dodgy or she would have mentioned. It tickles me when people shoot down ideas and say they don’t want to do them, in reality they’re scared and / or know they couldn’t hack it

No I haven’t spoken to the manager. I just feel so down about it all. It’s not a great place to work generally, but I thought maybe this route might make it better. Now I’ve been effectively ‘gazumped’ by someone I thought was a friend.

She hasn’t copied anything else, no. But she did use to be super friendly and keen to chat and that’s dropped off a bit lately.

She will do this with men, school places, houses or any other thing she takes a fancy to.
If she was genuine she wouldn't have tried to put you off and would have mentioned it.
At best she's competition.
Ruthless one too.

A friend did this to me once. I applied for a university course when I was early 20s something I'd always wanted to do but hadn't had the opportunity to go to uni at 18. She had already been to uni and had graduated and was starting her career in a completely different field. 2 weeks later she announced she'd been accepted to the course too. I changed course and avoided her for 3 years. I was mega pissed off but what can you do.

She sounds like a competitive sort. If you're going to end up working in the same field as her I would keep her friendly, be as genuine as possible but don't tell her any of your key plans career wise, and possibly any other areas of your life! Then play her at her own game, suck up to the managers and bypass her May seem two faced but this is what I've learned about "friends" at work- few are genuine but most are very much "friends" in inverted commas, especially those who are same age and level career wise, as you are the competition to them.

@tartanpyjamas12

No I haven’t spoken to the manager. I just feel so down about it all. It’s not a great place to work generally, but I thought maybe this route might make it better. Now I’ve been effectively ‘gazumped’ by someone I thought was a friend.

She hasn’t copied anything else, no. But she did use to be super friendly and keen to chat and that’s dropped off a bit lately.

The problem you have, is that she got there first so the manager will think you copied your 'friend'.

And that's why she was speaking to them to get in their first. Look like it was her initiative.

That's weird.

OP, why do you see this as a betrayal? Genuine question. You are doing something to improve yourself and your prospects. There will be other people doing the same training, not just your friend. If you interview for a promotion you will be talking about yourself, your knowledge, your experience, not anyone else. She is not stealing anything from you and you will just waste time and energy feeling bitter about it. See it as a compliment - you inspired her to go ahead and better herself. Maybe you can work together instead of against each other, boost each other along?

Well at least you now know what sort of person she is, so make sure you don't give her any more ammunition.

Had she maybe already decided to go down the same route but didn't want to say?

Or perhaps you inspired her? Sometimes people don't think things are possible. A colleague once asked for a pay rise (different dept to me) & got it. That made me evaluate my responsibilities & look at other jobs & then I realised I should be paid more so asked for a raise.

I approached the managers first last week and started on it all before today. It just makes me feel off that she didn’t say anything to me and then did the same thing- so she is now my competition.