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Original poster

Is my mum right about this?

60 replies

Pelican63279 · 02/07/2021 08:22

My 12mo has a bad cold and we have been staying at home the last week or so as a result. I was saying to my mum how hard I'm finding being stuck at home and only going for a walk everyday, but she's really sick and will be very contagious so we can't go to soft play, baby class etc.

My mum said in her opinion 12mo is too young to be attending classes anyway. She says I didn't do any classes till I was 3 started a playgroup. My 12 mo has been doing classes since things opened up a couple of months ago. Mum says it's obvious DD caught her cold while attending these groups, which is obvious to me but seems pretty unavoidable.

Notwithstanding the fact I'll have to go back to work soon, even for SAHP do you think it's reasonable to go to baby groups and classes at 12 mo?

OP posts:

midsummerflowers · 02/07/2021 09:25

My baby enjoys them so that’s a benefit I would say.

Mischance · 02/07/2021 09:28

I’d say it’s not just reasonable, it’s vital

It's not vital!

Youdiditanyway · 02/07/2021 09:30

My Mum went back to work when I was about 6 weeks old because she was a hairdresser in her early 20s so needed the money. I was looked after either by family or playgroup when I was a toddler. So yeah, no baby groups for me at all but I’m pretty unscathed by this.

I didn’t take my older 3 DC to groups because I was studying at uni and working PT so they went to a CM. I’m in a position now to be a SAHM with my younger 2 so we go to groups when we can. Hard to get to groups right now in my area though, they’re often fully booked for weeks and none are drop in sessions like I’d take my 2 year old to pre-covid. I was fortunate enough to get a slot at a rhyme time session next week, I had to call them every week for about 4 weeks before I managed to get a slot. Total hassle.

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villamariavintrapp · 02/07/2021 09:36

I think groups are a bigger thing now, but in my mum's day most women were stay at home mums while their kids were tiny, so they had much bigger social circles and spent most of the week having coffee mornings/going round to other mum's houses who had kids of all ages. All of my mum friends work so unless our maternity leaves happen to overlap then they're only around at the weekends. So I take my babies to groups to socialise during the week.

HoppingPavlova · 02/07/2021 09:42

I’d say it’s not just reasonable, it’s vital

How are they vital? Seems like modern marketing spin preying on parents FOMO.

These never existed when I was young, yet myself and everyone in my generation don’t seem to have sensory, musical or movement deficits due to this. They didn’t exist when my eldest was born, but had started to come into play here by the time of my youngest. Can’t see any difference between those of my kids age and younger adults/teens due to people carting them around to these things as babies. The only activities I can recall, kids had to be 3yo to participate and was pretty limited to playgroup, kindy gym, kindy ballet. I don’t believe babies these days turn into any more of an astounding individual in life due to baby sensory or whatnot. They are pretty much just entrepreneurial opportunities for people that run it.

midsummerflowers · 02/07/2021 09:44

hopping when sure start was stopped everyone was outraged on here

Babdoc · 02/07/2021 09:46

I went back to work when DD was 4 months old, so she got plenty of social contact at the childminder, and I had adult company at work. Neither of us needed to attend classes. I agree with PPs that such things are really more for SAHMs to get some company. If you find them beneficial, OP, that’s all that matters - it’s your life, not your DM’s or other mothers’.

midsummerflowers · 02/07/2021 09:49

Sorry that posted sooner than I thought.

There was outrage when Sure Start closed. It was a lifeline for parents, it was good for babies and toddlers, it brought nothing but good. Apparently. Weirdly, when you pay for similar classes, it’s not necessary at all.

user1471538283 · 02/07/2021 09:50

My DS loved other children and any type of group so I took him from 6 months old. Your child is your child and you do as you see fit.

AgathaAllAlong · 02/07/2021 09:51

It's all fine, as long as you and baby are enjoying it. Take them to groups, they get to socialise and pick up colds - which might sound bad but actually is very good for their immune system to develop. Don't take them and do something else instead, also fine.

In the past maybe baby groups were less but from what I understand people had communities around them more. So you'd be more likely to have family or friends with little ones too.

yikesanotherbooboo · 02/07/2021 09:52

Go to classes if you want to of course but as pps have said they are there for you not for your baby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't go , they are venues to give you support in care for child and to give your week structure as well as somewhere to make friends in your locality.

DSGBT · 02/07/2021 09:53

I did a baby massage class when my first was 4 months. Honestly he slept through it and got nothing at all from it but I really enjoyed the socialising! So yes it is entirely reasonable to go if you enjoy it but it is also entirely reasonable to not go if it isn’t your thing! We also did baby sensory, was great with my first but awful with my twins, just too much hard work so the twins did nothing apart from 4 baby sensory classes.

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 02/07/2021 09:55

Well yeah, she probably did pick up her cold from a baby class, but that's a very silly reason to say you shouldn't go to them.

Totally disagree with your mum here, baby classes are great for you and your baby, right from the newborn stage, if you want to go to them.

BillyShears · 02/07/2021 09:57

My mum definitely took me to mother and baby groups, baby swimming and tumble tots from the age of around 9 months (I’ve seen photos!) so it was a thing in the mid eighties (or at least, it was in London) so those posters saying that they didn’t exist are mistaken.

As for whether you should be taking your child now here in 2021, yes, why not? Good for both her and you (colds aside). Ignore your mind sounds like she has a very old fashioned idea of what you do with a baby.

Hallyup6 · 02/07/2021 09:59

If that were true, there wouldn't be specific classes for babies younger than 12 months. She caught a cold, and yes, it's not nice, and perhaps she did catch it at a baby group, but it'll do wonders for her immune system. She's just as likely to pick it up from a trip to the shop. Absolutely keep taking her to classes. It'll do both of you good.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 02/07/2021 10:05

Baby groups are for the parents not the child. The reason they’re seen as good for the child is that they generally promote good parental interaction with the child which is what they need. Children don’t begin to benefit being with other children until around two years old. So yanbu to attend them, but they’re not essential to a child’s development.

TheOccupier · 02/07/2021 10:19

I think your mum is right in that under-3s don't NEED classes but that doesn't mean you're wrong to take DD to them! They certainly won't do her any harm (even the germ exposure is probably good for her immune system) and hopefully they are nice for you - baby classes are more for parents than babies. They get you out of the house, give the day some structure and are a good way to meet other parents of similar aged DC.

Original poster

Pelican63279 · 02/07/2021 11:31

Interesting views. The social side for me has been non-existent as Covid means you are not allowed to arrive early, you have to file in wearing masks, sit there doing the music / singing / story time and then file out again and everyone leaves. No coffee afterwards or anything. It's crap really! I've not met a single friend this past year. I had imagined meeting lots of other new mums. I am envious of my mum's experience of coffee mornings etc.

12mo doesn't socially distance, to the pp who suggested that! She crawls over to all the other babies and has a whale of a time!

OP posts:

HoppingPavlova · 02/07/2021 13:17

so it was a thing in the mid eighties (or at least, it was in London) so those posters saying that they didn’t exist are mistaken.

But they weren’t a thing everywhere in the 80’s or indeed 90’s, and weren’t a thing in the 70’s or prior for instance. I’d lay excellent money on the fact that if you met two 30 year olds where one went to baby classes and one didn’t you wouldn’t be able to tell which was which. Similarly, people these days who don’t take their kids - are you sure after meeting two 10yo’s you’d be able to tell which one was taken to every baby class out there and which was taken to none? Doubt it, as it makes no difference.

Twokitstwokats · 02/07/2021 13:20

Baby classes are for the parents. Go if you enjoy them. And they are also for picking up colds and building strong immune systems.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/07/2021 13:50

It’s nice - probably even more so for the mothers - but it’s certainly not vital. As a pp said, such groups simply weren’t available years ago.

Neither I nor any of my 3 siblings went to any sort of activity or playgroup - we were just at home with our DM until we started school. I was 5 1/2 by then, and dying to go.

But none of us has turned out weird or anti-social, nor did any of us have the slightest trouble settling in to school.

willyoumeetmeonclareisland · 02/07/2021 13:56

I agree with your mum. until she went to school my dd went to a toddler group which I helped run and swimming with me. . (not classes ).my prime reason for going was my sanity

Arsebucket · 02/07/2021 14:10

I took my older two to playgroups from about 1. But that was only because I wanted to try and make some friends for myself.

I’ve got a ten month old now and none of the church hall type playgroups are open. Shame because it’s a new area and I don’t know anyone. It wouldn’t be for her, again it would be for me.

I take her to a structured sing/sign/sensory group once a week but it’s dire and she gets nothing from it. I only signed up as I wanted to meet people but as it’s structured there’s no opportunity to chat to other parents. Sh

Arsebucket · 02/07/2021 14:11

My mother in law is constantly on at me to take the baby to groups as “she needs to socialise”. Drives me nuts.

Arsebucket · 02/07/2021 14:19

@Pelican63279

12mo doesn't socially distance, to the pp who suggested that! She crawls over to all the other babies and has a whale of a time!

That’s my experience. signed my 10 month old up for this term but won’t be going back next.

So different to when my other two were little and you could just chat in a church hall free for all full of toys! I’ve still got a couple of friends i met at those groups 18 years ago when ds was a baby.

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