Bereavement, exhaustion and motivation

[Groundtoahalt]

Posting for traffic as the bereavement boards seem v. quiet.

I lost my dad nearly 6 weeks ago after a lengthy downhill slide into sever frailty. Funeral was a fortnight ago.

I've been on sabbatical since last October helping to care for him and support my mum and am due back to work in early September, so 8 weeks time.

Since the funeral I feel exhausted all the time, and just cannot motivate myself at all. Eg today I woke up around 9, naffed about on my phone until midday, had a coffee and a panini before picking DD up from work and dropping her at the gym, then came home, had a nap on the sofa with the cat and am now here...I have jobs to do before going to visit my mum but its like there's a gravitational pull to the sofa.

I don't feel like I'm grieving the right way...sometimes I'm fine, sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't really think about what's happened...I didn't expect it to be completely linear but there's no pattern at all.

There's so much I want to get done in the house, which has been neglected for the last 18 months while I've been caring, and for myself before I go back to work as well as being there for DD (16) and supporting my mum, with whom I have a challenging relationship.

I just feel totally overwhelmed, unmotivated and hopeless.

Am already on ADs and have been been turned away from the local NHS counselling service who felt they wouldn't be able to deal with my issues. They suggested 'low cost' paid help, which isn't an option while I'm off work on benefits, and certainly wont be when I go back as I work f/t Mon - Fri with no flexibility or leave (secondary school).

I need to sort myself out but have no idea where to start.

Hi, does your employer have any kind of employee assistance programme? They usually offer counselling. Have you contact Cruse Bereavement Support? I'm sorry for your loss, be kind on yourself

They do actually...although I'm not 100% comfortable with accessing help via work if I'm honest.

May take a look at Cruse later.

I'm 8 months on from losing my husband and I still nap during the day at least 3 times a week. Grieving is utterly exhausting. Be gentle with yourself, let things go if they're not essential and definitely look into Cruse. Sorry about your lovely dad.

I lost DH two years ago, I'm still struggling. Motivation is better now than it was in the early days, but my concentration is variable and I often lose the thread when talking to people, which I never had before. Grief isn't linear, it can be very up and down, and everyone grieves differently so you may spend more time in one phase than others, and even return to that phase from time to time.

@Groundtoahalt so sorry for your loss.
After my mum died (17 months after my Dad) I felt like I had the flu for ages. I ached all over and just felt exhuasted for weeks. It does pass, it does get easier but it takes time.
Be kind to yourself. Cruse are excellent I really recommend bereavement counselling.

I felt like I had the flu for ages. I ached all over and just felt exhuasted for weeks.

Yep...I've taken 2 covid tests in the last week because I've felt so crap, even though I'm double vaccinated.

I haven't moved from the sofa since I posted...just been sitting playing a stupid game on my phone because I need to keep my mind occupied but I don't have the focus for anything else.

I'm staying over at my mum's tonight so will have to put it on one side and get going before she phones asking where I am.

I just want to hibernate really.