Advice needed - shouty, angry mum

[thelastgoldeneagle]

My ds (16) has a good friend he sees quite a lot, let's call him Bob. Bob's mum is very shouty - doesn't seem to like Bob going out, is sulky when he gets back in, shouts at him - calls him a cunt, says she wishes he's never been born, that kind of thing.

DS is reluctant to go round to Bob's house now, as he doesn't know what to do/how to react to the mum. WWYD?

Should I say something to her? We have got to know each other since our DSs have been mates.

DS really doesn't want me to - says his friend would be mortified. ut I hate the thought of Bob being bullied and his mum treating him like this. It's not acceptable.

Help - wwyd?

Yikes. I don't think bringing it up would necessarily help anything tbh. She doesn't sound like she's going to react very well. I would probably invite Bob round to yours more often instead of ds going to his and just have a warm and welcoming home for him to feel comfortable in. Hopefully he'll be able to move out soon.

Thank you. I do that already. He knows he's welcome here if he has a bad argument with his mum. But she's abusive. If she were a man, would people think her behaviour worse? Bob was in tears the other day, he was so upset.

I'd even call the social services and inform the school. Calling a child the c word is absolutely dreadful and actually is making me quite sad for Bob.

He is a lovely boy. I was wondering about calling SS - she screams at Bob so loudly, a neighbour could easily hear. But what would happen?

I would speak to the school. Like you say if she’s that loud anyone could report her. I’ve done similarly in an almost identical situation with a child the same age (parent shouting / not giving the child lunch money - we ended up giving dd extra lunch money to give to the child - college age - 16/17). If Bobs mum is awful chances are he will also need extra support with post 16 choices and the school can help with this.

I’m assuming he’s left school now, but he still comes under the school nurse until September.
But I think SS would be your best bet.

absolutely do not speak to the mother of Bob, however she presents to you, raising this subject with her could open a world of pain for Bob.
Absolutely do make it clear to Bob that he can come to you if he needs to, that he has a refuge if he ever needs one and treat him with respect (which of course I'm sure you do).
Speak to the school safegurading team in confidence but don't get personally involved it could make it worse.

Have you got room in your house for a sad, needy boy to come and stay? Have you got a spare bedroom. He's old enough to make his own decisions about where he lives, and it sounds as though shouty mum would be glad to get rid of him.

I grew up in this environment and it has had massive impact on me and my sibling, one in particular. Id have to do something- either talk to the mother if youre confident enough it won't make life worse on bob- it might wake her up? or social services, but please do something for him.
She's the cunt.

I, too, had an almost identical experience. DS's best friend.
Call safeguarding lead at school, who then in turn can contact social services.
We ended up having an informal fostering arrangement in place.
He's 21 now and is home with us for the summer (from a leading university).
Best thing we ever did.
So proud of him.

Wow, thanks all. I'm not sure I'm ready for Bob to come and live with us, but I do want to help.

It's great you have seen his problem - the unseen children are the ones who really go under. I would not let her be aware of your interest in this way, support him individually as much as you are able and use formal channels for escalating/intervention