What do 12 year olds do in the summer holidays?

[Frenziedfishes]

Dd has never been one for joining clubs or particularly sporty and doesn’t want to go to any holiday clubs.

Neither is she particularly interested in family days out unless it involves shopping

Last summer meeting you with a friend for a walk was a bit of a novelty but the shine has definitely gone off that now.

We’ve got a few days camping booked but that’s it really and I really don’t want her to spend most of the time staring at her phone or YouTube

I have one of those feral ones that MN hates

He spends all day riding round on his bike and kicking a football about with his mates, sometimes they go swimming in the local river, they occasionally go into town to subway/McDonalds/KFC or to the park.

Pre Covid they used to chip in together and hire the astroturf pitch at the local sports centre (they do school holiday deals where it's only £5 for an hour).

Ours had our own holidays, plus music tour, rugby/sailing/tennis/dance summer schools. They stayed with close friends (our best man and his wife) in South of France for a week.

They had trips to the beach, to museums and galleries. They went with us to wherever their father was working and did local activities- places like Ironbridge or the workshouse near Nottingham and Holocaust Education centre.

At home they maintained journals and did activities like baking, sewing, swimming, tennis music practice and art with friends.

Lemonroses-that sounds idyllic but I get the impression we have very different children (and incomes)

Some really good ideas though thank you. I’ll stock up the baking cupboard as she does like baking sometimes.
Try to tempt her with books. She does read but tends to reread the same things.
Possibly sewing.

I long for her to ride her bike etc. She does quite like walking once she’s out so hopefully we can do some of that.

I think I might turn off the internet for most of the day unless she’s done a few things in the days before.

Be a bit more directive. She sounds like DS1 :o

Present her with a list of clubs/camps and ask her to pick one or you will pick one for her. If she likes nothing on the list, ask her for an idea and you'll look for something along those lines, but with a deadline or you'll end up with no places.

Have certain family days out which are non negotiable. Again she can present ideas but doesn't get to moan about ideas that you pick.

She might need more practice at arranging meeting up with friends. I'd start by getting her to invite friends over. Then she may be invited back. Once they're comfortable doing that by themselves, you will probably see that it morphs into meeting so and so in town etc.

Does she like swimming, I remember now I often got the bus to the local swimming pool?

We don't turn off the Internet, but there is a daily limit that applies across devices (3 hours max) so he has to think about what he wants to use it for especially if friends can only play online at certain times etc. We can control the access to each device remotely so he has to ask to swap an hour from phone to computer or whatever.

Also there are household chores he is responsible for which can result in lost screen time if not done. If he's going out for the whole day he needs to check his chores first and make sure they are done before leaving.

I used to love having a friend over or even better going to a friends house. We used to do things like rearrange all our bedroom furniture (more fun than it sounds), make endless amounts of lemon curd on toast and then go out on our roller disco skates on a sugar high!

Bertie-I’ve been on here a long time under different names and she’s been similar to your DS since they were babies! Sorry if that sounds stalkerish!

She does like swimming. Hopefully the pools will be doing fun swims again by then

I have a 10 year old (and a toddler) and a long summer holiday (9 weeks). So far she's not been keen on doing much, only spent a couple of days hanging out with friends, and we've had one two day trip away. I fill up some of the time with 'summer school' (maths practice and English practice) and 'detective school' (we watch episodes of Poirot and try to work out who did it before he does). Phone is limited to 1.5 hours a day so she can't spend all day on it. Most of her time seems to be spent on the trampoline.

Hopefully you can take her swimming, that's really popular with children of all ages that I see - we go swimming every day. And see about having friends over/her visiting friends, I'm trying to encourage DD to see her friends more as I know she has more fun when she does, but she's just being a bit lazy about it.

If you take her and a friend on the odd day out, friends' parents might reciprocate? Might she go on a bike ride with picnic with you if a friend came too? Jigsaws any good as a screen-free activity? Challenge her to plan dinner (and send her shopping)?

I agree with BertieBotts that you should give her a list of options and get her to choose one/some, to give structure to the holidays.

Ah that's so funny :) DS1 was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a couple of years ago. Wouldn't have been picked up at school. I just put him forward for it because I was diagnosed myself and he is so similar to me. Maybe something worth keeping in the back of your mind? I think it's behind his anxiety about trying new things and his lack of ability to self-start or plan things without clear direction.

I also tend towards being a bit too hands off / laid back / lazy if I'm honest and don't think to push him into things but it does tend to go much better when I do.

She is definitely on the quirky side and it is something I’ve considered but I think my fault in the past has been to push too much and put too much pressure on for her to enjoy things. I was always at guides or sports things at her age and joined any club going so we are very different.
She needs to think that things are her idea usually.

I have a 11yr old and 13 yr old that would stare at screens all day and not move if they had their way. On the days I wfh, they will faff about in the morning, dressed by midday, out with me (walking/park/lunch) 12-2, and screens until 7.30, with a break for dinner in the middle. I’ll have some days off and drag them out too, probably about 3 weeks in total. They don’t organise activities with friends yet, and refuse to go to clubs. They are happy playing in a park, digging in the sand on a beach etc, so long as it is far enough not to be spotted!

DS1 is happier to go to things if a friend is already going, maybe you could get her to ask around her friends (or ask around their mums, if you know them) to see what clubs/activities they do? Or if none of them do an activity she's interested in maybe you could find a friend who wants to start an activity and they could choose something together?

Yes yes to finding out what activities her friends are doing. Might make something suddenly more attractive

Some progress.
She loves the idea of a room makeover (involves shopping obv!)
But she’s also considering a theatre holiday club where they put on a show. That would be amazing if she did it but I’m feigning nonchalance so as not to put her off!

I have a nearly 11 year old who is also very wary of anything. I have to drag him to places and organise for friends to come over (we don't live near anyone, so it always involves driving). He does enjoy the cinema and swimming though, in the holidays I aim for us to swim twice a week, it's one of the rare activities we can do together without inviting a friend along.

Just came back to this thread to say that DD1 who was also a shy 11 year old who didn’t want to go anywhere or see anyone is now 15 and constantly organising visits to friends houses and vice versa :)

The school holidays are ridiculously long here in Uk(at least 5/6 weeks)

You must be joking. One of the shortest summers in Europe. I grew up with 3 months of summer. Never complained, even though parents didn't do anything special to entertain me.

That said, i don't organize anything much for my 12yo either. Besides gaming and hanging out with friends, he has music practice, youth club, i do get him to do some housework. He also got quite enthusiastically into Airfix models recently.