How much do your primary aged children cry?

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Mine are 9, 7 and 5 and cry more than I think they should. I think our parenting has gone awry somewhat. There seems to be a rut where they are issued with an order, instruction and then they cry, or in the case of the 5yo kick off into a tantrum.

I am of the view that life should be much smoother than this and it should be possible to have a whole day, if not many days without a child crying, unless they are injured or hurt.

I welcome advice. It is very wearing.

Mine are 9,6 & almost 4. They are always wailing about something or other! Less so the eldest but he has his moments. Someone took something of theirs. One of them hit them. Something isn’t fair. Then they’re happy moments later so I’m sure it’s often contrived! My middle son is a very sensitive soul & cries often at the blink of an eye. I suppose I thought it was fairly ordinary stuff but yes, bloody tiring at times!

Tantrums and tears from DS 8 probably 7 out of 10 days. It was every day when schools went back after Easter so I feel like we are going in the right direction. Having three dealing with the last 18 months plus bouncing off each other's moods, it doesn't seem surprising (but obviously really shit and I feel for you).

My dd (now yr 6) barely cries. She’s only ever really cried if she hurts herself, and even then, she won’t cry if anyone is watching. She does have some hormonal/frustrated blips every now and then, but they are also rare (but I imagine they will grow!). My ds is more of a crier, he cries with anger and frustration, and cries at tiny injuries, although now 13 he’s reducing, but in primary it was at least weekly.

Well maybe have a think about how you’re interacting with them?

Thanks, some reassurance there! Ithought you would all say that crying had wound down a lot by this point.

@Iggly - we are! Hence the post..

My 6 year old cries with rage (or disappointment - holidays having to be cancelled due to bastard Covid) more than anything but it’s not often. He doesn’t seem to often hurt himself so doesn’t have that reason if you see what I mean. My 3 yr old cries once every few days and in reaction to typical preschooler disappointments like the TV being turned off or not allowed another biscuit - understandable!

I think it depends on the child. Some are just more tearful than others. I think young primary 4/5/6 they're still crying quite a lot and then less as they get older.

9 year old is not a big cryer, but he comes home and tells me about what happened at school and there is always at least one of them in tears every single day (year 5).

Do bear in mind that as frustrating as it is, them feeling like they can easily show their emotions/cry is a good thing not a bad thing!

2 sons here.

Never.

The first time I ever saw DS2 cry was on the journey home from school on his last day at primary. He’s cried once since then when he was very ill, aged 12.

Other DS cried once aged 15 after a huge teenage argument with me. I think he shed a tear when he failed his driving test, out of annoyance.

I have no idea why they are so relentlessly positive. I’m not.

6 yr old son. Very rarely. If he does it's usually related to tiredness.

Honestly, not often. Dd is 8 in a few weeks and only really cries when she is super tired...then everything and anything makes her sob like a banshee.

My 4 year old cries most days, often multiple times a day. But it’s not proper upset crying, it’s whingy not getting his own way crying.

My daughter is 9 and up to the age of 7 never cried at all,well only maybe if she fell down maybe,but these last 2 years have been tears after tears all of it stemming from school issues,It is so hard to see them like this,

If they cry when asked to do something, does that tend let them off the hook and delay things? I think I’d ignore the crying if that’s the case and press on with the request.

DS11 hardly ever, DD9 rarely, DS7 every other day and DD5 occasionally if hurt/tired.

Are they crying because they don’t want to do whatever you’ve asked them to? So you say please tidy your toys up then they cry? If so I would imagine they’re doing it to get their own way. On the other hand, if requests to do things are ending up with shouting etc that could be why they’re crying.

My 5 year old cries at least 10 times daily, often because she throws herself around the place and then gets injured, but also when she doesn’t like an answer she gets (no to tablet, no to biscuit, etc), and quite frequently due to tiredness. It’s usually a one minute tear fest then she’s over it. She does have a disability that makes her very tired, so I put a lot of it down to that. I try to be empathetic no matter how totally ridiculous she’s being. have been reading “the book you wish your parents had read” recently - the chapter on feelings might be useful

It’s very much child dependent. My 11 year old cries very rarely and normally it’s from frustration (same with me actually!). My 8 year old cries with injustice. So if his brother injures him (by accident, say on the trampoline) and doesn’t say sorry, there are tears, but I notice that if he apologises straight away, he doesn’t cry. So he’s definitely in control of that kind of crying.
He will cry from other stuff maybe 1-2 times a week, but he’s always running fast and crashing into things so he does have a little cry when he hurts himself and then is fine after a quick hug.
I reckon it’s only in the past year or so that he has really reduced the crying and that was kind of from a concerted effort from me saying things like “I know you’re sad/frustrated/angry, can you try to tell me exactly what’s happened/what we can do to fix this?” I’ve never tried to stop tears for “true” sadness (when my older son didn’t get a coveted part in a choir) or for when they’re injured as I don’t want them to feel bad about tears but equally I didn’t want them to be resorting to manipulative tears or tears when words would do fine.