Can I take a minute to wallow in anonymity?!

[Bandaidsandbitterness]

Nowhere else to get this off my chest without making a self indulgent prat of myself but I also wonder - is it just me that feels this way?

Does anyone else just never get a break? Every time I take a step forward something happens to kick me back down. At this point I feel like I’m made up of more emotional scare tissue than actual person, and I’m fed up of having to put myself back together.

No hugely dramatic background, just regular bad luck which is like death by 1000 cuts. Made worse because I know others have it worse, and I know I should concentrate on what I have. But everything gets taken away from me and I can’t pin point why, what do I do so differently from everyone else that means I just can’t function as a proper person and can’t keep anything nice?

I’m really trying to keep things in perspective and keep a sense of humour about things, but I’m one kick in the face away from becoming a super villain or hardy heroine.

Ah yes I find that as soon as I go 'oh isn't this going well', three bad things happen. Almost to the point where I daren't tell say when things are good as I have jinxed it.

The trick is to work on things that will come good in the long term. For example (this happens a lot to me) I get to a good place with money then three big sudden expenses come up and wipe out my spare money. But more recently I have also been putting money into different longer term savings so at least I know I have those. Sort of like well things are shit now but at least I know they will be better in future.

Adrenal fatigue & burnout can happen with the 1000 paper cuts as easy as it can happen with one major acute episode of stress, so you're not being self indulgent, you're probably burnt out. The irony is that to recover you need to be more self indulgent! More self care, time for yourself, Etc (I know that's hard when there's so much else to do).

Thank you so much for replying. It makes such a difference. I actually have chronic severe depression so I know I’m burnt out and imbalanced etc. I am beginning to think that I need to acknowledge and ride out the bad stuff because by “coping and pushing through” I just put it off for later.

I know what you mean about trying to prepare and help what I can. I think that’s the frustrating thing just now- all my planning gets thwarted. Example - outing but fuck it I’m past caring - I had to move as landlord sold house. Managed to eventually find somewhere wiping out my savings, terrible condition so having to clean, decorate and fix everything, further away from sons school and my support network, but affordable and secure. Then found out they are applying to demolish it for a huge new development.
Boyfriend- secure, long term relationship some niggles but ok. He keeps saying to let him support me and let him in. So I do, I say I’m drowning and I need you to pull me further into your canoe because I can’t cling on anymore. He kicked me away from the canoe and paddled away!
Work- found a job I loved and was good at, finally a decent wage - had a major depressive episode and now on SSP and no idea how long it will take me to recover.

Sorry for just blurting it all out but actually it’s helping a bit. I can’t lay it out to anyone in real life so it’s a relief to acknowledge it.