So angry … EVERYDAY

[Colstina]

So I constantly feel angry , like raging , I have looked after my toddler and worked from home during lockdown and he is good as gold and my absolute world . But I just feel angry with life ….

*angry that I never get recognised at work ?employee of the months etc ( even though people who do sod all have, they have even told me they don’t do any work! ) even though I got nominated once but mine was not read out ….. yes I know I sound pathetic. But I work damn hard more than my part time hours most weeks , I have been back from maternity the past year in a pandemic and just feel invisible.

I’m Angry with people around me , users , liars , even people who are meant to be close to me .

I feel invisible , I feel like I have to say stories 5 times when I talk to friends/colleagues/partner it feels like no one ever listens to me , am I that boring!?

I feel so angry that I could genuinely punch a wall kind of anger (I never have - I’m not tht daft ) but it just feels pent up and I don’t know what to do !

How can I sort this out , as I feel so wound up some days that my chest feel tight.

Please give any suggestions of why I might be like this and what I could do to sort it out .

I had gone through something very similar. But I think for me this was down to workload. Was working extremely long hours and weekends and putting enormous pressure on myself. Unfortunately I didn't realize this at the time. So ended up having a few breakdowns and not being able to do anything for a few days. I would also feel angry at everyone. However, situation at work improved and when look back now I realized where the issue was.

It might not be work only but maybe the overall situation you are in and the constant pressure you put yourself under? I didn't cope that well myself but maybe try to step back and look carefully on what's going on in your life and the expectations you have for yourself.

Are you on hormonal contraception at all?

Do you have any history of trauma (PTSD)? Probably not perimenopause if you have a toddler.

Thank you for your replies , I even had a fear no one would hear me on here …. I am not on the contraceptive pill , neither any trauma from past (there was a couple of things that occurred in my teens but I really don’t feel they are associated to now) ,

I have had anxiety and depression on and off for many years (mainly related to worry of stomach issues let’s just put it this way , I like to know where a toilet is as soon as I get anywhere ) I have been on citalopram for quite some time also .

But it’s just crazy , I have not felt this before , it’s like I feel like I could lose it at any second , And it almost feels like I have a tantrum in me , which is kinda embarrasing as I’m a 38 year old grown woman .

Maybe I’m deep down nervous of lock down ending and having to go back in the office (as inclusive of maternity ive been not worked in a full office for nearly 2 years and I think I prefer it ) , as part of my anxiety issue is major social anxiety ….. but I’m a true faker , I hide it very well .

Please get your thyroid checked. Honestly. It could change your life. Anger was my main symptom.

@Handy123 ah wow thank you, I will , as I have gained quite a bit of weight also and I know that can be a side affect/symptom It’s so hard with GPS at the moment , but I will call in the morning :) can I ask , was yours over or under ?

I always think of anger as a secondary emotion. It's the response to something else going on. I'm autistic but think everyone could do with one of these feelings wheels

I feel very similar to you though my anger and resentment is mainly due to menopause and a OH who leaves everything to me.

Writing lists sometimes helps me a bit as I often feel overwhelmed and being able to cross something I have done off the list is very satisfying.

I'd check your blood pressure as well. It could be linked to cortisol the stress hormone wrongly firing at the wrong times. Its meant to be high in the morning then taper during the day but lockdown has messed patterns up for many people. Hows your sleep? I think you know the stress isnt sustainable anyway

Thank you again , I’ll have a look at the wheel , I have heard before that it’s secondary emotion .

I probably should have mentioned , my sleep is terrible , I can’t sleep at night , usually go to bed about 2/3am and on my days off just want to sleep in the day , I can only do that if my toddler has a nap , but really I shouldn’t be doing it at all , but I can’t seem to get my sleep pattern right . I think my cortisol levels are flipped somehow . I Hope I’m not going on too much , just giving what info I can to see how others have felt like this and dealt with it.

It very likely your thyroid. The problem is the nhs aren't that hot on thyroid problems, I would get a private blood test .Medichecks are good and they do reductions on price on Thursdays.I would also recommend joining healthunlocked/thyroid uk they were really helpful to me and the people on there really know there stuff.

@Handy123

Please get your thyroid checked. Honestly. It could change your life. Anger was my main symptom.

This. I was always angry and frustrated too.

What you said about your cortisol levels being flipped it made me think of adrenal fatigue OP, could be a possibility to consider as rage can be a symptom as can poor sleep patterns.

Me too; my surgery seem a bit confused by it. I'm in a hot state and feel cross at the world mostly. What does HRT do exactly? If I started feeling sexual again I would have a terrible shock. I'm not accustomed to pouncing back at 20 year olds when they preposition me. I'm usually quite polite and say no thanks.

Do you have access to a counsellor or therapist?

I felt the same as you a couple of years back and even went to see GP as I thought it was thyroid too. Turns out it wasn’t and was advised to try counselling (fortunately via work I got 6 sessions for free)

Was interesting what things came up to the surface. Things that I did not think for a minute were impacting my daily life but we’re. Not saying for a moment those sessions ‘fixed’ me, but I now have some context around my triggers which is really helpful

I could have written your post

I’m the same age as you and on citalopram for many years. I’ve recently switched to fluoxetine (citalopram just wasn’t working anymore, likely due to weight gain)

Just before I switched I was furious about everything. Even when I woke up in the mornings I wanted to put my fist through a wall, I couldn’t sleep because everything kept going round in my mind

2 months on from switching and I feel less angry (I actually feel less “everything” IYSWIM)

It might be connected, it might not. But it’s worth considering as a source of your anger, or at least a contributory factor

Don't think y last message was posted .I would defintely get your thyroid checked. Medichecks are quite good and they have a thyroid Thursday where there is a discount and also thyroid uk/heath unlocked have a really good forum. They have helped me enormously.

Maybe perimenopausal?