Teen who has problem with telling the truth

[Elphaba75]

Hi all!

I desperately need some advice regarding my just turned 16 year old son.
He’s always had a distance relationship with the truth and has omitted things in the past or twisted things when he’s been in trouble at school ( nothing serious,back chatting and swearing black is white basically !) any way he’s just started seeing his first serious girlfriend,talking as friends for a couple of months on FaceTime and meeting up 3 ish Times since they started dating about 3 weeks ago.
He asked if she could stay over cos she lives 40 mins away and he’d sleep on the sofa and she wanted to meet us.We said not this early they’ve only just started going out he said her mum wouldn’t let him stay there
He arranged to sleep over at his mates, which he’s done before, but we got a hint something was going on?? Come to find out though he’s denied ever being to her house there was a photo of them on her bed posted the day he was ‘at his friends’ despite being confronted about the fact we thought he was lying he repeatedly denied it. Then he admitted they ‘were in the same bed but nothing happened’ but changed that to he slept on the sofa and said he misworded it!
He doesn’t understand he’s done anything wrong because the didn’t have sex. And he wanted to go and he doesn’t believe we have a valid reason to stop him going.
And won’t see our side at all,
He had a party planned with some friends at there house (parent there but quite liberal) staying over which he’s trying to work to earn back. However we know the girl is going and staying over and they are planning to share a blow up bed we know this because he is on call to her and he has no volume button so everyone can hear and they are not planning on telling us and cropping her out of photos ! I’ve warned him about telling us the complete truth when we ask about details later today and now she’s telling him to tel the truth but he’s been heard saying he’s good a feeding us bullshit!!!
He never gets the consequences of his behaviour and never believes hes wrong can’t understand why we don’t trust him! And we don’t know what to do with him anymore! Any help Pleassse !!!!!!

I hate to say it but I think you have made thing worse by laying down the law. He's in the grip of teen love! The easiest thing would have been to have her stay over.. under your eye.. that way you could have supervised in a laid back fashion, he'd have felt listened to etc.
He's 16. And more than likely will be (or soon) experimenting with sex.
Having her over, where you could meet her (she may be lovely) would be wiser than basically forcing him to lie!

My DS1 was a terrible liar.. terrible at one stage in his teens he'd lie about his own name if you asked him..it was his automatic default! He also wasn't that good at it, and would just lie more to cover the lies he'd already told! Then blow if if confronted.

The good news is he did grow up and out of it (in his 20s now and a perfectly decent man) BUT we had to pick our battles..

I would try and meet him halfway.. he's not a little child now and you probably need to allow him to feel he has some freedom even if it is carefully engineered by you :)

He is not 'going to see your side' for a few more years at least.. he's a bag of teenage hormones who thinks his parents are ridiculous, mean, know nothing and don't understand him :) (I had 4 teens at the same time... boy it aged me )

Negotiate with him...