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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Is anyone 50 soon? Or just turned 50?

54 replies

UnwantedGain · 28/06/2021 13:54

How do you feel about it?
I’m trying not to feel like rubbish about it but it’s hard not to.
I feel doors are shutting, I also had my youngest dc at 40 so I’m still doing the school run with all the young mums (as well as some older ones).
I also feel more aware of having less life in front of me than behind me.
It’s making me feel low and I really, really do not want to celebrate my birthday this year.
I’m not miserable, and am thankful for all I have. I understand that it’s a privilege to grow old, and not die young, it also feels crap.

OP posts:
UnwantedGain · 28/06/2021 19:15

Thank you everyone Smile
I appreciate all the responses, especially those who have young children still. Having a young child somehow makes me feel inadequate. Like I should have children going off to Uni rather than still at primary school.
It’s not what I planned but I’m so grateful I have my dc.
And pp are right. It does keep me younger.

OP posts:
UnwantedGain · 28/06/2021 19:18

I’m sorry @user1471538283.
I really hope you manage to sort all your stuff out.

OP posts:
OverByYer · 28/06/2021 19:21

I’m 50 in November and quite looking forward to it.
My children are older , youngest starts uni this year so I finally feel like this is my time.
If it weren’t for COVID I’d be partying and travelling.

Roselilly36 · 28/06/2021 19:25

I will turn 50 this year, I feel bloody privileged tbh, I know people that haven’t made it to 50, so it is a celebration for me. DH was extremely depressed though when he turned 50.

PussInBin20 · 28/06/2021 19:27

I know what you mean. I will be 50 in November and feel the same, like somehow I’ve been cheated out of a few years and I shouldn’t be this old.

I feel fairly ok health wise although I do get more tired. I also have a primary aged child (soon to be Yr 7) and she told me the other day I was the oldest Mum in the school (yeah thanks!).

I am also acutely aware that I am old enough to be my colleagues’ Mum at work too and I have little in common with them. I was invited to a drinking day out with them which was sweet but I’d feel a fish out of water as they talk about dating and “love island” or whatever it is at the mo.

It doesn’t help that I keep going into Costa (I’m an addict) and I keep reading their “born and blended in 1971” sign and I think “that’s me!”.

I am grateful to make it this far though and keep saying to DH not to put things off and that we have to live everything now, as you never know what’s around the corner.

Not sure how to “celebrate” this year really.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 28/06/2021 19:31

Me and a lot of my friends turned 50 this year. I don’t mind it.

40 was shit. If you’re 40 and behaving badly people judge.At 50 they know you aren’t competition so you are back to being a laugh again.

Also most 59 year olds look pretty good.

MrsBunHat · 28/06/2021 19:32

I’m 51 and also had my youngest at 40 so still doing school runs and quite limited in what I can do, as I’m single and no family help. I don’t feel bad about that but I do feel as if I should be at the next stage and have adult DC by this age. I do feel lucky to have had them, but I think I’ll always feel I should have started younger. (couldn’t as no willing man!)

It was a psychological leap to accept being 50 and still somehow just doesn’t make sense, but I think I’ve made peace with it. I don’t feel old and I have a ton of things I want to do when I’m older and can keep my own hours and go where I like.

I was worried about gaining weight and being 50 motivated me to lose a bit - it’s very slow going but I’ve lost about 1.5 stone in a year. That makes me feel better as I now know it’s possible.

I do like older women who just carry on getting out there and not giving a shit, like Mary beard and Vivienne Westwood and Dolly Parton, in fact there are many of them. Whenever I feel like I’m invisible or past it in some way I think of them :o

I8toys · 28/06/2021 19:34

50 next year. I said to the husband this is why women this age when I was younger seemed miserable. Because they feckin are. Kids leaving home, parents becoming more needy, menopause, ageing. Its shite.

islamann · 28/06/2021 19:40

On Friday. Not dealing with it at all well. I have a 5yo DD, and I feel incredibly aware that I prob won’t see any grandchildren from her.

Missillusioned · 28/06/2021 19:45

I found it difficult. I turned 50 during lockdown, so no celebrations. I'm single and I'm feeling the loss of my sexual currency. I'm in menopause and my sex drive has suffered which isn't a plus when you want to find a partner.

I have had friends die and get diagnosed with serious illness this year and it feels like the beginning of the end in a way. I'm quite sad about it.

I still have dependent children so I don't have the freedom some 50 something's have, which can be a compensating factor I think.

FourTurnings · 28/06/2021 19:52

I’m almost 52. I sometimes feel sad that, as a PP said, I’ve lost my sexual currency and heads don’t turn as they used to when I enter a room. My own sex drive has calmed down a lot too so I guess I just don’t put out the same signals that I used to. And even though I can run 10k and still wear the same dress size I always did, my body doesn’t look like it did. My DC are widely spaced in ages so I’ve a grown up and still do the school runs so I don’t have that benchmark but I also feel sad that so much of my life has passed. I also miss my parents being as they were when we were all younger. But on the other hand, I’m comfortably off, have finished the mortgage, am more senior at work than I’ve ever been, and have a more genuine ‘couldn’t give a fuck’ attitude than I ever did. It’s a funny thing, ageing.

Rattysparklebum · 28/06/2021 20:01

I’m 52, my DC are adults and when I reached 50 I suddenly felt like a grown up and did lots of adult things I had been putting off - got married after living with DP for 30 years, made a will, bought a rucksack and travelled around Vietnam (pre COVID), I feel better about myself now than I have for years, I think because I have less responsibilities and crap to deal with now than for the last 30 years.

2bazookas · 28/06/2021 20:02

BTDT.

The next 20 years were some of the best ever. The children were independent; mortgage repaid, free at last to do what the hell we liked while still strong and fit. Oh YES!

Treasure your [physical and emotional and mental health and take every opportunity to protect and enhance them. That is your great asset for the rest of your life. (Excercise, diet, actitivity, yoga. new hobbies, fresh air, meditation.; take your pick and enjoy).

lljkk · 28/06/2021 20:05

mid 50s. I feel fine. It's odd to think about, so I don't much think about it. I'm don't feel as "old" as I am.

I don't much like how I look but if I don't look in mirror, I soon forget.

I slightly resent not being called "old" - 50+ years is a LONG time. I remember stuff that happened 50 years ago -- wow. Many people don't make it to 50+. I can wear "old" with pride.

ProfYaffle · 28/06/2021 20:06

I'm 50 in January and couldn't be happier. Yes I need to lose some weight and get fitter but I think I've felt like that for most of my life Grin

I was a sahm for 12 years, went back to work 4 years ago. This past year has been stressful at work but I'm feeling on top of my game, learning new skills, taking on new projects, feeling valued and like I'm contributing something. Now that I'm earning again we're financially in a great place.

On the whole, my self esteem has rocketed.

PaperMonster · 28/06/2021 20:16

52 with a primary aged child. In some respects I am very fit - can walk for miles etc. But I have some msk issues which are making life hard work! But to be fair I had msk issues in my 20s which made life hard work!! Am slimmer than I was then though!! It is what it is - I don’t much care what people think anymore. And I’ve really gone off sex. I also think I look much better than I did when I was younger - but maybe I’m just more accepting of my looks?

lazarusb · 28/06/2021 20:40

I'm going to be 50 next week. I will qualify in a few months for a job I've been studying and training for for almost 12 years. I'm peri-menopausal and going to become a first time grandmother at the end of the year. I'm fit and healthy, have enough money to pay my bills and debts.

I had two friends of the same age last year - one died in January from melanoma and one in May from a heart attack. Given the alternative, I'm grateful to be here and healthy. I feel like more doors were closed to me at 20 (with a baby, mortgage and full-time but low-paid job). I'm absolutely determined to enjoy the next decade as much as possible.

Life is way too short to worry about another birthday with an 0 in it.

breadfortea · 28/06/2021 20:50

I loved it...I have known quite a few people who haven't made it to 50. So I am just happy to still be. here

JaninaDuszejko · 28/06/2021 21:15

@islamann

On Friday. Not dealing with it at all well. I have a 5yo DD, and I feel incredibly aware that I prob won’t see any grandchildren from her.
There's a strong link between having children in your 40s and living to 100 so you may see grandchildren from her. And that generation may react against our late childbearing and have DC young, the (early) baby boomers had children a lot earlier than their parents.
nostaples · 29/06/2021 00:31

Maybe some doors have closed but others are opening surely? I'm nearly 49. Had some shit things happen in the last few years - divorce, bereavement, lost jobs - but I've started looking at things a bit differently. I think it helps that my children are in the process of flying the next for university and I'm really enjoying my new relationship with them and watching them become adults. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to being a grandma, that stage of life. I've also started proper exercise, running, and wild swimming. Enormously benefiical for mental and physical health and recommend. A lot of my friends at the same age seem to look better now than they did 20 years ago and it seems they are now operating on challenges - marathons, half marathons etc. I didn't have time to do this or the inclination but now I am setting myself challenges too and really enjoying it. Probably fitter now than I've ever been oddly enough. And started a new relationship. 50 isn't old so I really think you need to make some mental adjustements. You've got a long, long life left so you need to make the best of it. I think paying attention to your physical and mental health is the start of that. And really recommend taking a new approach to exericise if you don't already.

Blonchette · 29/06/2021 06:57

My 50’s have been eventful. I’m 56 now.

I actually can’t remember how I was feeling in the run up to my 50th but my youngest dc was 10 so a similar age to yours. I have 4 dc altogether, and 3 of them were still at home so life was busy. My dad died that year, we were very close and it knocked me back but I had distractions with the dc, plus Dh was ill.

When I was 52 Dh died (also aged 52). Don’t really remember anything much else about that year except it was hard and horrible and I wanted to die too :(.

When I was 53 I reassessed my life and realised that all my friends, though lovely, were in very different places to me, and that my life was becoming increasingly smaller. In an effort to change this, I applied to BA to be cabin crew. Never for a minute thought I’d get past the initial online stuff but I did. I had a conversation with my dc because, if this was to work, they all had to be on board. They were. I got invited to an assessment day and nearly didn’t go as I was terrified! I did go, and I got accepted.

Absolutely loved the training as it was exciting (mostly - hard as well though). Made some lovely friends even though I was by far the oldest on the course - by decades! Got my wings, started flying - and hated it! Won’t bore you with the details but I really really hated it and I left.

I felt like a real failure but then people kept telling me to re-frame it and look on it as something I’d tried, so that helped enormously.

When I was 54 I completely unexpectedly met someone. I knew it would never be a long term thing - Dh is a hard act to follow - but it did my self esteem no end of good. He was younger than me and for some reason found me irresistible and I had the best sex in a long time (Dh had been ill for a long time). We parted amicably after about 18 months and we’re still in touch now and again.

Also when I was 54 I got a job working at a charity which I absolutely love. It’s low paid but it’s low stress and I feel like I’m making a difference.

I’ve also been volunteering for another charity for about 6 years, but in the last 2 years, I’ve become much more involved with this, and again, this feels like I’m making a difference.

So - my 50’s so far have been have been a mixed bag. Some awful things have happened, some lovely things have happened, some unexpected things have happened, I’ve made new friends etc. I think the point of this ramble is to say that please don’t write yourself off, or be sad at your advancing years. As others have said, it’s better than the alternative, and there is still so much out there for you to do and see and experience. You’re going to get older regardless so don’t fixate on the numbers. I bet most of us still think of ourselves as still in our 20’s in our heads - run with that idea (in an age appropriate way!).

Also - there was a really interesting thread on here a few weeks ago called something like “how do you feel if you are in your 50’s?” Might be worth a read!

HelenHywater · 29/06/2021 07:22

I turned 50 in lockdown too. I also have a primary aged child (as well as older dc at university).

Like a PP, I couldn't happier - Physically I feel great (apart from my knees....) and am in really good shape. Yoga, running, cycling - they all keep me sane. I agree that looking after your physical and mental health is so important. I love love love my job (which I got when I was 48), my kids, my lovely friends. I'm single now, but feel good about that too. I feel very fortunate actually. There's a definite DGAF feeling that is pretty freeing.

Sometimes I feel surprised at the time that's gone by. I have some very close friends that I know from university (actually school too for that matter) , and I can't believe we're all 50! We're still 18!

brittleheadgirl · 29/06/2021 07:23

Mostly I feel ok?
Dc are older teens, so life is easier and they are doing well.
I've not exactly achieved much career wise but I love my job and I'm blessed to have a very large and amazing circle of friends who I'm in touch with daily.
They mostly live very local to me, so are huge part of my life and post covid, I have a great social life. I naively never thought I'd still be partying at my age.

I worry very much about ageing, I think mostly because my dh is still in his 30s Blush
It all comes from me, he thinks I'm a goddess but I can't help worrying that if I suddenly hit a period of rapid ageing, I might look a bit odd next to him?!

Mostly I'm glad to be fit and well, I'm only a year younger than my Grandmother was when she died, so I do appreciate the alternative to getting old is far far worse!

HelenHywater · 29/06/2021 07:24

@Blonchette sorry for your losses, but well done on re-training as cabin crew! That's a really brave thing to do. (and even braver to admit you didn't like it). I'm in the same sector as you and it's so rewarding.

BikeRunSki · 29/06/2021 07:24

I was 50 at the end of last year, and I had my youngest 3 weeks before I was 41.

To be honest, it doesn’t really bother me. A very good friend died when she was 46. Maybe that has some influence, but I don’t wake up everyday thinking that “I’m so glad to be alive”, not do I dwell on my age.

I’m certainly in a different place to my grandmother who declared herself to be “an old lady now” when she was 50, and chose to no longer drive, look after children or work. I’m more “I know what I like, I know what works for me, let’s get in with it”, and much happier in my skin than I probably ever have been. The preteens are tiring, but I’m pretty sure they would be if I was 30.