How much would you expect to see of your 20yo DS's girlfriend?

[Backhills]

AFAIK they've been together about 2 months, although he didn't tell me until very recently.

They've had a weekend away and he seems to know her parents. They both live at home, she's younger.

He drives, she doesn't and she lives about 5 miles away in a "nicer" town, so he'll drive there and they'll go out there or spend time at her house.

I've only met her once for a few minutes when they popped in on their way elsewhere. She seems nice, much more confident and outgoing than him, but they were nice and lively together. It was lovely to see a bit of life in him TBH and I'm thrilled that he's actually living a bit after the year our young people have had.

I am a bit sad that I don't see my little boy from one week to the next though. He's either working or with her. I get that, as I said I'm pleased for him and I understand it has to happen, but why always at her house?!

I know there's nothing to do about it, I'm just getting it off my chest

It's a bit more poignant because DH, his dad is dying. I've tried not to rely too much in DCs to help with his care but it's getting harder and I can't move him on my own now and with DS1 never here, it means all the care is falling to me and DS2.

I understand why DS1 would prefer not to be here, but I do worry that he'll regret not having spent more time with his dad later.

I'm so sorry about your DH.
It's not unusual to not see a BF or GF at the early stage of 2 months.
This is very difficult for you all but actually I think it's a good thing that he has met a nice girl and has something to take his mind off his dad and home.
Doesn't help you though. It sounds as though you have gently suggested he spend more time with his dad and I wouldn't push it. I would make sure he is fully aware of the prognosis though.

Is there a hospice nearby? Often they will help with many other things besides residential nursing, such as respite. They are also very good at co-ordinating care and experts in pain relief.

Sounds horrendous.

If you can meet gf who is an adult and explain about DH as you have done here she may be able to get through to your son and may be able to support him.
She will be involved when the worst happens; it may help them both to prepare together.

She might even support you as a friend. (not as apprentice DiL)

Yes, the Hospice are organising his care, thank you.

@markmichelle

If you can meet gf who is an adult and explain about DH as you have done here she may be able to get through to your son and may be able to support him. She will be involved when the worst happens; it may help them both to prepare together. She might even support you as a friend. (not as apprentice DiL)

Please don't do this! She is a teenage girl who lives at home and has been dating for a few weeks.

It would be utterly inappropriate to expect to put that kind of pressure and expectation onto her. She's not the OPs friend, she's met her for a few minutes and it would be unreasonable to expect a teenage girl to have to deal with something so difficult.