How the hell do I buy bras for my refusenik teen?

[Rockbird]

She's 13 and bursting out of her bras. She admits herself that they're tight but she refuses to be measured, let me measure her, or even look at her properly to get a rough idea. I can't buy bigger bras without having any clue. But she won't discuss it at all. I understand she's a teenager and doesn't want to talk about things like this but we have a very close relationship and talk about everything else. I just want to buy her a new sodding bra!

Sports bras or let her measure herself

My mum never measured me for a bra
Give her bra money

I’d sooner die than let my mother come at me with a tape measure, as a teenager or now.

I’d give her the money and not mention it again.

she refuses to be measured, let me measure her, or even look at her properly to get a rough idea.

I've never been measured as such. I always go to a shop, try lots of different sizes and find the one that works.
If she doesnt want to be measured, just let her be and take her to a shop so she can do her own trials.

@Rockbird, that was me at that age.

I developed early and was quite busty compared to my friends. I got teased. My mother never discussed bras with me or bought me one.

Back in those days, bras came in 32/34/36 A, B or C, and if you looked hard enough a D cup.

Anyone with a bosom would be bulging out of their bra. I usually found that my boobs would fall slide out of the bra as the band wasn't wide enough.

Going to a proper lingerie shop and getting a bra that fitted was life-changing.

She can measure herself. I do. I’ve never wanted to be measured by anyone else and the only time I’ve done it I went to M&S who measure wrong.

Thanks all. I've told her that when/if she wants to go shopping I'll transfer the money and she can go with friends. She knows I'm here if she needs me but I won't mention it again now.

She's already wearing bras so has a starting point at least.

At 13 she's more than capable of measuring herself as well!

She is perfectly normal and it is her privacy you should respect. Let her sort it.

I'd encourage her to measure herself using the online guides on some websites. Then she can select two or three bras in styles that she likes and you will pay or transfer her the money (within reason, obviously).

She could still measure herself at home, have a browse and let you have an accurate idea of cost before she goes into town with her friends if she prefers to do it that way. Then you will be able to give her a realistic budget to take with her.

I’m in the same situation! So thank you for starting this thread!
My DD just told me her bras are too small for her so I’ve just got the next size up but I doubt they’ll fit perfectly. She wears really baggy tops so it’s hard for me to get an idea of what size she’d need.

Does she know that she can go into a shop like M&S and just try on, without interacting with anyone? I didn't realise that for years, so wore the same tiny, worn-out bras that whole time!

Get her to measure herself if she wants a rough idea, and then let her go to a shop and try some for size. She doesn't have to buy them from, say, M&S if that's not her style; she can just get her size.

@Blurp M &S don't have a good reputation when it comes to bra sizing. They are regularly different to other places. She'd be better going to a proper lingerie shop

Order a few different sizes from Next.

[quote Takingabreakagain]@Blurp M &S don't have a good reputation when it comes to bra sizing. They are regularly different to other places. She'd be better going to a proper lingerie shop[/quote]
Well, yes, but if she's too scared to do that, M&S is worth a try.

A recent episode of More or Less on radio 4 explained that the reason most women are said to be wearing the ‘wrong’ bra size is that each brand measures in a slightly different way, so ‘B’ cup is not a standard size.

I would therefore just get a selection to try on at home and return the ones that don’t fit.

I've tried many lingerie shops. M & S is actually the only place I can seem to get my size of bra in a comfortable non-wired style.

However, I last went to M & S about a month ago and they didn't have much in the way of changing rooms open (apparently due to Covid) so people were trying stuff on in the toilets, which I thought wasn't too hygienic or impressive. Just open the bloody changing rooms properly!

For that reason, I might well go elsewhere if possible.

My teenager has bralettes that come in dress sizes or small/med/large etc. Started during lockdown out of necessity in lockdown when she out grew her bras. She finds them much more comfortable than bras anyway.

I sent my teen a link to Boob or Bust, and made the offer of cake and coffee and a bra fitting in John Lewis. I also talked her through bra sizing, what a bra fitting is like, what a good bra feels and looks like etc, so she knew what it would be like and that she wouldn’t need to be seen without a bra or have anyone touch her.

I’d be wary of getting dress size bras as I suspect the band would be too big on most teens.

Give her a tape measure and the Boob or bust measuring guide. I wish I’d known as a teen how to get a well fitting bra instead of the old M&S add 4”.

If she's embarrassed then this is probably the best time to get it done as they can't touch you. I recently went to my local specialist, they asked what size I was wearing and how it fitted. I said the band had stretched so needed a bigger one and they just handed me bras through the curtain. They never touched me and the only time they saw me was when I was wearing a bra I thought fitted (they advised me to go up half a cup.)

Measuring even in shops is hit and miss, I went to Bravissimo once and came out with a bra whose straps wouldn't stay on my shoulders no matter how I adjusted it, total waste of money. My boob or bust measurement is the same as I usually buy from M&S so I usually start with that and try a few on, going up or down a size till I get it right.