Parenting a toddler

[AndTheRestPlease]

I'm looking for some tips or advice on parenting of toddlers, looking ahead, now that my baby is turning 1 this week and is suddenly very active / grown up overnight. So far I'm following my instincts and trying to allow him lots of time each say to play under his own steam, when I sit with him and follow his lead on what he's doing, joining in but letting him lead. I've tried to child-proof my home to facilitate this so that I'm not constantly saying "no, you can't touch that etc" or removing him from things. I'm trying not to use the word No too much at all but obviously there are times when he heads towards something and I need to move him. Eg i have a rickety wardrobe door which I'm waiting to get fixed and he seems very interested in trying to pull it. Rather than make a big deal I tend to nonchalantly move him and then try to engage him in something else. I don't know if that's the best way but just following my instincts.

All babies are different and with my son he is very wilful. A friend who has two older kids remarked on how strong willed he is / how he knows what he wants and so I don't think it's just my perception but I don't have many babies to compare to. At baby groups he is always the one wanting to explore away from me while the other babies stay playing with their mums. He is certainly very confident which is lovely to see, and has a lovely cheerful temperament, but when he wants to do something he is very determined. So I guess I'm just thinking about how best to manage this going forward as he gets more and more confident and wants to try / touch / pick up everything. He's a big boy already and not everything will be safe. Just thinking about how to say no without resulting in too much frustration / tantrums.

I've read Phillips Perry's book and often say to him things like "you're frustrated because mummy put you in the high chair for tea and you want to move around". I also try to tell him whenever I'm going to pick him up / move him in advance etc, rather than just doing it.

I don't know if there are any other books specifically about toddlers which parents would recommend?

In my job (not back at work yet) I teach teenagers and I can see a lot of parallels between this young toddler and teenagers. They just want to be 100% independent, their emotions and brain are going in overdrive, and they can get frustrated, but they are lovely. In keeping with the way I manage the teenagers I teach, I'm trying to engage with and reward all the positive behaviour and just be calm / nonchalant about the negative.

I'm totally new to this and before baby I had no experience with young ones. Also due to Covid we've only just started meeting other babies and parents.

I'm worried I'll make a big mistake and raise a monster, or end up tearing my hair out. So any advice out there I would love to hear. Thank you!

I have 5 children so I’m very used to this stage now, my youngest is almost 1 and I also have a 2.5 year old so I’m about to be parenting two toddlers. I think you’re overthinking things tbh, I’ve always found it’s better to wing it and go with the flow. You provide a safe space for them, play with them, read to them, sing to them and make sure they have a decent bedtime routine. They’ll decide on the rest, there’s no point forcing anything. I say no quite a lot, I didn’t realise this was a shit thing to do. My eldest is 11 and seems unscathed anyway…

I have a teenager, and I really miss days having a toddler. It seemed like such a hard work at the time, but it's such a fond memories now. Just enjoy the time, it goes so quick.

Thanks. Surely @roguetomato it's not the same though? I imagine a lot of potential emotional stress with a teenager but less physical stress and more sleep?

I guess one of my worries is when I see other similar aged babies sitting and playing with their mums or just watching the class leader whilst my boy is constantly wanting to go up to all the other babies, play with their toys etc. Whilst I don't see his behaviour as a problem (it seems natural to me) he always seems to be the only one, or the loudest, most keen to wriggle off. Some parents are fine with it but a few are a bit funny about him touching their things (perhaps Covid related) and I'm unsure of where the line should be drawn.

Are you quite active? If so, he’ll be prone to being the same. Part nature, part nuture! Some toddlers just want to explore the wider environment more than others. Let him.

I think it’s fine to let your DS explore as much as reasonably possible. And it’s good not to restrict him unnecessarily. However that might mean he is not that used to being told ‘no’ and you might want to think about how you deal with any tantrums that result when you do have to say no. Don’t be afraid of him throwing a strip, it’s natural and they all do it. One of the dangers of taking your approach is that children don’t learn how to deal with the disappointment and upset of not being able to get what they want and I have several friends whose children can be really difficult because they have not got used to dealing with difficult feelings when they can’t have something for whatever reason. My own toddler can definitely have strops in different situations but she does know that sometimes she can’t do things or can’t have things that she wants. It is nice to allow them a lot of freedom to explore but you can’t constantly manipulate the environment around them to be suitable for that eg in a shop they can’t be touching everything. Some people would say don’t take them to the shops because you can’t expect a toddler not to touch stuff but I’m not sure that helps and I think it’s good for them to get some practice at resisting temptation!

My son is exactly like this too. I find it very difficult - no one else understands AT ALL. Everyone is just overwhelmed by how nonstop he is and how determined to get into everything. Even as a tiny baby he seemed like he was annoyed that he couldn't do everything for himself already. We had to switch nurseries because the first one he went to couldn't cope with him figuring out all the locks, etc.

Sorry no advice, it sounds like you are doing everything you can. My MIL said my husband and his brother were like this and that they grew out of it eventually. They are both incredibly intelligent - so I assume that is part of it. You have my sympathy!!