Orthorexia, obsession with clean eating, extremely strict diet and timetable - has anyone recovered, truly?

[Scaredycatmoo]

I suffered from anorexia and was extremely underweight in my late teen and twenties.

I improved, got my periods back, and had children but always very aware of what I ate and always underweight but definitely improved.

Over last five years, the situation has plummeted. The difference is that I do eat but I am obsessed with clean eating.

Now… I eat two meals a day. I don’t eat junk food in any form whatsoever, I avoid at all costs. I am extremely strict. I eat two very full meals a day but almost devoid of fat.
Lunch: Vast helpings of salad, with tuna or chicken and a bowl of beetroot and fat free cottage cheese.
Dinner: three HUGE bowls of plain steamed veg along with two bowls of homemade lentil casserole.

It’s the same day in and day out. I hardly ever eat out and when I do - I scour the menu, ring the restaurant, stress about it, often cancel.

And loads of fruit (4 apples, 2 kiwis, an orange and two punnets of blueberries a day)

So very very filling and I am never ill, ever! I never ever miss one of my two meals. Ever. I don’t feel deprived because of the quantity have the energy to run 3x a week and swim 2x a week and lead a very busy work life.

But my BMI is 16.5. I am seriously underweight. Haven’t had a period in4 years (I’ve been put on hrt as risk of osteoporosis and I have other health issues.

I don’t want this to be my life. I don’t want to be obsessed like this. My children are older teens and soon i will be alone (divorced) for much of the time.

I want a life but this obsession with clean eating and strict strict regiment - is stopping me from living.

Anyone the same? Any positive stories

To cut a long story short : my mother hasn't entirely recovered but has improved over the years and that's OK.

This sounds awful and very stressful for you, your body and your poor children to witness.

What you're doing isnt clean eating, it's restricting and then over exercising.

You need to eat from ALL the food groups and only exercise 3 times per week.

I have a friend like you who's 50. She needs a hip replacement and can barely walk. She looks about 65. She lives on apples, cauliflower and low fat yoghurt. It's very distressing to witness.

Please get better support.

I dont think the OP is asking for lectures, she is aware of her issues and is getting professional help. She asked for others experiences.

@Wbeezer

Thinking about it, her obsession with keeping the house clean and tidy caused more issues for us than her issues with food! I'm making her sound bad but she is also a very kind generous person, if a bit quirky, who is much loved!

She honestly sounds like me.

Very good relationship with my teens. We are all close and very loving

But I am an odd bod, and they know that more closely than anyone else.

Also very very very house proud, and hyper organised

I’d class myself as fully recovered from anorexia.
I don’t know how much this can really help you as I tried medical help and various types of therapy and actually none of them helped, they just made me feel like I was unwell mentally (which I was! They just reenforced that message!)
Personally I was anorexic in my late teens and early twenties. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was unhappy (both at uni and also in my relationship). What finally “cured” me was moving on from both those things that were making me unhappy and actually having less time to myself to obsesses and dwell.
I (through chance) got a very busy physical job on a riding yard/ farm where we had set break times. I was utterly starving at meal break times and as I was doing 8+ hours of manual labour a day I stopped counting calories and obsessing and gradually started to relax and just eat cos I was hungry and knew I need fuel for my body. I knew I was physically very fit and it didn’t really matter how much I ate or what. I stopped obsessing. A combination of being forced Into an eating routine by the set meal breaks and eating “normal” food with the other staff in the staff room and also just generally feeling busy and fulfilled is what finally cured me and what made me stop obsessing over everything I ate.
I have a good relationship with food now. I eat like a “normal” person. I don’t think and over analyse everything. It’s been a slow process but I truly feel
Like I’ll never slip back again.
A lot of it has to do with being happy and busy (3 young kids to look after I don’t have time to think too much!)
I hope you can find your cure. It’s such a miserable way to live it really is. Best of luck

I have been in medical care for years.

ED clinic. Discharges myself after 6 months. Helpful but really pitched at 15 year old girls. Lots of talking about “what is a healthy fat”

Wonderful GP. I’m on hrt for osteoporosis risk.

I’m never Ill

Just far too thin, always feel the cold and know that mentally - i am “off”

@Wbeezer

I dont think the OP is asking for lectures, she is aware of her issues and is getting professional help. She asked for others experiences.

Thank you. I skim over the ones telling me to improve my diet etc

I know I have a problem.
I was looking for experiences and, I suppose, hope for recovery

Some have been incredibly helpful, really

I can't give any useful help from experience but what I would challenge is your perception that you are never ill. You are mentally unwell, at risk of osteoporosis and in your op you mention 'other health issues'.

Just something to think about when you next see your specialist. It might be worth approaching your illness from the perspective of anxiety - I suffer with anxiety and always find it amazing how it hides in plain sight from! I am doing another course of CBT atm and find it really wonderful.

With reference to the PP who got better when she got busy and happy, my Mum improved when she became a mature student in her 50s.

I’m sorry things are so tough, are you being treated? I know the help is often rubbish. There are people out there who fully recover from anorexia and then there are others who switched to some other form of addiction or ED. I really hope you can get the help to allow you to expand your diet. The irony of orthorexia is how unhealthy it is for the body