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Original poster

Horrible situation- please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel

30 replies

TheStitcher · 23/06/2021 23:58

A close family member has what I think is postpartum psychosis. She’s had a hell of a time since the birth of her baby 6 months ago but has been super mum the whole time. Now she’s suddenly turned on her husband and is accusing him of all kinds of things. She’s taken the kids away from him and won’t let him see them. The poor man is totally distraught.

Has anyone been through anything similar or know anyone who has? Is there any chance of this ever having a happy ending?

OP posts:
BoredOfThisShit · 24/06/2021 00:01

Is she receiving professional help?

Original poster
TheStitcher · 24/06/2021 00:04

Yes. She is getting help. I don’t know all the details but she is on prescribed medication. She’s not currently in hospital.

OP posts:
DeborahAlisonphillipa · 24/06/2021 00:13

According to NHS, Postpartum psychosis usually comes on within two weeks of birth but usually within hours or days. If she gave birth 6 months ago it doesn’t sound like it could be that. Are you closely related to her or the husband? what’s the reasons for thinking what she’s saying is untrue? Lots of people take medication and get therapy but it doesn’t mean we’d lie about things like this.

Original poster
TheStitcher · 24/06/2021 02:01

I won’t go into details as it’s not necessary but it’s 100% impossible for some of the things she is saying to be true. This is definitely some form of psychosis- I’m really just looking for some real life experiences of this to perhaps give us some hope as it’s a horrible thing to go through when you love someone who is hurting themselves and their husband and children.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/06/2021 02:41

Perhaps you don't know the whole story about what's going on behind closed doors. Your family member may have very good reasons for what she's doing, and that doesn't mean she can't be struggling with her mental health at the same time.

youshallnotpass9 · 24/06/2021 03:46

tell him to get legal advice and take it to court, no one on here can advice you or him and anyone saying any different is lying

Frownette · 24/06/2021 04:05

It's more common than you'd think - at least lady is engaging. Yes it could turn out fine, father needs to understand about PND, it's not directed at him. It's not to hurt him.

So there is SS involvement?

Original poster
TheStitcher · 24/06/2021 04:31

Legal advice and speculation that she might be telling the truth is really really not relevant here. He does understand that it is her illness talking- we all do. No SS involvement - should there be?

I would just like to find out about whether she is likely to make a full recovery and they can go back to being a happy family or is this going to be something that ruins their lives.

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 24/06/2021 04:44

@TheStitcher

Legal advice and speculation that she might be telling the truth is really really not relevant here. He does understand that it is her illness talking- we all do. No SS involvement - should there be?

I would just like to find out about whether she is likely to make a full recovery and they can go back to being a happy family or is this going to be something that ruins their lives.

Sorry? You're saying that there are young children living with a mother who you believe to be psychotic (and now only with mum because she has removed them from dad) and you aren't sure there should be SS involvement? If someone is truly psychotic they are erratic, they are making wild accusations (really wild as in my baby is the devil), they cannot care for themselves safely let alone a baby. If there is no SS involvement and she hasn't been hospitalised then I find it really doubtful she has postnatal psychosis as much as postnatal depression that she is being treated for by the GP. She DH may not like or agree with her choice to leave him but she doesn't make her unwell.
ImNotCrazyIWasTested · 24/06/2021 04:54

NC

I had post natal psychosis after my 1st, within hours of him being born I was convinced that everyone was trying to hurt him, the midwives has poisoned the water that's why I wasn't producing milk to feed him, the formula was poisoned , that's why they were pushing it on us, that even his dad was going to kill him while I was asleep! I didn't sleep for 6 weeks, I was hallucinating which made things 1000000% worse! If I hadn't looked the wrong way on a 1 way road, (I ran away at 3am to 'save us' from my DH) I dread to think what would have happened as I'd planned how to kill my son, cover it for a couple of weeks then disappear!

We are still together and I am the same as the rest of the mums on the school yard he's 9 now and has 2 little sisters so YES things can go back to 'normal' but she will always have that.... shame... that what I feel... knowing that I will never get that tiume back but I see it as I was not only a momma bear but a momma lion too and I would and still will protect my babies until I'm dead!

FortunesFave · 24/06/2021 05:02

Where is she living? If she';s a close family member, that means her children are your relatives...why haven't you called social services??

According to you she's psychotic...but you're just leaving her with the children?? Hmm

Original poster
TheStitcher · 24/06/2021 05:08

She’s not on her own with the kids. She is staying with family who are closely supervising and she’s getting medical attention. So that’s why I’m not sure SS are needed- nowhere have I said they are definitely not needed. I’m genuinely asking.

I don’t think the accusations have to be as wild as calling her baby the devil to make this psychosis. They just need to be irrational and false surely?!

@ImNotCrazyIWasTested thank you for sharing. I’m glad you recovered and am so sorry you feel shame over this - you had an illness and absolutely no need to feel shame over it.

OP posts:
Thesagacontinues · 24/06/2021 05:16

Based on a recent court case in my country, If you really believe she has psychosis then I really hope she is NEVER left unsupervised with her children Sad. If I was the dad, I would be doing everything in my power to get those kids into my own care.

Notanotheruser111 · 24/06/2021 05:27

Delusions can occur as part of depression. And the decision of whether to involve SS should probably be made by her professionals assessing her mental health.

I worked with a group of mums with complex mental health issues many years ago and yes it is possible for a marriage to survive serious mental health episodes but it’s not necessarily easy and can take a lot of work

Original poster
TheStitcher · 24/06/2021 05:49

Thank you @Notanotheruser111 - so this could be depression rather than psychosis?

OP posts:
Fieldsofstars · 24/06/2021 06:13

What makes you so sure she is lying?
I wouldn’t be getting involved in any of this personally.
You never know what people are like behind closed doors.

SD1978 · 24/06/2021 06:24

Post natal psychosis doesn't develop 6 months after the baby is born. If he believes she truly is psychotic then there needs to be a hospital assessment- obviously don't know your involvement but assuming it's as dads relative. It's reasonable to ask if there could be any validity to what she's saying, and asking if she'll come out of it when you don't actually have a diagnosis isn't the right questions. If he genuinely believes she psychotic then there needs to be an assessment. And if not, then maybe there been more going on with them than you're aware of.

HotWeather · 24/06/2021 06:37

Check does doesn't have a UTI.

PeridotPenelope · 24/06/2021 06:39

It’s good she is getting professional mental health support.

Yes these situations can have a positive ending. She is unwell. Her partner will need to understand that what she is saying may be the result of her illness. There is every chance she will recover and they will be able to repair their marriage.

Recovery is possible. It requires time, patience and support.

AlternativePerspective · 24/06/2021 06:44

Only the professionals involved in her care will know what the level of her mental illness is.

Yes marriages survive this and sometimes they don’t. It’s very easy to sit on the sidelines and say that a partner should be understanding of someone’s mental health when moving forward, but in truth a person who has told serious lies about someone, regardless of whether those lies were because of delusions etc is potentially going to find it difficult to look past that fact and want to rebuild a relationship with them.

There is no right or wrong in this instance. The husband may be able to get past this but he’s not wrong if he feels he can’t, and wants to seek access or even residency of the children as a result.

Polkadots2021 · 24/06/2021 07:00

Hi OP it depends a lot on the nature of the allegations and so on as mental illness can be so complex. From devil hallucinations in schizophrenia to thinking a person is trying to hurt them through clinical level paranoia and a lot in between. It can be hard to get a diagnosis but it's amazing she's already in treatment of some kind. That in itself is a miracle for a lot of families.

If you're close to them I'm afraid there might not be the swift or clean resolution you might hope for. Mental health is messy in that sense when people have breakdowns. There's no pattern or timescale sometimes.

Should SS be involved? I'd say yes if her claims are that he's a danger to the children, because that's a frightening allegation for him which can have consequences (unless medics have made clear to all involved this is clearly psychosis). And he wants to make clear to SS if necessary that he isn't leaving the kids with a parent who might be dangerous or neglectful through paranoid delusions else that might put his contact with them at risk.

I'm guessing if you're thinking this is postpartum psychosis that you haven't got a diagnosis yet? As like other posters say, it's unlikely to be that.

Bentoforthehorde · 24/06/2021 07:40

There's really not enough information here for anyone to say what is going on.
You say the allegations are 100% impossible but that's just your opinion.
Her husband being an alien and planning to eat the baby, 100% impossible. Her husband abusing her, you really couldn't say that was impossible at all.
Has she tried to hurt the children or indicated that she would?

StormcloakNord · 24/06/2021 07:48

You're intimating that her accusations aren't wild (because they don't have to be for it to be psychosis, in your opinion) but you're also saying what she is saying is 100% impossible.

Is nobody even entertaining the idea what what she is saying might be true? Is she talking about abuse? Is it just your opinion that he isn't abusing her?

SnoopyLights · 24/06/2021 08:10

I'm sorry this is happening to people you care about.

I don't think it's helpful for you to guess at a diagnosis for her. If she is receiving medical care then if there's a diagnosis to be made they will make it in time.

You can't know if what she's saying is 100% impossible.

He should get some support and advice of his own if he feels the situation merits it.

But you would be best supporting them without speculating on what might be wrong with her or what's true and what's not.

Notanotheruser111 · 24/06/2021 08:21

@TheStitcher

Thank you *@Notanotheruser111* - so this could be depression rather than psychosis?
Delusions and hallucinations are symptoms of psychosis so if she experiencing them it’s still psychosis www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/psychotic-depression/.

Psychosis is a feature of many different mental illnesses, the way it’s treated, outcomes can all differ depending on the illness and the person experiencing it. None of us can speculate whether your family member will recover and never have another episode or whether she will have ongoing challenges in her recovery. I’m sorry there’s no definite answer for you