Help me be less shallow - weight

[HelpMeBeABetterPersn]

I'm going on a date in a couple of weeks with a guy who is quite overweight. I'm really slim. I really like him as a person and he has a good looking face.

I'm worried about leading him on when the chances are I might not be able to get past the weight. I know, I'm shallow as fuck. I feel awful about it. I'm worried that family and friends or even strangers would judge me.

I know, I'm a horrible person. How can I stop thinking like this?

Also why would you think people will think your too good for him or out of his league just because you're thin? what if he's much better looking than you, just a bit over weight?

Why does anyone care what other people think about anything :S

And I was going to say you're not shallow as it's up to you who you fancy. Until you wrote...

I'm worried that family and friends or even strangers would judge me.

Yes, that's shallow but more importantly, worrying so much about being judged by others would make you completely undatable in my book and that has nothing to do with weight.

I just find people like that self-centered, impossible to please and emotionally high maintenance.

So totally off putting.

@HelpMeBeABetterPersn

Why does anyone care what other people think about anything :S

Well many of us don't care what others think of things that don't concern them.

I mean how would you get through a day?

If the thought that other people might judge you negatively for being with him would put you off then he deserves someone better than you imo

🎣

It is not shallow to find obesity unattractive. HTH.

Massive portion :)

@massiveportion

🎣

What does that mean?

It's ok not to fancy someone. It's not ok to be ashamed being with someone because of how someone look even before you know him. If you truly think you are out of his league based solely on how he looks, then you don't deserve him. Find someone in your league. You sound like a horrible person.

Why does anyone care what other people think about anything

You do.

massiveportion 🎣

I don't think I'm out of his league, it's more the worry that other people will think that.

It's all so stupid really, because I do find him attractive from his pics. I'm also really down on my own looks so it's not like I'm putting myself on a pedestal!

@SheldonesqueWontTolerateFools

Why does anyone care what other people think about anything

You do.

massiveportion 🎣

I don't get what you mean?

I know I do, that's the point! I'm not a psychologist - why does anyone care about what other people think? Because a lot of people clearly do, me included. I wish I didn't!

I still don't get the fish thing, anyone care to explain?

OK well if this is not a wind up, I’ll just say I’m glad I’m in my 40s and a world away from thinking like this. OP you are coming across as a little inexperienced in life. Really, stop caring what other people think. Those who would judge based on this are not worth bothering with.

I'm in my 40s. Well done to you for being a better person. I think the problem is more likely that I've had a fair bit of negative experience at a young age tbh.

Aye ye are.

Either the spark will be there or it won't.
Don't think hard about why it's there or not, just respect it being there or its absence as sign you weren't meant to be a couple.

If you like him a lot, you won't care what other people think.

I’m certainly not suggesting that I am. I can’t relate to what you’re describing at all. Why would you associate with people who would do that?

What are you asking for in this thread? Just to goad or actually sort the situation out?

How long have you been chatting? When are you meeting? I like to meet potential guys early on. It avoids the whole falling for the personality thing and not fancying them in person.

If you don’t fancy him then don’t go out with him?
Or if you’re not sure if you fancy him, see how the date goes and decide after that. You aren’t leading anyone on by going on a first date. But if you’re already not feeling it then it’s probably a waste of everyone’s time.

How and why would people judge you?

I think you're being given a hard time OP. The fact you think he's a nice person doesn't mean you have to fancy him whatever he looks like, or that you owe him a date/chance/shag.

It doesn't make you shallow to go on a date with someone there is a chance you might like, to see what you think of them, and then end it if you don't feel romantically or sexually towards them based on anything about them, be that looks or personality. You're not obligated to try harder to get there because he's nice.

However. You clearly like something about him so i'd certainly go on the date and see how it goes in person and go from there. No need to make it a drama or have it all mean anything fundamental about you, it isn't a big deal, there is quite literally no commitment at this stage.

Why have you not seen a proper picture of him?

Date yourself OP then you’ll be tiny and in your league, sorted.

I think its just a simple case of you fancy him or you don't! I went on a date last year with the nicest guy possible who I got on with brilliantly but I couldn't get past his weight. I just didn't find it physically attractive.

I've also dated other guys who are too slightly built for my taste or too short. Don't try to force attraction that simply isn't there imho.