Can't get DS13 to school

[EndofMyTeather12]

Please can anyone suggest who I can speak to regarding my DS refusing to go to school?
Every day is a battle and this week he has point blank refused to go in to school. The school have said they can support him with any issues but he needs to get into school first before they can do it.
He's had all devices removed. He's locked himself in his bedroom before so everything has been removed apart from his bed now. He's threatened to leave the house via windows or picking locks as I've told him not to go out as he isn't going to school.
Is there any professionals that I can contact to get him support to find out what is going on and to encourage him to get to school.
I really don't know where to turn. I am now being threatened with fines and court if he doesn't attend.

How long has this been going on? Has anyone suggested a referral to CAMHS?

Why is he refusing to go?

You need to get to the root of the problem before you can overcome iy

What’s his reason for not wanting to go? Is he being bullied? Suffering from anxiety or depression? I’d be careful with extreme punishments if this is the case.

My DD13 is also refusing school. I'm considering deregistering her and home schooling (I don't know if she will engage or not ) to avoid court and fines.

She's completed one course of CBT with CAMHS but due to Covid it was over the phone every week so I don't know if was at all effective, I haven't seen any improvement in her. She's been rereferred and we are waiting for another assessment. Ive been begging the school for help with her for 15 months but there doesn't seem much they can (or will) do.

Agree. You need to understand why he is refusing.
Will he do education at home whilst not in school?

Schools are not set up to solve MH issues of children which show as refusing / being too anxious to attend school. They have neither the funds nor the expertise.
CAMHS should help but is massively underfunded.

Sounds the school could be doing more.
I’ve known schools that have helped make plans to get children in who are refusing schools. This includes visiting the child at home abs meeting with the child and parents.

Isn’t there an educational welfare officer in your area? Usually they’d make contact if attendance was a big issue.

Are there any wider issues eg bullying, additional needs, mental health needs?

Why do you think he’s not wanting to go to school?

I don't think it's bullying as he has never stated this. When he has attended school he says he's enjoyed it and teachers have reported him hanging with friends, laughing and joking around. He was recently screened for dyslexia and have put support in for this. He comes out with a million reasons, sometimes all different reasons. He often says it's because he's learnt all the information before and is bored. He won't ever give a straight answer. He is emotionally flat. He laughs at me when I suggest him going and that other children don't just refuse to go. He swears and is really rude. Ignores any request to do anything even getting in the shower.
The school have said they can only help if he goes into school.
I will look into the educational officer.
I'm concerned it's mental health and that he's in a crisis but I don't know where to get his help. The police who have helped before said they are putting a report into mash but I don't know what happens now.

Why have the police helped before?

I’m not surprised he won’t go in if the school are just letting it go and not doing anything. That’s very poor. I’ve known loads of children (when I was a social worker) who were school registers. The schools all made some attempt to make a plan or visit the home a few times to work to getting the child in school. Obviously you couldn’t expect them to do masses but they should be trying to support in some way at least.

Sorry you’re being threatened with court. I really hate that fines/courts are used. It’s really not effective in helping children with the archway attendance issues.

The police have helped when he has gone missing and refused to come home. He has tendencies to just walk out of the house without saying anything and does as he pleases. He was found with unsuitable people much older than him on one occasion and the missing persons officer has also been to see him.
I'm looking at CAMHS and it's saying he can only be referred by a professional, is this correct?

I'm sorry to hear this @EndofMyTeather12.

Take a look at notfineinschool.co.uk/ and the associated Facebook group where you'll find lots of information and support.

It really annoys me when schools say they can only provide support if the child goes to school, thus completely overlooking investigating the barriers which are preventing them from going. And then threaten fines/prosecution.

If it was an adult not able to attend work due to mental health/bullying etc I don't think they'd be expected to go in to work in order to access support.

Have you/ he spoken to the GP at all about this?

As above, how have the police been involved?

Does his dad have any input?

I'm so sorry this is happening. I have no answer but sounds like he is suffering something quietly, can't open up to you yet. Taking everything from him as a form of punishment for not going to school sounds like counter productive to me.
Hopefully you can find out reasons behind this and he gets help soon.

This is what it says

@SkepticalCat thank you I will look into this.

Camhs referal process will vary from area to area but it sounds like you need get that sorted ASAP.

It seems like the school refusal is just the tip of the iceberg. I would concentrate on making home a safe space for him for now, so he doesn’t feel the need fo walk out.

Make it clear to him that you want to help him and that it’s vital that when he is ready he tells you what is happening and what you can do to help.

Between me and his dad we are spending our mornings trying to convince him to go to school. His dads job is now starting to be at risk due to his lateness.
If he had his devices he'd be up all night on them. If it's taken away he just fetches them back and he said he'd go to school today if he got the phone back. Today comes and he said he's not going to school. He spoke with the safeguarding lead at his school yesterday and told her he'd come in but he hasn't.

We are trying our best to make home a safe space. Even when he has all his devices his attitude is appalling. We have younger children too and he struggles with the noise they make but also aggravates them and winds them up into retaliation. It's so difficult trying to manage everything and I'm worrying the younger are going to start picking up on and copying this.

What would you be referring to CAMHS for? Sorry I can’t remember if you mention any specific mental health concerns. Even if you get a referral I think in most areas there is a very long waiting list in all except the most dire situations.

I wonder about referring yourself to children social care through MASH. He would be classed as beyond parental control and it seems there may be some safeguarding issues in relation to the older people he is involved with (could be grooming or criminal exploitation). It may be they can try to coordinate some support for him or trigger a support plan for him.

If police have been involved can they or the school refer you to an early intervention specialist at the Council?
My youngest became very oppositional and was very close to going right off the rails. I was at a loss and didn't know enough about the system to know who was calling me or what I needed to say to get the right outcome. WhenDD was assigned an early intervention practitioner it changed everything. DD trusts and talks to her. She knows who to speak to in which organisation and how I needed to phrase things to get DD some help.
She also backfilled some of the soft skills training that DD had missed at school due to COVID: things like protective behaviours and resilience to peer pressure. But she's done all of this with DD while having a walk or meeting up for a coffee and DD isn't even aware that she's being influenced.

EIS sounds like it may be just what you need with your DS.

We've contacted the school this morning and was told they'd call back but haven't.

@TeenMinusTests

Agree. You need to understand why he is refusing. Will he do education at home whilst not in school?

He won't engage with school work either. He didn't do any during covid. It's an absolute battle. He's attitude is so defiant. He does not respond well to any authority and he just does what he wants. We've tried the nice approach, tried the taking away devices, nothing seems to make a difference.