Reasonable adjustments at school causing issues

[ThePurpleCurtain]

DD, aged 6 (almost 7) school year 2.

School uniform is pretty simple but is enforced in the sense that the headteacher speaks to parents if child is wearing “wrong” uniform and will send home if it carries on.

One of the school rules is that you cannot wear boots, sandals or wellies – I think this is a pretty standard rule. Trainers are allowed in Reception and on PE days for years 1-6.

DD has a medical issue with her hips and feet. She wears prescription insoles and boots offer her stability and keep her foot straight so that the insoles can do their job of stopping the arches from collapsing. She wears calf boots. Headteacher insisted it was a reasonable adjustment due to medical need and that she couldn’t stop me sending DD to school in them for that reason.

This is causing some issues with parents in the class. Several parents have been turned away at the gates at school with children wearing calf boots or trainers, parents are starting to name drop DD stating she’s allowed to wear them so why can’t their child as it’s not affecting anyone else. Headteacher is a very calm woman and will just say she cannot discuss other children with them then repeats that the rule is no boots, trainers or sandals. I’ve also had parents asking me via messenger how I get away with it for DD.

DDs name isn’t the only one name dropped as there is another child in the other year 2 class who has adjustments to the uniform but DDs is the most obvious and common due to the shoes being able to be seen all the time.

It’s starting to affect DD as her classmates now ask her why she wears boots and asks her to ask the headteacher if they can wear them. DDs very self conscious and has started asking to not wear them as her friends keep commenting (she has some other additional needs to and is beginning to notice when she’s “different”). I obviously won’t let her stop wearing them but I wondered how to deal with this? I don’t want to share DDs medical information with basic strangers.

It’s becoming an even bigger problem now as some of the children want to wear sandals due to the hot weather and are not allowed.

So any tips on replies?

Although obviously it is up to you, we just tell our children to be clear that is is due to their hypermobility (which is why they wear them) as they will need to stand up for themselves throughout their lives whether it is wearing boots, not being able to do PE, needing to use a laptop for exams, needing adaptations at work etc. We tend to practice a few stock phrases 'I need to wear them because my feet don't work as well as everyone else's.' 'Yes it is great I can wear boots but I would prefer to wear shoes and not be in pain/ be able to ride a bike/ be able to run like you.' They are older than your dc but at a similar age I just mentioned it to parents. You don't need to give loads of details just enough to say it is a medical issue.

@Cattitudes

Although obviously it is up to you, we just tell our children to be clear that is is due to their hypermobility (which is why they wear them) as they will need to stand up for themselves throughout their lives whether it is wearing boots, not being able to do PE, needing to use a laptop for exams, needing adaptations at work etc. We tend to practice a few stock phrases 'I need to wear them because my feet don't work as well as everyone else's.' 'Yes it is great I can wear boots but I would prefer to wear shoes and not be in pain/ be able to ride a bike/ be able to run like you.' They are older than your dc but at a similar age I just mentioned it to parents. You don't need to give loads of details just enough to say it is a medical issue.

DD isn't happy about other children knowing, she doesn't want to be seen as different or special.

I’ve had parents asking me why my child has adjustments they think are desirable or how I got him a place in school during lockdown, often in front of him. I just tell them it’s agreed by the school for reasons that are private to my child. I only ever had one that tried to delve further, I just told her again it was agreed for good reasons that are private. There are parents who know more because they need to (because they have him for a play date or whatever) but I’m not going into his special needs, in front of him, with random other parents.

If they’re actually pestering your daughter though I think school staff need to step in and tell the other children to back off.

You might then need to work on her confidence about her condition. Is it something she is likely to grow out of? Maybe also having something in PSHE or assembly in general about invisible disability. Does the headteacher know that parents are contacting you? I would talk to her as she might be able to address it at a more general level.

as she gets older she is going want or have to explain why she isn’t wearing the latest flip flops or whatever. Can you start saying she has problems with her feet and needs more support? Can’t see how when it’s 30c people think she is wearing them for fun!

Just leave it to the school to deal with and ignore any messages or direct questions. Be rude if you have to!

DS has worn orthopaedic boots since age 3. Nobody has ever quizzed me or her.

I am pleased that the head teacher will not discuss welfare of any child to other parents.

I think that at some point your DD will have to be able to speak up about her medical issue. Your response to the nosy parents perhaps needs to be blunt and direct. Perhaps ask them why they have a larger car than needed (if appropriate) or no sense of style, or no manners towards the head teacher.

@newnortherner111

I am pleased that the head teacher will not discuss welfare of any child to other parents.

I think that at some point your DD will have to be able to speak up about her medical issue. Your response to the nosy parents perhaps needs to be blunt and direct. Perhaps ask them why they have a larger car than needed (if appropriate) or no sense of style, or no manners towards the head teacher.

That last part made me smile thank you.

I will work on DD being more confident about talking about her condition as well as you're all right she will have to explain. She probably won't grow out of the condition itself but it can improve enough so that when she goes through puberty it's less of a problem and she should be able to wear shoes and sandals.

DD has to wear insoles as well. She had very narrow feet so could wear school shoes with her insoles. Are there any shoes at all that will accommodate your DD's insoles?

@RampantIvy

DD has to wear insoles as well. She had very narrow feet so could wear school shoes with her insoles. Are there any shoes at all that will accommodate your DD's insoles?

The insoles can be worn in "normal" shoes but DD has a turn in her foot when she walks so the boots stop her ankles from turning while walking so her feet don't turn.

I'd be blunt and tell them to mind their own business.

I would personally tell them it's a medical issue, and that DD needs to wear them in order to walk properly.

Refer them to the school. Your dd has permission due to medical issue, none of their business.

I agree about DD (and you) feeling able to be open about her condition, at some point there may be other questions asked or comments and she needs to be able to respond.

Also this open approach will hopefully help her see it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, rather than reinforcing that it’s to be hidden?

It may help to point out that there are plenty of other children with differences eg some have glasses, some have conditions meaning they find reading harder, some have allergies or eczema etc. So she can see it’s not just her.

PS I agree you don’t and shouldn’t have to explain but I think being open will benefit your DD in the long run

I would just say it has been agreed with the HT for médical reason.

It’s at the same the truth and nit saying what is actually going on.

Also I wouod work with your dd on the fact she doesn’t want to talk about it.
I’d want to know why, for example, she feels ashamed of being ‘different’

they have no right to know her medical history.
that's private.
just say the head teacher has agreed it, and the matter is private.

We had it with bloody school bags of all things. One of the few adjustments we got from school for DD's dyspraxia and the fact she had a sodding broken arm was that, despite school bags being banned (because Covid - sigh), she was still allowed to take in a rucksack because of her coordination, organisation, motor skills and the bloody arm in a cast.

And still we had the playground harridans kicking off about it - worst thing was - it's someone who fucking well KNOWS DD's diagnosis.

Agree with others that you just need to say to the other parents that it's for a medical reason, and your dd needs to mirror you in that. Plenty of kids have visible medical conditions - you and she don't need to say specifically what the condition is, but it will make life easier for her if she has that in her vocabulary and that it's something quite normal.

DD incidentally knows her diagnosis - we've always brought her up explaining it in as accessible terms as we can, and she thinks she's bloody cool cos Harry Potter (well Dan Radcliffe) has dyspraxia too... however her attempts at "accio TV remote" continue to fail and the letter from Hogwarts hasn't arrived.

Ask the Head to re-state uniform rules in the next newsletter, reminding everyone uniform rules must be adhered to unless there is an extenuating circumstance.

Then next time someone asks you, either:

a) refer them to the next letter

Or:

b) Tell them to fuck off.