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I’m fed up with permanently feeling scared (TW)

11 replies

permanentlyfightorflight · 21/06/2021 21:08

I have OCD, and CPTSD . I’m currently being treated with weekly therapy (mix of CBT, radical acceptance and exposure/response prevention) . Am at level 2 of NHS provision so they said moderate illness but they’re thinking I need level 3 care so moderate to severe illness . I’m also on mirtazapine and beta blockers; the former is making me fatter and the latter is making me feel horrendous with low blood pressure/fainting on standing for prolonged periods .

On a good day I can go for a walk in my village, but only with my mum with me . I can’t go shopping alone . I can barely cope with being in the house alone . I was getting better and managing more; and then I had a huge panic attack in September last year ... after over ten years of anxiety I thought I’d experienced it all but this one has me dialling 999 as I thought I was dying . NHS24, 999, GP and therapist said it was almost certainly ‘just’ a panic attack but I still wonder - I thought I was going to die there and then .

I’m spending majority of my time on the sofa crying, watching daytime tv and staring out the window .

I’ve lost the friends I had, I sort of stopped replying to everyone and now don’t hear a word . Understandably . I’ve one close friend who’s promised me she’s dragging me out for lunch next week (actually physically coming to my front door to make sure I go) but that’s about it .

My anxiety is all based on health; I’m permanently worried I (or relatives) will drop dead . My first ever episode of severe anxiety I was in a uni building with a defibrillator on the wall and I think it’s sort of a fixation .

Six years ago I was totally independent . I lived alone, travelled (not internationally or anything, just around area), I worked full time, I had a proper social life; I loved going to the library and to coffee shops with a book, or walking along the beach .

Then my life sort of fell apart, I went through some awful awful things and in 2019 I decided I’d had enough, I wasn’t wanted or needed here and did silly things . That point’s where I’m trying to pull myself back from .

I have got things I’m good at - I’ve managed to complete a year of study from home and got outstanding/distinction in my exams, that would lead to a good career one day.

But I’m so utterly, totally, desperate to not feel frightened - I find I get up and just sit and feel totally overwhelmed because I think of how much I need to do, and how unachievable it all feels . I’ve spent all of today just sitting staring and it’s a beautiful day, I live ten minutes from the beach but when I say, I want to go there, my body says; but you might die on the way .

It’s so awful I ended up in tears with my therapist last week and said, can she not just fix all this and take it all away, it’s like a never ending flu that I can’t get over . It’s absolutely awful . Therapist said the answer is to accept how I feel; stop fighting the anxiety and to try and live alongside it, that will reduce it - said more I fight back the more anxious I feel and it’s a vicious cycle; but I’m struggling so much .

And ultimately terrified, as this breakdown’s been awful in every way - they said OCD isn’t curable and it could get worse again - I’m not sure I’d manage this all over again .

OP posts:
CrazyNeighbour · 21/06/2021 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechangequery · 21/06/2021 21:20

@CrazyNeighbour

Do you think staying at home will stop you dying?

Here you are, you could have gone to the beach today and you didn’t go and you didn’t die!

What’s the problem with dying suddenly? If you could choose which way to go, would you pick a long slow fading away, or a collapse and it’s over before you know what’s happened!

It’s OK to feel afraid.
Can you set yourself a goal for tomorrow, just for example to see the sea?

I’ve got to be there for my family - I panic if I die then what happens to them? It doesn’t make sense to me either, I get images in my head of collapsing and waking up in hospital etc, it’s like a narrative I tell myself . When I’m out each time I feel dizzy or a slight twinge or - for example - de realisation I panic that that’s it; I must be seriously ill, etc . Feel like if I sit very still I’ll be fine (which is bloody stupid, I’m fat enough that it will be doing me danger more than I ever could by going out walking)

Yes I think I could, I’m desperate to just go out - to get to the beach would be wonderful, if it’s as sunny as it is today especially .

namechangequery · 21/06/2021 21:20

Fuck, name change fail .

Thelnebriati · 21/06/2021 21:24

I've been where you are and (touch wood) have recovered. My recovery included two spells in hospital and a lot of therapy and meds.
'Having to be there for my family' caused my OCD and agoraphobia., but luckily the CBT worked out.

I accept I could relapse, and I'm ok with that. I don't think your therapist is right to say that you need to accept it and not fight it; imo acceptance is a stage you reach, not a strategy you can deliberately use. I reached a point where my body was having intense anxiety and panic attacks, and my mind was bored of dealing with it. I'd be shaking and thinking 'not this again'. Eventually I could manage the panic attacks so well that most people didn't even notice I was having them.

How do you feel about taking anti depressants? The thing that helped me in the end was taking Venlafaxine, after trying several others. It doesn't suit everyone so they might want you to try some different ones.

Bimble14 · 21/06/2021 21:29

My DH had a very similar situation last year, ended up out of work and agoraphobic. A year on and he has a new job, drives again and is a different person. You can definitely get better! Combination of therapy and meds but he started just walking to the end of the driveway without me, next day to the postbox etc to try and show his mind that nothing would happen.

CrazyNeighbour · 21/06/2021 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/06/2021 21:41

If you can't do it today, plan to do it tomorrow.

permanentlyflightorfight · 22/06/2021 16:53

So I’m just back from the beach Grin

Managed to walk 3 miles - sort of gave two fingers up to the anxiety and did it anyway . Feel absolutely elated, shattered but so pleased with myself . Even managed to sit in cardigan and bra (beach was virtually empty) and get the sun - I probably looked horrendous being BMI 42 but I felt good, and happy . After years and years of hiding away because I feel so ugly and so ashamed, it was very liberating to say fuck it, I don’t care !

Hopefully I can try to translate that to other things and keep moving forward!

EwwSprouts · 22/06/2021 16:59

Well done! I'm sure it took a lot of strength and courage. So pleased you could enjoy it.

DaisyDreaming · 22/06/2021 17:08

Well done that’s an amazing achievement

permanentlyflightorfight · 22/06/2021 20:04

Thank you Flowers, I’m shattered tonight but yes, chuffed I did it at last

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