Feeling a bit lost

[keeganface]

I'm just wondering if anyone can relate.

I turn 43 next month. I have an amazing DH, DD14 and family and friends.

I've reached the phase where my DD doesn't need me as much. I'm happy where I am with my career.

I just feel a bit lost. I've lost confidence in the way I look, my opinions. I feel emotionally highly strung like my emotions are very near to the surface like I could cry very easily. I don't feel depressed or anxious. But the slightest criticism can upset me and makes me overthink for days.

I feel insecure and less confident than I used to. Decision making is harder than it used to be too. Is it the lockdown do you think or is this the peri-menopause or just our 40's in general?

Bumping it for you, OP

That’s how I feel a few years on from you. My body is changing, I’m struggling to think clearly, become tearful easily, am more sensitive and I am really tired. For me it’s probably the menopause but if someone had told me ten years ago that I would feel like this I wouldn’t have believed them.

Most of all I crave being on my own with no pressure or demands from anyone. In some ways that concerns me the most because I can’t get away from demands and if anything the demands are increasing (job getting tougher and ageing parents). I want the world to stop for a bit so I can sleep but I can’t see it getting any easier until I retire.

I have aged considerably this last year, mentally and physically.

for you.

I’m feeling the same. Mid 40’s and experiencing a lack of self-confidence in a way I never have before. My mood can swing hugely too. Some days very down and worried for my mental health, other days I feel ok and can see the humour in life again. As you say, Covid has also had an effect and it’s hard to know how much that is playing a part.

Hormones have so much to answer for. Not just the decrease in oestrogen has huge negative effects, but also a drop in testosterone which I am certain makes us doubt ourselves more, less likely to feel confident in ourselves.

Thanks for the responses.

It's the over analysing that's difficult. I feel a bit needy and insecure in my relationship too. We've been together 25 years but I feel old and boring and that he'd prefer to be with someone else.

I know it's just hormones. I can totally relate to wanting to be on your own so there are no pressures.

Has anyone tried any vitamins or natural remedies? Did they help?

I’ve felt like this at various times in my life.
It’s more like a phase has come to an end, and a new chapter is beginning, but we don’t what that is. I have found doing nothing doesn’t help, it’s like I have to give the new chapter a bump start. It jolts me out of my fears. So I go and try something radically different to whatever I was doing.
Dress in black? Go and buy some bright clothes and yes you might look like Timmy mallet. Change a hair style, have a different type of holiday, renovate a part of your home. Anything, do something different to kick start yourself into your new phase of life.

Developing a fitness routine helped me hugely. I felt better physically and mentally. Then Covid came and it all went to nothing!

I need to refocus and start again but it’s hard because my energy levels and motivation have dropped. However it won’t get any better if I don’t make some changes.

I totally get feeling old. I ache now and it’s hard to feel upbeat and be upbeat when you actually don’t feel like it.

If in doubt do something. Plan some walks / runs / events with friends. Think about your bucket list or any interests you want to pursue for yourself. Covid has made us all a bit bored and boring but now could be the time to make some changes and plan your future (even if you can only look ahead for the next six months!)

Thank you for your responses.

I've started to exercise more which is helping and an improved diet.

I have had my blood checked by the GP and everything is fine. She has booked me an appointment with a mental health nurse to talk through how I'm feeling.

It's the relationship anxiety that I'm finding difficult. I feel unattractive and uninteresting. I need constant reassurance and am needy. I feel that he would rather be with someone else (even though we've been together 24 years). That is so not how our relationship is normally and feel like I'm being unfair to him. Did anyone else feel like that?

I think this sounds very much like the menopause! I'm no expert however. But it sounds like classic estrogen, progesterone & testosterone drops. It'd be worth a visit to the GP to see if that's the case.

Can you pick up a new hobby? Something that gets you out and adds another dimension to your life?

I know exactly what you mean and have felt like this to varying degrees for the past few years (I'm 52 and post menopause).
In addition, I don't work, gave up when I had my first 16 years ago and now she and 13 ye old don't need so much I'm sometimes bored and lonely.
I also think I'm really boring - I dread anybody asking me what are you doing today? (Even kids and dh) as the answer can be walk the dog, bit of washing, bit of gardening, bit of tidying - yawn!!!
I have reached out to a couple of charities and am actively thinking about what I can do to fill
My time better as I can spend far too much time in my phone (on here!) which does my mental health no good and I'm dreading winter when there's less opportunity to garden.

Dh has thrived during lockdown and has taken up a new hobby so he has lots of new online friends (male and female) and he is so happyand fulfilled. Think I just feel a bit left behind and boring in comparison.

I also feel like my emotions are really near to the surface and could cry over the slightest thing which I don't like.

That sounds like anxiety to me... it's not always the same but feeing insecure, minor things shaking you up, overthinking, a feeling on impending doom.

All point to GAD

Thank you.

I will discuss all this at my appointment in a couple of weeks.

For those of you who were diagnosed as having anxiety what was the treatment?

Anxiety, low mood etc are classic perimenopause systems.