Moving stalemate, help!

[Shipwithnosail]

Have name changed for this but have been on here for several years.

Wasnt entirely sure where to post as this really could go on multiple boards but I'm just after some advice or opinions on how to proceed with a situation.

I will try to keep it as short as possible... I am in a long distance relationship, about 4.5 hrs apart. We would like to live together but have come to a stalemate on how to achieve this.

They have 2 young children from a previous relationship so the idea of moving 4.5 hours away is obviously not desirable from their point of view. They rent so it would be easy to move and they have a job which they could potentially get a transfer in or I would have enough to support us both while he looked for work. I have no children but own a property i'm tied to that as I dont think I would get enough money from selling it to buy somewhere where DP is. I dont think we could buy together as he is on a mortgage with his ex and currently unable to get off it.

We seem to be going round in circles any ideas?

Rent out your property and move in with your DP? It is admirable that he wants to remain near his children and it is exactly the right thing for him to do. It is you who will need to make the sacrifices.

Personally I would struggle to respect a parent who willingly moved 4.5hrs from young DC unless there were exceptional circumstances

Could you rent your house out and relocate on a trial basis?

If the relationship doesn't work or you don't settle or find work then it would make it easier to return

I think his reason trumps yours, sorry OP. Moving 4.5 hours away would make it really hard for him to see his DC except in the school holidays (assuming they live partly with his ex, rather than full time with your DP).

The other person in your relationship has kids. Moving isn’t “not desirable from their point of view”. Assuming there is another parent involved here, moving either means taking the kids away from that parent or leaving the kids behind. Would you really want to be with a person who would do either of those things? You either move, the relationship stays long-distance, or you break up.

Agree with PP his need to be near his DC trumps your reasons tenfold

Have you met the kids? I guess ideally you’d rent out your place abc go halves on renting a crash pad near his so you can meet them gradually rather than just suddenly be resident

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I am in no way asking him to leave his children, apologies if it came across that way. I was saying on a purely practical level that would be the easiest way to do things but of course on every other level it's a non starter, I was trying to give an overview of the situation.

Renting out my property may well be the way to go, I'm not sure if me letting it out would affect my mortgage in any way.

Yes I have met the children and we get on.