Minding my own business, tucked up in bed and dropping off when the great big twat ran right over my face. We looked right at each other for a good two seconds, just millimetres from my fucking eye, and just long enough for me to realise what was happening. Then it legged it down the duvet quicker than Usain going for another gold.
Now he is MIA and I am on a chair armed with a pint glass. I never kill them, just catch and relocate them but it was bloody huge and I am wide awake. I’ve moved all the furniture, the duvet, everything. Where the fuck did it go?!
I thought they were too scared of humans to come anywhere near them.
That Spider House spider expert is a big fucking liar.
It’s in my hair laughing itself shitless at me, isn’t it? 