I just need to rant.

[Br3style]

Currently SO fed up, will likely (hopefully) feel better in the morning later, I just need to vent out as everything feels intense right now.
DD has been very unwell since Fri eve due to a Nursery bug.
DD wouldn't be going to nursery if I didn't take on a full time job that partner thinks was the biggest mistake ever.
Anyway, I've been looking after DD, P has helped where he can but DD is very clingy with me.
P was disappointed in his Father's Day because we've been indoors, in the end he went out and enjoyed the sun. He has a few things to still sort for work tomorrow including needing some shirts washed so I said I'd do it while he was out to help.
However DD ended up throwing up and due to nature of the bug, everything needs to be immediately cleaned and washed on high heat to avoid it catching.
Partners shirts wouldn't be in the same condition if I washed them together and he is very particular.
When he got home I explained this and said I'll do shirts on the next load.
No problem, except I then popped to the shops for some essentials and sorted out dinner.
During that time, he could've put his own shirts on but didn't and when I asked if he had he said he can't believe I didn't do it while he was out....
I've not been able to do it until approaching 10 o'clock which means I've had to stay up to wait for it to be ready as Partner needs to sleep as his job is 'very demanding and he has to be up at 6am'
While in bed waiting, he's mid sleep and DD wakes up unwell, unsure of what she wants and gets in a state crying unable to calm down.
He is no use whatsoever just asking what's wrong with her? Telling me to go in front room with her because of the noise not for him but for the neighbours.
Oh but no concern about me and that I work full time too, I have to be early, I'm already waiting on his poxy shirts, I will have to work alongside my DD being unwell tomorrow because if I have another absence I'll be sacked (ridiculous) but can't send her with childcare being that sick and partner wouldn't dare take the day off.
Nothing I do is as important than his job is. I understand it wouldn't be ideal for him but I wish it didn't all fall down on me all the time especially when I have other priorities too.
He hates my job and thinks I'd be better off prioritising DD and the house so he'd rather have these situations prove that to me instead of finding ways to be supportive and helpful if that makes sense.
When I calm down DD and put her to bed, I pull cover over and it gets stuck so I yank it harder and partner whispers from bed 'well that was aggressive, don't lash out at me'
He also tried to say well done for calming DD down which annoyed me further
Also I'm pregnant so more reason for everything to feel on top!

I'd say stop relying on your dh, and DO NOT give up your job. Start to look for good childcare who can help to ensure no further a sense from work.

I'm afraid nothing will ever be as important as your Ps job. My ex was like this, I ran myself ragged so he could do his VIP job. Even thought I wasn't considerably more.

Trust me, it gets so much better when you dump the man child, less resentment and you can sort stuff out to suit yourself

Hi @billy1966 I am currently however This is what I meant by setting some expectations immediately as in within the relationship and what I expect from my partner.
Of course I know he is deliberately being obstructive. I said in an earlier post, he isn't helping so he can prove to me it's all too much rather than being supportive and helpful - which is obstructive. I am not shrugging it off, I agree however have stated I won't continue to be  and appreciate what you've said to help me get to that understanding.

@bigbaggyeyes VIP job exactly that lol!
Thank you

Blimey, I disagree with so much of what BusyLizzie61 said!

why pursue a job now.. when you've such a young child? Surely, that defeats the point of having had them?

Funny how no-one ever says that to fathers. I think the point of having DC is to enjoy a close relationship with your wonderful children, and also the satisfaction of helping them grow into amazing adults. She can do that quite happily with a full time job, as almost all fathers and many mothers already do.

will it be affordable to work paying for childcare for two
Even if childcare costs more than her take-home pay for a few years, the benefits to her career and financial independence are well worth it.

Why should your employer have to carry all that burden?
You're right. Her partner's employer should be taking half the burden.

So, really you may have to make a decision to stop working, reducing hours so have more flexibility or oh taking some dependency leave too.

Ermm... no. That would be a terrible idea, for all the reasons I gave in my previous post. The children's other parent needs to do his 50% share of the emergency time off. It's really hard to make someone step up if they don't want to, though. Sorry, OP - I have no ideas how. One thing I know for sure though is that OP reducing her hours certainly won't encourage him to step up.

neither of you is unreasonable
Yes, her partner is.

including him acting like a grown up and sorting his own laundry
Yes
when needed
No. Always. And all of his own other personal care. Plus at least 50% of the time, work and inconvenience of looking after a household and children. They both work full time. Why on earth should she be doing more than him on top of that?

But totally agree with what the OP said.

I need to set some expectations and will do immediately so I can thrive instead of sink in this situation.

And I'm sure you will. Good luck with getting through probation, and continuing to progress your own career.

@Nordicwannabe I strongly disagreed with that post as well lol.
Thanks again, really appreciate that xx

Good for you OP.

Don't let him away with it.

Absolutely agree with @Nordicwannabe of course the OP should be supported by her partner when she is working in all areas of family life and childcare.

Men go to work, end of.

Women go to work, organise the house, organise the children.

As friends of mine told me, they felt like they had 3 jobs to their husbands 1.

It's no wonder some women are running on empty and become ill.

@bigbaggyeyes

I'd say stop relying on your dh, and DO NOT give up your job. Start to look for good childcare who can help to ensure no further a sense from work.

I'm afraid nothing will ever be as important as your Ps job. My ex was like this, I ran myself ragged so he could do his VIP job. Even thought I wasn't considerably more.

Trust me, it gets so much better when you dump the man child, less resentment and you can sort stuff out to suit yourself

Good childcare isn't the issue.

Children being unable to attend is. If the op's partner won't bear this as well, then the op really won't be in a FT job for long!

So the op needs to review what she needs to do to manage the responsibilities she has to her employer, children and partner. It's all very well saying he should do his bit, if she's choosing to work, which sounds more like for her own pleasure rather than a career or financial need then it will come down to being her problem to resolve.

Of course she needs to work.
She isn't married.
He is all about himself and his job.

If ever a woman needed a job to secure her financial future, it is this OP.

However, I’m not sure about the constant MN refrain that if your partner is a mean abusive bully, you should marry him. There is no guarantee that you will get any money at the end of the relationship, and leaving is made so much harder.

@billy1966

Of course she needs to work. She isn't married. He is all about himself and his job.

If ever a woman needed a job to secure her financial future, it is this OP.

If this is the attitude, either marry before having children etc or don't bother entering into these relationships surely?

Yes, she could be vulnerable longer term. But she's not said anything that suggests financial abuse nor being refused access to household incomes. So why should this be the assumption? What an awful way to live a life!

Why have children with a partner and not just use a donor from the outset?