Feeling lonely

[Tordub]

I’m in my early 30’s, I live in a nice part of London, have a great DH and a nice life in general so nothing to really complain about. However the last few weeks I’ve began to feel incredibly lonely, I used to have loads of really close friends but most of them have moved away during lockdown and aren’t coming back. DH and I don’t have children yet as I we are waiting until I finish my masters degree. I keep busy, have a demanding job but because I WFH and study online I just don’t get to meet people anymore. It’s also very hard to meet people on the same level as me at my age. Most people my age have very young children or had children young and now have teenagers. A lot of my close friends who I used to to talk to on the phone during lockdown seem too busy now, one friend had a 1 year old and is very much attachment parenting so has no time to speak on the phone, it’s almost like she’s a single mother but she’s not. Another friend has moved back to her parents home to save for a mortgage with her husband and is in a happy family bubble, she seems to always be out with her parents, siblings and old school friends. I have a few other friends who I call from time to time but it’s not really enough for me right now. I don’t have a close family, I grew up in a very abusive home and have distanced myself. Really all I have right now is my DH who is amazing and supportive, what would I do if something were to happen him? I feel like I’d have nobody. He has also has lost touch with a lot of friends due to lockdown and due to people moving out of London all of the time, so he feels my pain. The thing with him is he’s quite introverted and doesn’t seem to need social interaction as much as me. I try to have a full life, I work, I study, I attend yoga, I meet up with people when they are available, I volunteer but even that’s online and so I haven’t really made friends through that. Where did my fun exciting London life go that I had a few years ago? I’m not fully sure I want to live like I did in my 20s but I want my close friends back or at the very least for them to call me once in a while.

Sorry whine over, I just feel a bit sorry for myself. It took me and DH so long to make friends when we moved to the UK and we don’t have the energy to it all over again plus would anyone even be available, for most people their 30s is baby making time and I’m just not on that level yet.

Shameless bump 🤦‍♀️

Didnt want to read and run OP. This is really common when your friends are on different paths and made even worse by lockdown and wfh. I’m also studying and set up a fortnightly zoom call with a few fellow students which has been a godsend. I think hobbies are also your friend in this situation if it’s possible to fit in around work and study. Or volunteering? Best of luck.

It seems to be an issue for so many people on here recently. The pandemic has changed friendships for lots of people. I’m in a totally different situation to you, but have also lost friends over the last 18 months.

Hi OP - I am here listening to you . I have often felt lonely in my life but luckily am doing well now.

Often in my life it was at times of transition that i felt the worse. This is probably a low point for you - with lockdowns etc.

Would you consider doing some counselling- it can help just to feel listened to and to express your feelings to another human.

I'm 63,had my children later in life and with them came a ready made social life.
They gave disappeared and the social life has too.
I cant stand joining something to meet people.
I guess this is just the way it is.

I can see the pandemic has been hard for you.

Normally, you'd have widened your circle to include fellow students and you'd be meeting people in libraries, or at lectures, and when pursuing interests. Your circle would have widened to replace those who dropped away.

All that natural extension has ground to a halt, really.

Do you have time to do some volunteering? Food banks and other charities have picked up a lot of volunteers during the pandemic slowdown - partly because people do crave other people (and, obviously, because people have wanted to do meaningful work!).

I realise you've probably reached the intense stage of your masters - but after that, perhaps you can find some time to volunteer in an area that interests you?

I think you're probably exactly the demographic that has been hit quite hard. You're undoubtedly not unique in your experience. The problem, of course, is finding the many others in your situation. The pandemic has been really tough in people like you.

💐

And ... is your workplace discussing moves to return to the office? Will that mean seeing people again?

I think many, many people are craving company and will be looking for opportunities to extend their social circles - so accept all opportunities when they come (which I'm sure they will).

It is hard to feel lonely in this way, kind of unconnected. I am approaching late 30's now and kind of had a similar thing around your age, I'm introverted but still benefit hugely from connectedness with other people and reciprocal relationship s that arnt family or partner. I basically forced myself to say yes to everything and offer to do something or share an experience if it ever came up in conversation. I have three good friends, one lives away but still a phonecall always picks my up.

Be cautious comparing, I can guarantee your friend with the one year old has probably just experienced one of the loneliest times in having a baby and otwith parenting styles it's bloody hard and intense so she's probably just finding it overwhelming and not trying to be distant. Can you do things that you can both go to with baby? I used to do this (last one to have kids in friendship group), if I didn't we would never have seen each other in those first few years.

There's always something and someone new around the corner and things will work out. I think we all have short and long periods in life where we feel lonely like this, you are not alone xxxx

Thanks for the replies, I thought it became a ghost post so forgot about it.

Yes I think the pandemic is to blame but also think this would have happened anyway as three of my very close friends moved away last year to different countries not just different parts of the UK.

@SuperSleepyBaby you are right, transitions are the lowest points aren’t they? I’ve been here before and I know I’ll get through it, I just wish I didn’t have to.

@SlB09 my friend with the 1 year old actually lives in my hometown, Dublin - most of our friendship has been long distance as we met while travelling years ago, she is my closest friend who has been there throughout. I remember a time not so long ago actually where she felt lonely, a lot of her friends moved away or got into new relationships and she felt like this but at that time I had so many friends and probably wasn’t there for her as much as I could have been.

This is life I guess, highs and lows are inevitable.