You are only ever as happy as your saddest child

[Inastatus]

I am so relating to that saying tonight and I’m not very happy at all!
DS (14) had an important event this morning which he was nervous about and it would have meant so much to him if he had done well. He gets very anxious about things and needs lots of reassurance. He did really badly and he is absolutely gutted. I’ve had numerous pep talks with him following the event, reassured him a thousand times that’s it’s great that he took part and he should be happy for his friends who did better and he’ll get another shot next time etc etc. But inside I’m aching for him.

Then DD (16) has just come down in floods of tears because she has found out her boyfriend is planning to cheat on her. I held her and listened to her but I can’t make it better.

I know these two issues are part and parcel of normal life/growing up and there are far worse things out there that can happen but this must be the worst part of parenting.

That is so true. My eldest has been so unhappy recently, I've just got a pool of sadness in me for him.

@ChateauMargaux

Oh so totally true! If I had known that is was not possible to completely seperate yourself from your children's pain, I am not sure I would have believed I was up to being a parent.

@ChateauMargaux - me neither! And it’s like you feel it 10 times worse than them!

Totally agree. We feel our dcs sadness and disappointment so deeply, take it so personally but it’s so true, you can’t be properly happy when your dc is suffering.
I have a dc who is currently having counselling after a very hard couple of years, it’s making a difference but I echo the idea of encouraging extreme self care.
And being available to listen as much possible. It’s hard. It takes its toll

You have made the best title ever. You are so right. so right.

Having children is like wearing your heart on the outside of your body. It makes you incredibly vulnerable to the slightest upset on their behalf