When do we go from encouraging babies to fart and burp, to teaching them to do it in private

[Soubriquet]

As babies, we are desperate for that fart or burp and sometimes even find it cute

As a toddler, you might find it funny, especially if it’s a proper ripper.

However, as they get older, they are told it’s dirty and needs to be more private.

Why?

We fart and burp with abandon here (though ds bloody stinks at times)

Oh no it’s horrid. I can’t laugh at farts or burps. Once they’re old enough to be taught to say excuse me they should be taught to be discreet about it. I really, really can’t bear toilet humour.

I have been wondering this with three year old DS. I won't tell him it's dirty - it's a natural bodily function, but I suppose there will be a time you encourage them to be a bit more discreet about it as it can be impolite to do in certain situations. I imagine that's primary school age as they become a bit more self-aware? DH and his brothers were taught to go and fart in the toilet which seemed a bit extreme in your own house, but MIL had four boys so

Toilet humour is a big thing with primary aged kids

Poo and farts are a big giggle factor

But yeah it’s weird. We encourage farting and then get them to stop

I don't ever recall encouraging it? As soon as they are old enough to understand then yes I did tell them to be more discreet. I'm not one to find farting 'hilarious' though . I think I'm in the minority on MN though. There have been countless threads where couples let rip with gay abandon. Each to their own!

It’s part of growing up and learning to behave civilly. When my kids were under one and starting to eat by themselves it could be cute when they got spaghetti all over themselves. If my 11 year old was going it now I wouldn’t find it cute.

I DEFINITELY still didn’t do toilet humour even as a primary school child

I’m not ‘posh’ either. Just a regular suburban primary school. Definitely don’t remember it being acceptable to ‘let rip’! And we definitely didn’t at home either. Or god forbid when out in public.

You must feel full of trapped wind if you don’t feel you can let it go when out and about

I mean, way back when it was

“Wherever you may be
Let your wind go free
In church and chapel
Let it rattle”

Now people won’t even do it outdoors.

Surely when they reach an age old enough to a) have control of bodily functions and b) understand that other people don’t want to smell the inside of your body? You might find your child’s flatulence deliciously fragrant, but I can assure you, other people don’t.

Oh I really don’t

Like I said ds is putrid at times

But it’s a normal and healthy body function

FrancesFlute I was taught the same as your DH, and originally as an adult thought the same as you, a bit extreme for in the house. However I now have a child who cannot always tell if he needs to poo (possible autism) so I encourage him to go to the loo to fart/ if he has farted as chances are a poo will follow after. Same for his sisters just so I'm consistent. So now I'm wondering if my mum got fed up of toilet accidents and directed us to the loo to avoid them!

We teach ours that out and about its polite to hold them in/ do it discreetly but in the house its a free for all I suppose its because they come from the same place as poo, and no-one wants to be thinking of someone elses bodily functions when sitting in a restaurant/ cinema etc. And it is a waste product albeit of trapped air rather than anything else.

So is vomiting, pooing and so is sex. We still generally accept they’re not things other people want to smell or see us doing. A toddler farting in public = stinky, but people accept they can’t control it or understand why they shouldn’t. Once they can, however normal and healthy, we don’t inflict it on other people.

We were always taught it was vulgar, but DH's family were more relaxed

We were taught to say passed wind ,, and also to be discreet

With either, I just tell them not to make a show of it when little and react as little as possible and generally they end up stopping.

If they show off or have a nasty fart or with nose picking, I'll tell them we have a toilet for such things, otherwise I mostly ignore it just as I would for anyone else who burps or farts.

I find the nose picking harder to get them out of doing than burps or farts. It's like yes I know I helped you blow your nose for several years, but I'd appreciate if you dealt with your mucus now that you can elsewhere (mucus seems to be the body fluid I have the least capacity to handle well).

My 11-year-old has recently got a thing about talking while doing large burps. I think she's picked it up from school as no one else in our house does this. I try not to react much, but her younger brother and some of her friends find it funny so we'll see how that goes.

I hate the word fart, we say trump or pass wind.

I can't remember ever encouraging farts and burps, or finding them funny.
It's only proper manners to do such things in private where possible.

In younger children teaching them not to trust a fart is a good idea, so yes farts on the toilet/potty to reduce poo in pants incidents.

With potty training/recently trained children you have to discuss it in public so you have to move back from that point without making it too much forbidden fruit (and therefore funny) to talk about...

I don't feel full of trapped wind. If I'm out on my own I can discretely pass wind. I wouldn't do it on a train, or at my desk in work. But I would find somewhere where someone else wouldn't have to suffer the smell of my intestines for fucks sake.

As gross as it is, some of us were born with an array of stomach and/or bowel issues which make the expectations for grown ups to hold it in, ableist.

I've always made myself poorly every single time I've ever held it in. And been berated when I haven't.

In my home, it's normal and natural. Because if I had to get up and go to the bathroom every time, I'd just be sat in the bathroom constantly.

I didn't know we are supposed to teach them not to burp and fart in public.

Well it's really unpleasant to foist your fart on someone else. So you don't do it and you teach your child that too.

But actually I don't remember teaching my children anything. I have never particularly laughed at farting, although my children do, but they still don't do it with abandon in public and haven't ever since they've been toilet trained.

And I'd certainly teach my children right from the beginning to say pardon me if they burped. Why wouldn't do you do that?

The answer to your question is "when we potty train" obviously Soubriquet and nobody is using the word dirty, its not an emotive issue, its part of toilet training and no more emotive than learning to poo in the potty then toilet instead of wherever you happen to be when wearing a nappy.

A lit of false naivety in the opening premise - nobody really finds the connection between potty training and not farting loudly wherever you happen to be baffling.

SisterMonicaJoansHabit some people are doubly incontinent but that doesn't make the expectation that people who are able to become continent use a toilet ableist. Perhaps there should be more public awareness of bowl issues, but at the same time some people have sensory issues which make it hard for them to cope with any strong smells, and social and emotional regulation issues or neurological differences which make it almost impossible for them to use a filter and not comment on unpleasant smells. In the end we have to try to exist in the same public space, which is why social conventions like not emitting noxious smells in enclosed public areas if you can possibly help it develop.

DS is two he doesn't have the control to hold them in yet, you can see the surprise on his face, sometimes if he's stretching or straining a lot to climb something at the park they just happen! He does say excuse me or pardon me though.
I have told him not to describe them, that people don't need to know (that was a loud one mummy, that was a tickly one, and my favourite but also most unsettling ooh just a little soft one -the first time he said that I thought he was going to need a change of underwear). I'd imagine before 5 he'd know that where possible it's something for the bathroom or at the very least outside.

I think it's more that it's not the 'done thing' rather than telling the to do farts / burps privately.

If no one else is popping off in front of others, they copy and don't let it all out as and when either.

There's a difference too between being gross and farting in other peoples space, to inadvertently letting out gas occasionally.