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I'm 23 and feel like my life is done with for now. How can I stop this feeling?

14 replies

laughterismedicine · 19/06/2021 22:44

I suppose I can't. It's a silly question. But I feel deflated, useless, and nothing of note. I feel life is just never going to be at all what I'd wanted for myself. No life is perfect, but I see so much that I want to do, and can't. Tonight I feel like life just isn't worth it. My son is my only savour in this, but it also makes me feel sad that I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. As who would take care of him?

When DC was 18 months, I had to give up my Access to Nursing course. He was very obviously needing a lot of hands on support, and advocation in other areas unrelated to his Autism, of which was diagnosed at age 2.5.

His health issues are very much under control but he is still requiring a lot of support now at age 4. He is non verbal, no understanding of anything much, attends a special school. My God, I love the very bones of him, but it's a difficult life. Other medical issues too.

My 'dearest' H decided he wasn't prepared to handle any quirks, and before our son was 2, he left us. He pays for him, but refuses to see him. His family don't want to know us. I do not have the luxury of any family support, beyond emotional support which has been good, a real Godsend at times. I completely sympathise that it simply isn't doable for most people to handle him, therefore I'm not resentful that my own family can't give me the odd hour or two once a month to just do something for myself. But I do feel sad. Especially as they are incredibly hands on with other DGC.

I am feeling incredibly low again this evening. No sleep, DS up at all hours despite medication to aid sleep. I am often so utterly exhausted I cannot drive my car.

I cannot work properly - There are endless appointments and therapies. Lots of support required. I simply cannot have any form of career. I don't know when or if I'll be able to. I work PT from home and I'm not overly strapped for cash. I feel low because I feel strapped for opportunities.

A few of the people I started Access with had a catch up with me today, speaking about their job, challenges they face, but just how much they really do enjoy their work. Some have specified what area they'd like to specialise in and I sat with utter envy! Although of course I did not let on.

Sometimes I feel so sad at the thought of my younger years (under 35) going before me, that I simply want to crawl under a rock and not come out. I don't. I keep on going for my son. But some of it is truly soil destroying.

We had a lovely holiday last year, booked again for this year, but cancelled due to it not being a safe country Covid wise. I think because it was due now that I'm feeling slightly more annoyed at things!

How on earth can I stop feeling like this? I feel like someone was starting my engine in life, and then left the key in the ignition, but the car stopped after a while, aware it wasn't going anywhere Sad

OP posts:
laughterismedicine · 19/06/2021 22:46

*that should say soul destroying!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 19/06/2021 22:48

You poor thing. You have so much to deal with so young.
I know you say your family aren't much help but do you have no support from your parents? Are they aware how low you're feeling?
Are you part of any local groups to make friends with parents of children with similar difficulties?
You sound like a fantaatic mum. I'm not going to patronise you by saying any more from my position of complete inexperience. Just - I hope uo can find someone to look after you

StealthPolarBear · 19/06/2021 22:49

I did snigger slightly at the soil destroying :)

laughterismedicine · 19/06/2021 22:58

@StealthPolarBear Thank you. My parents are lovely but they just don't feel as if they can handle DS. They aren't comfortable. It's sad to see, they're very good with their other GC. But it is the situation I face. I can't force anyone to want him with them, it isn't right for so many reasons

Most people are very sympathetic and speak well of me, which is lovely. Truth is, I am doing very well for my son, he has got a mother who loves him unconditionally and without hesitation. But, it doesn't come without huge sacrifices. Ones I know just aren't the same as NT children. It's so very difficult sometimes and I wish I could change my son's multiple issues. He deserves better. All disabled children do. Sadly, he does not flourish with Autism, nor does it bring him any particular strengths. It is a debilitating condition, of which I ensure constantly is supported through various therapies and aids, private swimming, just me and him swimming together, trips, lots of comforts he enjoys.

I will do whatever it takes so I know I'm giving him the best possible outcome. But I miss myself so much tonight Sad I miss the life I thought I could've had. Nothing fancy, nothing out there. Just a simple family life with a modest career that made me fulfilled

I know I'm of great use to my son, but being a carer is a different ballgame to working

OP posts:
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 19/06/2021 23:01

Have you approached the council to request some respite? As a disabled child your son is at least entitled to an assessment

laughterismedicine · 19/06/2021 23:04

@GingerAndTheBiscuits I have. We are just awaiting assessment. There is a wait. Have been warned though that it is only a couple of hours a week - Which although is absolutely fantastic, he's at school during the day and I rest up then when I can as I work very part time.

I haven't actually clarified with them if they offer weekend support? I'd think not

OP posts:
user1471560845 · 19/06/2021 23:07

Can you do the access course online over 2 years? So at least you have that for the future? Sorry if that’s not feasible just trying to think laterally

Comedycook · 19/06/2021 23:08

That sounds so hard Flowers I'm so sorry I don't have much practical advice but didn't want to read and run. You sound like an absolute superstar and I hope you find something fulfilling for yourself in the future

laughterismedicine · 19/06/2021 23:12

Thank you Thanks

You can indeed do the Access course online, however, most universities will require it to be recent, as in the last 2/3 years. I don't think there are any realistically accepting of a 10 year old Access diploma!

To do the Access course online requires a fee so it isn't a case of just going for it and seeing what happens. Most people who are serious about Nursing do it and then apply straight away/in the next year if require some form of care or clinical experience

OP posts:
Shellywoos2477 · 19/06/2021 23:18

Hope your feeling more chilled. After all these lovely comments. I can tell you love your boy so much. I know we all love our children. But we all need rest & time to be us. What area do you live in by the way ?

laughterismedicine · 19/06/2021 23:22

@Shellywoos2477 Thank you, it's so nice sometimes just to ramble on and get things off my chest!

I live in Bedfordshire/Herts area. I am lucky. The support services are generally very good

OP posts:
MerylSqueak · 19/06/2021 23:33

It sounds really tough, @laughterismedicine.

I'm only posting to offer a little twopennorth financially speaking. If you look on the money section of MN for the £10 a day threads, you'll find lots of ideas for flexible earning options. I haven't been on for a while but they helped me a lot at one time. It takes a while to get your head around some of them, but I found a few worthwhile.

It's so hard to find work with lots of medical appointments and caring responsibilities, and without work so hard to find respite and hope. I wish you all the best.

tiredanddangerous · 19/06/2021 23:36

I can't really offer any advice, but I have an autistic teenager. I hear you and I understand Flowers

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 19/06/2021 23:40

Yes they absolutely can offer weekend support, or a direct payment for you to commission your own. I assume he already had an EHCP? Did social care do an assessment as part of that (it should have but often ducks its duties)?

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