What do you do when things are relentlessly crap but not major issues?

[EnglishGirlApproximately]

I'm so low and really struggling to shake myself out of it. I have no major issues but the last few years have been a constant never ending series if low level shit and disappointment. I have a job and some savings, my health is crap but manageable, ds is well behaved and dp is ok but I feel like everything is hard work. We were hoping to buy a house last year then covid hit and we were both furloughed so couldn't move forward, now back full time but house prices have gone silly and anything decent is being snapped up in a day. I have a long term auto immune condition which is manageable but gets me down. Work is tough my industry has been decimated by covid and I'd love to move on but can't find anything. I haven't had a night out in years because we have no childcare. Today my car failed its MOT so I have no idea how to get DS to school on Monday without driving illegally. I have the money to fix it but also have a full time job. My new microwave has just arrived with a dint in it and its just tipped me over the edge.

Non of these are big things and I really wish I could count my blessings but I can't, I just feel low. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last week and keep having nightmares. How do I get myself out of it?
Sorry for moaning, I'm in alone with DS and trying to keep it together for him but I just want to go to bed.

Hugs op. The little things build up and can be overwhelming. Can you take some holiday from work? It sounds like you need a break.

I find writing a list of everything that needs seeing to helps. Then sorting by priority and tackling a couple of things each day.

Kwik fit is open on a Sunday if the there’s one near you? See if they can squeeze you in tomorrow. If not, taxi on Monday for school? Or can another parent give your son a lift?

The dented microwave is annoying. Can you appoint your DH to sort that out?

I have the same issue about childcare and it’s hard. Are there any parents at school in the same boat? Maybe you could help each other out by babysitting. Even for just a couple of hours one evening is better than nothing.

@Penny31 thank you. I had a week off recently but ended up logging on pretty much every day as there's so much to do. I know when I'm back at work on Monday I'll have hundreds of emails I'm filled with dread every Sunday night.

I'll look into a taxi thank you, hadn't thought of that I think I just can't see the wood for the trees at the moment. It'll be expensive but not really any other option as we don't live close enough to school to ask for help and as I've always worked full time I haven't really got to know any mum friends to call on. I don't have a Kwik Fit close but I could try tomorrow, it just means poor ds is going to spend his second weekend day sitting looking at car repairs. I know these aren't major tasks I'm just struggling to see anything positive right now.

Op, you've just described me.

I spoke to the doctor on Friday and have been referred for counselling and to consider antidepressants. Worth a thought.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way but know you're not alone.

Reach out to friends and family. Talk as much as you can.

@frysturkishdelight well done for getting help. I feel like I'd be wasting everyone's time as there's nothing really wrong, nothing that isn't fixable. DP is one if those relentlessly positive people and I know he thinks its helpful to tell me that things will get better but he's been saying it for years and they aren't. I was unhappy before covid but now just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. The things that were starting to improve have now gone backwards.

Small steps. So be it if ds has to spend the day in a car repair place. If it’s one thing off your mind it will be good for you both. Could Dh take the car or ds? If not, ds might find it interesting. Could you take him for a walk nearby? Take a sandwich?
If all else fails, sitting on his iPad in the waiting room wouldn’t be the end of the world for one day.

Sorry for how relentless things seem for you at the moment OP. You’re right - all very small, all seemingly manageable but look, it’s all come at the same time and come to a head. If you reread your posts, you have an air of hopelessness and sadness that it palpable. I would really recommend seeing if some antidepressants or anti anxiolytics to help manage your symptoms (which you do have - panic attacks, nightmares, the emotional fallout you are experiencing) to give you a needed positivity boost to help you through these trying times. for you

Honestly I felt the same. A whole lot of nothing. The GP was amazing.
Sometimes it's just lots of little things adding up, it doesn't need anything major.

I minimised for a long time. Im relentlessly calm, organised, positive and strong. Im tired of being everything for everyone and there being nothing left for me.

Contact the GP. I felt so much better having made that first step.

The little things build up and are shit. Hope life improves soon.

One of the things I do is write a list at bedtime of everything I've done that day. Then at least I can look at it and feel I've achieved something. (Even if many of them are small things such as put a load of laundry on). Occasionally this is a good way of looking at life and thinking Fuck me - this is ridiculous, the amount of stuff you do. Cut it down and chill

Find something GOOD to do each day for you. Suggestions could be

*have a bath with candles/music
*Read a magazine/book
*Shove a face pack on
*Play something from your teenage years and dance like an idiot
*Look up silly cat memes
*Watch a Youtube clip of something you used to like
*Start a mood board/Pinterest for when you do get your house - plan it all out mentally
*Do something crafty/make something
*Ask friends/neighbours for recommendations for teenage babysitters? Have a night out with DH - even if it's just a couple of quiet drinks in the local

Thanks all I am reading and listening to your suggestions. In my head I'm finding reasons I can't do any of them which I know is more my mindset that anything else.

Have you talked to your DP like honestly sit down and really talked tell him how you feel and how you are really struggling. I have been through this recently with my DP and because he is always the one that's okay and is so amenable and calm I did not realise just how low he felt. 2 months later and it isn't easy but change had to be made. The job first he saw the GP signed off sick and on some meds for depression. Regular counselling and some honest discussion around what would make him feel better and trying to work on that. Time to himself, prioritising exercise and health. Lots of opening up to family about how he feels but most importantly the break from work has meant he can see again. He had gone into some weird brain fog where he couldn't rationalise anything or see any logic in things. Everything was just emotion stress anxiety or just numbness feeling low. It's only the start of the journey but I think GP and some time off is where you start.

I have talked to DP, a few weeks ago but he just doesn't get it. He says he does but ultimately as he can just carry on as normal while I deal with the endless shit then he doesn't see how draining it is. Hes working 8-8 from today until Tuesday so can't help with school, car or anything so as usual its down to me.