I just want a pathetic rant about being single. Someone join me please?

[Trdddds]

I’m so fucking fed up. I’m mid 30s. Had a couple of good relationships, some absolutely terrible ones.

I’m fucking sick of celebrating other people. My sister has the whole family set up, nice home, been with DH for ten years. I’m sick of forking out for cards for engagements, buying homes, having family, anniversaries, hen do, wedding. I’m fucking sick of it. And she’s my sister so you can imagine how I feel
about friends and colleagues

I hate that I have to struggle with building diy on my own. That I have to go to a garage on my own and have no partner to check the car with me when something has gone wrong. I hate that when the boiler goes I’m on my own financially and also literally in a freezing cold house. I hate that I can’t spilt the bills. I hate that my bed is always empty.

I hate the the house is often a mess because I can go entire weeks and weekends without seeing anyone.

I hate having to put on a brave face when people joke about hurrying up to find someone. (I’m fucking trying).

I hate dating. I hate having to chat to people I will never speak to again from online. I’m exhausted by it.

I’m sad that even if I did meet someone now, they’ve missed out on a massive part of my life already.

I hate that I will suddenly cry without warning because it hits me in a supermarket or in a restaurant that I’m always the one tagging on to another family. I don’t have my own.

I wake up in the night often and feel sick and scared and alone that I could be here in ten years.

I’m not depressed. I don’t want a family alone. I know there’s lots of the above that impact people who are married or settled down. I know some people are unhappily married. None of that makes me feel better. I’m still sad I’m alone.

Wow. Feel better after that!

Big hug @Trdddds I undertsand. On my own since my early 30s (that's now almost 30 years!) It does get better. Really it does!

Coupled up people reallyDo.Not.Get.It

It can be exhausting. There is no-one on your side.

And as for what you say I’m fucking sick of celebrating other people - yeah, I hear you. Just don't do it any more. I don't.

Oh my god. Me too. My therapist told me this week that I need to see myself as complete without a man, but there are experiences you can’t have on your own.

I’m so lonely and fed up of it all. It’s crap.

Thanks @IntoAir and @PrinterRanOut nobody gets it unless they’ve been through it! My therapist says the same. It’s bollocks otherwise nobody would bother settling with anyone!

Sorry you feel like this OP. That does sound exhausting

Not sure what responses you are after on here.

@AmIPeriOrAreYouJustAnnoying just solidarity I think!

There really isn’t any response. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want platitudes. Most of all I don’t want to join a walking club or go to meet ups!

It does help to hear other people in the same boat.

I hear you, OP.
I'm 63 and that's been my life.
Live a fantastic life so that the lack of partnered-life doesn't crush you.

I’m so sorry, OP. You sound really fed up, and I don’t blame you. I met my husband when I was 32 and I was already where you are now emotionally, by the sounds of things. I too had a married and fecund sister who (quite reasonably, as I miserably accepted) took priority with our family at every event because she had children. I tried SO HARD to put a brave face on it and ‘enjoy being single’ and not hate dating, but it was effing awful. I was so poor (living in London on my small single salary was dreadful) and so lonely and so sick of being happy for other people. (I used to have anxiety dreams about spiders crawling on me; now all my anxiety dreams are about my husband leaving me and having to go on dating websites again.) I especially resented the marrieds who told me how much they’d love a carefree night on the town and people who tried to ‘comfort’ me by saying that at least I wasn’t going through a divorce. (My nights on the town often felt exhausting and pointless and too expensive and I just wanted to be at home cooking dinner for someone who loved me. And who the hell wants to take comfort in gloating over divorces? Just a different kind of misery.) It all made me chronically sad and angry, as did friends coupling up effortlessly and then disappearing. So look, I don’t have much to offer either than absolutely tons of sympathy. I guess the one thing I wish I’d found at that time were Heather Havrilevsky’s advice columns (Ask Polly) in The Awl and later The Cut. The ones from the last couple of years are a bit woo, but the earlier ones are funny and compassionate and very good on the complete crappiness of dating. So maybe read some of those if you fancy it. Otherwise, I really hope it gets better for you and I’m sorry it’s like this for you now.

I’m with you OP. Early 30s and in the same boat. Coupled up friends and babies coming everywhere. Forks out a fortune for weddings, hen weekends, baby showers, social events now consist 99% of conversation about child birth, what the children are up to, husband business.

What I advise is just not to let it hold you back. I’ve now done three holidays on my own. The first one got me so many “you’re brave” and pitying comments. After the second and third the comments changed to “I wish I could go there” “my other half doesn’t want to go there so that locations out” “I can’t do that with kids can I come with you next time”.

The patronising comments are the worst. And I totally get that some people just don’t get it, one of my friends hasn’t been single since we were 15. She has no clue. I’ve done online dating and weeding through the crap and Pervy comments is exhausting.

I’m currently looking at the process of having a child on my own and weighing up the options. I know this isn’t for everyone.

Keep your chin up OP and just make sure you live for yourself and don’t not do things just because your on your own. There’s lots of us out here who do get it I promise xx

@RoseAndGeranium thank you so much for your post. It has honestly made me feel so much better! And given me a bit of hope. Thank you, I feel much less alone.

Where did you go on your holidays @bananabuddy3? I’d like to try it but wary of ending up just watching all the couples and families.

This thread feels like it’s saved my sanity.

@Trdddds 😘

New York, that was easy on my own.

I also went to Vienna and Berlin on my own, explored the Christmas markets and did some sightseeing.

Add to that a U.K. spa weekend, booked on a whim when I just needed to escape life!

The only thing I admit to finding difficult about them was eating out. I generally stuck to market food and sandwich shop type places or cafes. Restaurants - I find hard.

I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I don’t want platitudes. Most of all I don’t want to join a walking club or go to meet ups!

Exactly, @PrinterRanOut

What smug coupled people don't like to hear:
It's just luck you are in a couple; it's not because you are superior or I need to "work on myself" - it's random luck

The world is totally biased against singles, particularly single women

But you know I actually tend to be a bit despising of people who can't cope alone.

Oh Printer go to New York (well, as soon as we can travel again). Every time I go - and in the olden days it was at least twice a year for work - I fantasise about living and working there. It is fab. And so easy on your own.

I'd love to go to NY! Maybe when the world opens up again.

I just want to add that you really don't have to do things you don't want to do. If you don't want to write a card, go to a hen do, go to a wedding etc then don't do it. My life changed when I realised I didn't have to do things that make me feel unhappy or depleted. Your mental wellbeing comes first

I feel like I do have to do those things though. I'd never have any contact with my friends, because as someone else mentioned that's the basis of our social life now, and most importantly I'd hate not to support them in the lovely milestones in their lives.

OP and anyone else feeling the same. I went through this stage but have come out the other side happier on my own than I was in relationships 🤣

Can recommend the Single Supplement newsletter for a really good mix of relevant things, especially as the writer is UK based. It's my favourite weekend reading and there's a lovely FB community attached too. And unlike my other favourite singles group, it does discuss dating :)

I hear you though - I remember thinking rather wistfully whether it would ever be my turn and it felt horrible at the time.

I know people don’t like old threads surfacing.
But, I’ve been looking for threads around this topic and came by this one.

And my go does it say everything I wanted to say!