I’m having a pity party…anyone about?

[Blinkingbatshit]

NC as relatively identifying if you know me!! I’m not well, haven’t been for 6 months. Have lost a colossal amount of weight…am just a bag of bones and saggy skin at the moment. Struggling to eat as it causes pain and I can’t eat for significant periods between taking medications during the day, dehydrated for the same reason. Dh has taken it upon himself whilst all this is going on to have a totally non essential op (done privately so no waiting list, it was 10 days between meeting surgeon and going under the knife) and he now spends the days lying on the bed and the evenings in front of football while I sort, well, everything else and the kids out using up calories that I really can’t afford to waste….I don’t want to moan at people in real life because actually I’m quite embarrassed that he’s put me in this situation😔. Anyone else having a misery?

I've no advice, but it sounds grim. Is your DH always so unaware of your health? How long will he have to lie on the sofa and watch football?
for you.

Could it be that the operation DH had was important to him and if he didn’t go ahead with it could be causing him depression or low self esteem? I ask because to undergo a procedure privately and pay that sort of money you must really feel like it’s necessary? Sorry I’m just trying to see a different side to this so maybe you don’t resent him as much x

Thank you for the flowers @ICouldHaveCheckedFirst. I just can’t fathom how he can be so unaware - it’s plainly obvious how badly I’m struggling, and I’m not hiding how hard I’m finding things.…The only rational explanation is that he just doesn’t care that much, which is awful.

You need to find a different GP for starters!

You don't need to be a martyr.
If stuff can't get done, it can't get done.
Stop pushing yourself so hard tell him to pick himself off the sofa

Yes @Worriesome - it’s to help him achieve something that’s recently become very important to him…but I cant help but feel that sometimes in life, & certainly in a partnership, you have to put your own agenda aside for the greater good. Well, that’s what I’ve done in the past…& now I’m wondering whether I should’ve done. We’ve been together a long time and I’ve never needed support like this before…but I’d always assumed it would be there if needed.

You poor thing. Just when you need looking after your DH decides that he’s going to opt to become incapacitated instead! FWIW you shouldn’t be picking up the slack for him when you’re feeling so crap yourself. He’s chosen the timing so he needs to organise a cleaner, take aways, online shops and help with the DCs. How old are they btw? Can they be of any practical help seeing as he obviously can’t?

I think sometimes people can’t cope with the idea of their partner being ill/ weak/ in need for whatever, especially when they rarely do so. A reaction can be to almost fabricate an illness/problem/ need.
Incredibly immature in my view, and needs serious conversation about how it has come about.

He sounds truly selfish.

Some reallybshit men just cannot cope with their partner being unwell and have to incapacitate themselves.

They are odious.

He is showing you exactly who he is.

Believe him.

A good man would not do this.

This is the actions of a selfish twat.
Please reach out for support and tell them how and why you need help.
Don't protect his selfish behaviour.

Thank you all for your kind words, I was in need of some 💐x

And now he’s having a strop because I expect too much….. 😖

You clearly do OP, expect too much.

Basic decency and giving a shit about someone other than himself.

You poor woman.

Reach out for support and STOP protecting him.

Thank you @billy1966 - you and previous posters are right, I do need to ask for help from friends. I’m usually the one doing the helping and I really need to learn that it’s ok the other way round (I always worry about inconveniencing people which is ridiculous as I will (and have) put myself out to help them). I think most of them are already pretty 😯 at the fact he’s done this so it won’t come as a surprise. Thanks all x

Good woman.

Asking for help and support in the face of such pure fxxkwittery is the strong, sane thing to do.

He's a selfish waster.

I really hope you feel well soon.