Is it possible to stop having feelings for someone?

[Bananabiscuit]

I have been seeing a man (there is a reason we met but I won’t go into detail about that as it’s very outing - nothing bad) initially it was supposed to be connected to the ‘thing’ we met for, but over time we became close and it became more like a friends with benefits relationship initiated by him.
I’m now head over heels if I’m honest but he doesn’t feel the same. I believed he did but he took a step back and wants to focus on the reason we met. I’m naturally heartbroken that he gave me the impression he wanted more and now he doesn’t, but it makes sense that we got carried away when we met for one purpose.
I am now aware he is speaking to other girls online, which he is entitled to due to being single, but I am very upset and feel jealous. He speaks to me less and only responds when it’s about the ‘thing’. We still have to see each other and it almost always becomes sexual again albeit awkwardly. I know I need to cut my ties but I can’t stop myself. We may have to see each other for many more years yet and I don’t want to give up the hard work to avoid each other.
Can anyone advise me what I should do or how to stop feeling this way so I can focus on the task at hand?

I think it is possible to stop having feelings for someone but a lot harder if you continue to see them. Much much harder actually, as normally you would cut someone off and gradually get over them.

It sounds as if this thing that keeps you both connected is important and long term therefore I would advise you to try your best to put your big girl pants on and put your feelings to the side. This guy sounds like he’s looking for fun and nothing serious which is not wrong on his part as you can’t force feelings. He’s clearly in a different place in his life to you but don’t let this hinder the thing you both met for initially, especially if it’s important to you.

Hope something I said made sense. I’m not the best at advice x

Thank you it’s good to hear some sensible words, I will try to distance from him but it has ruined the foreseeable future

Yes I had very strong feelings (which were reciprocated) for someone I met doing a ‘thing’ that I was committed to. I was married though and didn’t act on them. I have to say it lead to a very difficult few months, until gradually my feelings passed. As I say nothing ever happened between us, so if you have been sleeping with this man then I think it may take more time and be that but harder to get past, but it will happen with time.

Are you still having sex with him? couldn’t tell from your OP. If you are then obviously that needs to stop, FWB only works if you’re both on the same page. If one person wants more it’s just a recipe for heartbreak.

And more generally, I think just don’t let yourself obsess about him. If you catch yourself thinking about him when you’re not with him, actively force yourself to stop (you could even try visualising a stop sign). Find other things to do, meet new meet, you have to actually move on in order to mentally move on from someone

Thank you both. We did recently have sex again yes but not since as he hasn’t been replying to my messages and seems awkward around me now. I’ve taken the hint he isn’t interested anymore, it just hurts a lot after him saying we could have a relationship I daydreamed a lot about it stupidity. I am wising up to his ways though as if he liked me and was a good respectable man he wouldn’t treat me like this he would just be honest.

Yes op, time to withdraw.

I felt like this about someone years ago. Literally couldn’t stop thinking about him, when I look back (with the benefit of a decades hindsight) I’m not even sure that I liked him that much, I think I was more enamoured with my idea of him and the relationship that I pictured for us.

You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who adores you, who is 100% sure about you. That isn’t going to happen with this man so don’t focus your energy on him.

You will never get anywhere if you keep shagging him OP, but you already know that.

These things hurt like buggery but life is long and you do move on!